Intr0vert may have reviewed Brooklyn’s dirty-glamorous Semi Precious Weapons back in November, but I wanted in on the action. So when the chance came along to interview them before their show on Lady Gaga’s Monster Ball tour, I picked my jaw up off the ground, threw some glitter on and rented a sexy Kia Spectra to get to Rosemont.

From ditching their Brooklyn apartment and hopping on a tour bus that follows my beloved Lady, their lives have been turned a bit upside-down in the past year. Lady Gaga actually opened for Semi Precious Weapons, back sometime between being Stephanie Germanotta and a 23 year old woman with her own army of Monsters.

Sitting down on the bus with SPW, I was expecting 30 minutes of me being awkward turtle while they stared at me blankly, wishing for a legit interview. To my utter amazement, it was just the opposite. Yeah, I did have four gorgeous rock stars staring at me, but to my relief it was just 6 people (including Justin’s mom for awhile) having a conversation about rock and roll, tits, blood, glitter-you know, normal stuff.


AvantTrash: So one of many things that intrigued me about you guys was your classical training. You went to Berklee. And now this…

Justin Tranter: We learned everything that we possibly could and then realized that we still wanted to make rock and roll. We were like ‘fuck this, let’s make the music that inspired us as kids’.

Cole Whittle: There’s not a lot of bands that you can see live and visually connect everything you hear with what you see. We’re actually playing EVERY sound.

JT: So I think with our training we’re able to make overwhelming, abrasive, fantastic sound-but there’s just the four of us on stage.

AT: Well & that makes sense because I always think of the live show as the visual manifestation of the music. But you have the classical training basing your music, so-

CW: I mean, you know all the rules so we can break them.

AT: What’s your guys’ favorite cuss word (this is serious journalism here!)

JT: Kunt*

(*note: WITH A K!!! –adjectiveve, slang: bitchin. As in, those heels are kunt.)

CT: Shitdick, shittitdick, gifthorse*
(*note: apparently the latest and greatest synonym for vagina)

Dan Crean: The always classic, fuck.

Stevy Pyne: Tarnish, there’s nothing worse than to tarnish something.

AT: What do you guys put in your hair?

CW: Gifthorse. (Naturally. Walked right into that one.)

JT: Bleach.

I asked Stevy about his fabulous wigs, and to my surprise he has yet to obtain one from Chicago. I directed him to the wig store Uptown I used to live behind. His most recent acquisition was named “Scandalous”. Intriguing.

He and Justin both grew up in the Chicagoland area, Justin actually about 20 minutes from Rosemont (venue location). I asked what it was like coming back.

JT: Stressful,  cause there’s like 79 people that want to get in for free, half of them I’ve never met.

AT: When you come back to Chicago, what are the token things you have to do?

JT: Go to Tacos El Norte in Lake Zurich Illinois, hang out with my parents, they’re the coolest people in the world. Play a show.

AT: Justin, your jewelry line-do you have any plans to expand the precious empire?

JT: It started as band merch, then kind of blew up magically. I guess you could say by accident, but an accident that required a retarded amount of hard work. It ended up at Urban Outfitters, and then we made with my mom all these high-end pieces for Barney’s.

I also got a few details about the future of his designs and while details are still top-secret, trust me when I say the future is bright and full of Fetty. He made a point to mention he has no desire to branch out into a fashion line, that he wants to stick w/ accessories, If anything, possibly shoes or makeup. Currently, he’s working with mermaids and religious symbols.

Cole on the other hand needs to get to work on that line of ponchos.

Considering they’ve booked dates until next December, I’m not sure when they have free time, let alone time to write, record or design. They have two days off in NY, and they’re using the time to make four videos. FOUR. Who needs a day off when you can make videos?

So in their hypothetical free time? Sleep.

Factor in the high-energy, crazily physical shows they play and I’m pretty convinced they’re super rock star robots. For realsies. Two concussions thus far, Cole busted his right arm during the first show of the tour, we dubbed it the ‘T-Rex arm’. Justin’s left shoulder has some weird, gritty tissue issues-he made me touch it, feels gross. Dan’s drums are covered in blood on a regular basis, not to mention Cole busted Justin’s head open with his bass, and his trademark bleached nude hair turned pink. It seems it’s worth it, for the band as well as their audience.

CW: It’s boring to just stand there, we’d kill ourselves if we just stood there.

JT: It blows our minds how many bands just stand there. And we’re so confused, and then they’re playing their track, so it sounds exactly like their record. If you aren’t moving, and you’re basically playing along with your record…

SP: Why not just press ‘play’ on your CD and just like, bake a cake on stage.

CW: The food network presents: Coldplay!

The new EP is out January 19th. It will be available on iTunes, the physical copies will be available at their shows. There are 3 songs total, but 2 songs will sound familiar to their precious fans.

JT: But we finally got to record them how we always wanted to. So we bought ourselves out of our indie deal and in the most honorable way to our old fans as possible, made that disappear. And we just can’t even believe how awesome it turned out. We were just listening to it in my Mom’s minivan-cause that’s how we roll.

AT: You’ve spent a fair amount of time in both New York and L.A. How do they compare to each other?

JT: People in LA really, truly enjoy rock and roll. We really had to convince NY to enjoy rock and roll. We did it, it took some work though.

CW: We actually prefer places like St. Louis and Chicago, where it’s neither. New York is supposed to be ‘cooler than thou’. L.A. is supposed to be ‘tackier than thou’, but they both think they’re hot shit, you know. And there’s a dynamic, when you go there, you expect hot shit everywhere. These places, it’s just face value.

DC: No one expects places like Atlanta and St. Louis to be hot shit, but they are.

JT: The Midwest really, really likes rock and roll. (note: because we’re bored)

AT: What can the audience expect from you tonight?

ALL: Crime, fun, filth, free champagne, absurd guitar solos, tasty licks, 5-inch heels, pantyhose, and wigs.

What can I say? They delivered. It was dirty and sticky and sexy  and I don’t think Rosemont, Illinois knew what was happening-why this gorgeous, Stuart Weitzman-wearing, bleached monster towering before them made them want to shake their asses and touch themselves. I know, it’s confusing, but just go with it.

They don’t all wear makeup and heels, but Justin wears enough for all of them. No really, I was intimidated by his beautiful makeup and shoes. I should note one of the highlights of the show was his outfit change (for the love of god, don’t call it an ‘costume change’. He doesn’t wear costumes.)

I should also note that they were thrilled to learn that ‘Semi Precious Weapons’ is between ‘Selena’ and ‘The Sex Pistols’ on my iTunes. No joke. The show, as promised, was high-energy, fucking balls to the wall rock and roll-those boys can play and sing their asses off. Consider them the foreplay to Gaga’s one night stand. Long story short (too late!), although it may have Lady Gaga’s tour, for that brief yet filthygorgeous set, the stage and the audience belonged to Semi Precious Weapons.