For those of you that enjoy “extreme relaxation”, your day has come. Serious. This is a real product on the market. That one could actually purchase.

Drank is apparently the latest “lifestyle” beverage to hit the market. Considered the anti-energy drink, it combines Valerian Root, Rose Hips, and Melatonin to “slow your roll” after a hectic day. It also promises to sharpen your attention at the same time. For reals. And it’s chock-full of sugar, much like its energy-drink counterpoints. Sensing a conflict in the product information?

 Part of the inspiration for this ridiculous beverage comes from Purple Drank, a recreational drug of choice for some, a mere cough suppressant for others. Woah, my roll has definitely slowed.

Look for this carbonated clusterfuck in liquor stores in the near future. I bet it goes great with vodka…

Awww, isn’t that precious?

(Don’t drink cough syrup.)