I went to the Midnight showing of Hellboy II: The Golden Army tonight and fucking loved it. This is an epic that goes so far beyond being “just a comic book movie” that I consider it a moving piece of art. Guillermo Del Toro has proven once again that as a director he has total control over an AMAZING army of costumers, visual fx hordes and production designers. His unique fantasy aesthetic mixed with Mike Mingola’s brilliant characters bring Hellboy II to life with 10x the flesh of his indie-esque endeavors. It has proven that you can throw money at brilliance and return something positive.

Danny Elfman’s score is at once subtle and appropriate AND a bold storytelling symbiont, it took me half the film to figure out that it was even his! Perhaps the boldest musical choice was the mix of Rock Songs (namely the vintage Eels track) to push the narrative and successfully keep the slow points (the non-punchy shooty stuff) to a minimum.

But once again I can’t stress the amazing work of the artisans who crafted this film. The phrase of “too many cooks in the kitchen” does not apply to this film which must have had some amazing head chefs to produce this NON-STOP occular feast. Jim Henson and Stan Winston would weep if they could see the creativity in this SEAMLESS mix of CGI and good old fashioned creature effects.

As far as the acting goes it is a bit comic book-y but um, duh, it came from a fucking comic book. What do you want? That aside acting was fair, Seth McFarlane’s Germanic accent was a bit stressingly humorous, the fantasy characters melodromatic in an “I’m in 100 lbs. of foam rubber and you want me to be Peter-fucking-O’Tool for christsakes!” kind of way. The exception being Doug Jones’ triple costume duty which is probably as hard as it looks. And I think Selma Blair is hot.

But you’re now screaming, “What about the plot?” Because surely we have seen a bevy of movies lately trying to push a piece of shit plot through with an overload of Eye Candy to trick us right? Well, Not Really. Although Rotten Tomatoes is already rating 100% for The Dark Knight, calling it a crime drama on par with HEAT, I can’t say Hellboy II would get that kind of presumptive acclaim from this reviewer. HOWEVER! This movie is a fantasy, and a fucking good one at that. Deal with it.

Hellboy II: The Golden Army, directed by Guillermo Del Toro gets an 8.5/10 because I have an art degree and this movie makes Damien Hurst look like Jeff Koons made me cum in my pants and want to become a Production Artist.

This all being said. AliUptown and I already have our tickets for the Midnight showing of The Dark Knight next week. Sorry you only have a week to shine, Hellboy. Can’t wait for you to destroy the world in the 3rd!