Most people I ask these days are at least vaguely familiar with either David Sedaris or his younger sister, Amy. Those who are more fans of David’s work know Amy as his crazy and wildly entertaining sister who tortured their father by wearing half a fat suit home for the holidays, co-wrote plays with him (as The Talent Family), and was his overall accomplice in playing practical jokes on their friends and family.

I knew of Amy before David, from catching her as the amoral ex-con/junkie/prostitute Jerri Blank on Strangers With Candy. I was immediately captivated by the freakshow that is Flatpoint High School, home of the Concrete Donkey. I was also amazed by how pretty Amy Sedaris is without the fatsuit/makeup/schlumpy look. The show is in the format of the beloved after-school special, each episode ending with a lesson learned, often times the wrong one. For example, in an episode about eating disorders, Jerri learns that it’s OK to be anorexic because then people will pay attention to you. In the episode “Who Wants Cake?” (possibly my favorite), after much research and advice-seeking, Jerri discerns that it’s okay to snitch on the suspected retarded girl in class, because “if provoked, she could fly into a rage with the strength of an ape and no remorse, not even a bullet could bring her down”.

Oh lawdy, this show is highly offensive and politically incorrect, which is why I watch it. No one is safe from insult, whether Jerri is writing in her “dirty Jew diary”, or constantly comparing to her Filpino friend, Orlando to a monkey (see below). The writers of SWC (Paul Dinello, Stephen Colbert, and Amy) relish in the act of Schadenfreude, pleasure felt at someone else’s misfortune-”Laughter through the tears,” in the words of Amy. Here are some of the show’s finer gems:

-”It’s unthinkable, the atrocities that the Native Americans committed against the buffalo. No one is certain what exactly the Native Americans did to the poor creatures, but whatever it was, it caused the buffalo to become so depressed, that when the white men came, the buffalo committed suicide by jumping in front of the white men’s muskets.”

-”Orlando, you can’t be a pilgrim. The pilgrims had snowy white skin to match their pure Christian souls. They didn’t sacrifice coconuts to their monkey gods.”

-”Greeks are just Jews without money!”

-”Let’s go watch some gay porn so we can get our hate back.”

-”You know, I cried when I had no shoes, until I met a man who had no feet. And then I laughed…really hard.”

One of the primary inspirations for the show, and for the main character was a 1970 documentary called “The Trip Back”, which featured a 50-year-old former junkie whore named Florrie Fisher lecturing a group of high school students about the perils of drug use. And yes, any resemblance of Fisher to Jerri Blank is intentional.

The film version premiered at Sundance in 2005, as a sort of ‘prequel’ to the TV show. The plot was sloppy, production was delayed multiple times, and the budget appeared to be teeny-weeny, but most SWC devotees (myself included) still enjoyed it.

This show was grotesquely hilarious and deliciously offensive, and its run was cut way too short. Apparently Comedy Central was disappointed with its less than South Park stellar ratings, even though it quickly built a cult following, whose fans included the likes of Janeane Garofalo, Winona Ryder, and David Cross (who all made guest appearances on the show). It’s a bit like the car crash that you can’t take your eyes off of…if the car was full of handicapped albino dwarfs that also happened to be white supremacists with eating disorders. I now leave you with these wise words…

“Packing a Musket” by Jerri Blank.

When you work from your home and johns call on the phone, you’re a call girl.

When you walk ’til you limp and give a cut to a pimp, you’re a street whore.

When they’re beggin’ you please to get down on your knees near their groinage, excusa me, but you see, don’t you touch where they pee without coinage.

When I straddle and squat, to show you my…

I miss this show.

How can you tell if you are in a cult? Your womens dress like this:

I bet their cult leader always has a white suit on and carries around a Lamb. Thats what I would do if I were a cult leader. And in my country 16 is the legal age for everything… but you have to take classes and earn merit badges before you are allowed to do any of it. Because I’m a Progressive Pragmatist.

As long as we are on the subject, Waco was a mass murder, not a mass suicide. Not because Bill Hicks says so (but thats probably good enough for me). But I’ve seen other videos and a full documentary broadcast on HBO that shows videos of the ATF filling the compound with tear gas that was supposed to force the cult members out (which it didn’t). The compound was then filled with another gas that when mixed with tear gas turned into a flammable nerve gas. Tanks ripped holes in the buildings, infra-red cameras indicated the tanks fired into the house (possibly more tear gas) and the whole fucking place burned to the ground. Massacre, not suicide. Even if its only half true, it’s still murder.

And sure I don’t believe everything just because it’s in a “documentary”. But I totally believe HBO, they know cults. By the way, you are all now on the Government watch list.

I’m gonna sit at the welcome table, gonna sit at the welcome table one of these days…

I heard about this spread earlier this week and stubled across the pictures via PopBytes.

Remember when we had to make due with unnatractive female comedians? Well score one point for dangerously out-of-control overpopulation. We get our funny where we get our sexy now. I figured I should use this opportunity to plug 30 Rock so they don’t cancel it. Right now it’s the only show on Network TV that I watch (online of course) because it’s funnier and smarter than anything else out there.

I don’t want to say anything bad about female comedians because a lot of these ladies are really talented and probably making all of the hopelessly deluded would-be startlets very jealous here in L.A. (good, go back to the fucking farms, its too crowded here as it is and you won’t go out with me) So I won’t join in on the backlash. Besides, its way past my bedtime. So I’ll leave you to these pictures and you can just replay old episodes of Strangers With Candy in your head while you stare at Amy Sedaris full as a tick. Or maybe you’re thinking about other things… sick bastard.