Shit. George Carlin has passed. Comedian, Philosopher, Enemy of Censorship - This is how George Carlin should be remembered.
Piss. This morning on Indie 103.1 comedian Patton Oswalt said not to be sad for the loss of George Carlin because he would have hated people crying over his death instead of celebrating his life. I think we profane loudmouths have a lot to thank Mr.Carlin for. Carlin, Richard Pryor and Lenny Bruce were perhaps the 3 most important people to ever take on the conventions of “Decency” and what is considered “Profanity”. Because of them we have freedom in media and this here internets to say whatever the Fuck we want.
Cunt.
Cocksucker. In his 5 decades of comedy he produced 23 albums, won 4 grammys and wrote 3 bestsellers. If you haven’t checked out his 14 HBO specials, I recommend you do so.
Motherfucker. He and my Dad have the same birthday…the day after mine. And for fucks sake, he was Rufus.
This video just reminded me to change my party affiliation back to Independent (I registered Democrat only for the Primary). I think joining either team guarantees that you are rolling over to take a corporate sponsored dildo up the ass. I can’t vote neither so at least I’ll vote for the one who talks about helping the environment, women’s rights and marriage equality; even if they never really do anything about it.
Lee Spievak lost the tip of his finger to a model airplane’s propellor. His brother just happens to be involved in Stem Cell Research and Regenerative Medicine. So like any good bro he sent him some magical pixie dust made from pig guts (like so many other magical pixie dusts are made from). Within a month the rest of his finger grew back… including his fingerprint.
The California Supreme Court, striking down two state laws that had limited marriages to unions between a man and a woman, ruled Thursday that same-sex couples have a constitutional right to marry.
The court’s 4-to-3 decision, drawing on a ruling six decades ago that struck down the state’s ban on interracial marriage, would make California only the second state, after Massachusetts, to allow same-sex marriages.
So girly dudes and manly chicks, get to hitchin’ before religious assholes in the suburbs try to ban it again.
* With the proper medical malady to do so… which is pretty much anything. And i’m going to say stress.
** Not that I would it’s just a total bonus that I can. It’s just good to know its there, like the knife I keep under the seat in my car.
Hippie New Year everybody. I missed 4:20 today. Cause I was working… on a Sunday. I’m in California, it should be a state holiday. This makes weed nun very unhappy.
Here is a link to a previous Weekly Trashing about Pot. I’ll spoil it for you. It should be legal.
How can you tell if you are in a cult? Your womens dress like this:
I bet their cult leader always has a white suit on and carries around a Lamb. Thats what I would do if I were a cult leader. And in my country 16 is the legal age for everything… but you have to take classes and earn merit badges before you are allowed to do any of it. Because I’m a Progressive Pragmatist.
As long as we are on the subject, Waco was a mass murder, not a mass suicide. Not because Bill Hicks says so (but thats probably good enough for me). But I’ve seen other videos and a full documentary broadcast on HBO that shows videos of the ATF filling the compound with tear gas that was supposed to force the cult members out (which it didn’t). The compound was then filled with another gas that when mixed with tear gas turned into a flammable nerve gas. Tanks ripped holes in the buildings, infra-red cameras indicated the tanks fired into the house (possibly more tear gas) and the whole fucking place burned to the ground. Massacre, not suicide. Even if its only half true, it’s still murder.
And sure I don’t believe everything just because it’s in a “documentary”. But I totally believe HBO, they know cults. By the way, you are all now on the Government watch list.
I’m gonna sit at the welcome table, gonna sit at the welcome table one of these days…
Be sure to cut this one’s head off. Because if 2-gun Chuck ever comes back from the grave he’ll be armed; and that would make a very dangerous zombie.
I’ve seen websites eulogizing the 84-year-old actor as a beacon of “liberty” but I think thats pretty fucked up. I’m all for us as a society having guns, but there are fucking limits. Most Republicans SHOULDN’T have the right to own guns, they aren’t going to use them if their government needs to be taken down anyway. And isn’t that the reason its in the Bill of Rights anyway? These NRA psychos are the assholes who put the current government into power. Thanks a lot Charlton Heston. douche. I’m going to start the Guns for Liberals™ program. Our motto, “The Left To Bear Arms”. Fuck I’m Clever.
So he was a good actor up until 30 years ago, its sad that we can’t remember that because him being a soulless looney gun homo has overshadowed any achievement in film… except in Bowling For Columbine. Oh sweet nectar, if you haven’t seen this movie then go out now and rent it, download it, borrow it from a liberal friend because it is amazing portrait of our gun crazed society and American hypocrisies in general. At the end Charlton Heston is confronted by Michael Moore with a photo of a kid that died in direct result of the gun-douchery that Heston promotes. There is no answer for what you say in that situation so old Moses-balls gets up and walks away. Good thing he was too stupid to know who Michael Moore was. He was probably just happy that someone was talking to him.
…is Acid. It’s the fucking truth. If you’ve been there then you know and if you don’t then its just too bad you didn’t get to rub your brain up against God’s beard like we did. I’m sure you weren’t doing anything better with your early 20’s when it would have been the best time for you to do it, too. But it’s never too late, you should go get some now. Its a lovely day after all. And it’s like my good friend A*** said, “It’s funny that they are all over at the church learning about God, when we’re over here experiencing it.”
Here is an amazing comic about LSD in the style of Jack T. Chick Publications which have scientifically* been proven as the most reasonable and effective manner to indoctrinate someone on the dangers of indulging in anything ever. What better way to teach people that they are hellbound than with a poorly drawn comic you pick up randomly off the sidewalk or haphazardly placed upon bags of dog food in grocery stores. I used to work graveyard shift at a grocery store and would find these all the time. I tried to collect them all. My favorite is still about shriners and freemasons worshipping the devil and fezzes being red because they were dipped in the flowing blood of christians.
I’ve never heard a real argument against LSD. Theres the bullshit about people jumping off of balconies because they thought they could fly. Well maybe they subconciously wanted to commit suicide anyway? Besides, nobody can prove that ever happened. There are quite a few cases that prove Alcohol to be a factor in people falling off buldings and balconies at colleges all around the country. The other thing people say is that “you’ll go crazy”, yeah maybe if you eat a whole sheet of it. As if you couldn’t die from drinking a whole bottle of Everclear.
Having a good experience is all about set and setting. If you do the proper dose and take it with knowlegable people that you love and trust with your life in a safe and comfortable environment then you’ll have one of the best, most memorable experiences of your life. You will see the true beauty of your life and the world around you, you will hear music with your entire body, you will see how meaningless the bullshit you surround yourself with really is (your job, your debts, your pointless fears). And it will be a hell of a lot more REAL than a trip to Disneyland.** Want more info? Consult the end all, be all of drug experimentation safety sites that is Erowid.org.
Have a good conversation with your cat everybody!
*science has been scientifically been proven the fastest way to hell according to Jack T. Chick.
** please don’t mix LSD with Disneyland or any other public expositions.
I don’t feel the need to perpetuate the distraction surrounding this video but it is a student film that uses all of the boring SFW plot from a 70’s “golden age” porno FILM intercut with scenes of destruction and the atrocities caused by our government in the Middle East since the 50s. The kid probably got in trouble for using the harmless innuendo laden film that just happened to be from a porno. Yes, I believe that 9/11 was an inside job and that our “leaders” are due to be held responsible for their crimes against humanity. I want to see it broadcast and public display when that happens. (Mussolini style). I restate this weekly and if you don’t like it then you can fuck right off.
Its been a Long Weekend. It’s fairly safe to say that I packed the most between 7:30 Friday when I got off work through 5am Monday morning when I went to sleep that I possibly could. I absolutely destroyed myself and feel great. Well, I felt pretty good this morning at least. Then work kicked my ass again. :sigh:
I managed to drink probably a gallon of whiskey. I’m not bragging, I’m just telling you thats whats up. I didn’t try to do so, I just went out every night. I was a little sluggish Sunday morning but no hangovers! Friday I hit the strip, I hadn’t in a while and was by no means disappointed. Rainbow, Barney’s Beanery and some sushi bar near the Viper Room (irony?) that had snake venom shots. It was this “vodka” that tasted like sake (it might’ve just been sake) and it had a whole dead snake in it. The sushi bartender had to pour it through a filter as to avoid filling the drink with scales. And the night ended well enough for me to not make it home until the following afternoon. Saturday I went to breakfast and actually got some excercise in the afternoon and topped it off with lots more drinking at On the Rox, Free drinks at another Sushi Restaurant and finally the Snake Pit. Sunday’s slow start allowed me to not get much cleaning done in my apartment and then surprise², I went out and drank. I hit up Cinespace and checked out a band that I’d seen a couple times before and have to say their show has improved quite a bit. 3 free Kentucky Breakfasts in the VIP area later and the night ended in conversations about Tony Danza and the Joe Dirt script in Greco’s Pizza. On top of that I watched Blade Runner, The Decline of Western Civilization and finished the Program design for Hastings High’s production of “Honk!” So yeah. Now I’m tired. And I’ve spared you the rigorous and juicy details. Somehow, I want to once again be paid for doing what I’ve done this weekend.
So on the job front I have to announce that an Ad that I designed will be making its way into Playboy, Rue Morgue and Fangoria next month (or the month after, I’m not sure). I said this before when I had a Sex In The City ad (not in the horror mags) that got shot down 5 minutes before I was going to upload the Mechanical. I announced it and then It didn’t happen. I counted my chickens before they hatched and the eggs were full of snakes. But this time. I don’t care. The Ad they chose was once again mine (with elements borrowed from one of the Key Art Comps) but it has the STUPIDEST quote as the headline so I’m not taking full credit. I still wrote a bit of copy in it and I’ve toiled too many hours on it so I guess now I’m kinda proud of it. Even if it looks fucking cheesy. Oh well, the movie that It’s for is cheesy, too.
To wrap this up I wanted to share with you a bit of a moral dilemma that presented itself to me at the end Zombie Jesus Day as I was arriving at Cinespace. I was crossing Hollywood Blvd at Ivar and I noticed these 3 loud cunts dropping N-bombs while 2 of the 3 were white. A second later I notice them starting to assault the man who was walking behind them. He was in his 70s. They roughed him up a bit, he pushed one in the face somewhat and they knocked off his hat and probably stole it. It was sad. I turned around to help him and looked at the hipsters in front of the club and none of them seemed to share my need to help the poor bastard. I also realized that these 3 hoodrats could probably stomp me (but not if I had another dude helping) and I was also fearful that these cunts would call the cops and say that WE assaulted them. So like an asshole I stayed out of it. As I walked into the club the door guy(6′5″ 225 lbs.) said, “Only in Hollywood, right?”. “I guess” I said, wondering why he didnt abandon his post to help (there was someone else there that could have watched the door).
So I pose this question to you. What would you do in the same situation?
Leave a comment.
Jesus visited me in the night and left chocolate eggs in Zero’s litter box. So here is my easter treat to you! A photo from 2005 from when AliUptown and I found a bunch of Zyklon-Bunnies behind an army reserve building. They had all died within 10 feet of each other and didn’t have a mark on them. We fear now that they were victims of CIA waterboarding. Hey Jesus, when will it end?
Today I was working on an Ad that might make it into Playboy. If you’ll remember, this happened a month ago when I had a Sex in the City DVD Ad that was chosen by their art directors, went through revisions, approved to release, went all the way to Mechanical (which means it was prepped to deliver to the printer) and just as I was going to upload it, HBO killed it. They don’t give us a reason when they do that stuff beyond our estimation that they don’t have it in their budget to do so. Wack. So I was bummed because of course I told everyone to watch for it and counted my chickens before they were hatched and also because I would have actually been proud of the Ad. I received all of these messages saying, “Congratulations!” and all for nothing. The Ad I was working on today is up against 5 other ones and I don’t think I have a real shot. The concept is pretty good but I actually hope it doesn’t make it because tagline they gave us is a lie. Their tagline is, “It’s Juno for the horror set”. Some asshole in marketing came up with it. Its not true because the movie we are making the ad for sucks, a lot. Piece of shit. Seriously. They had us read the script before they even started filming and i nearly pissed myself being incredulous. I thought, “There’s no way a script this bad will actually get made!” But sure enough, I screened the movie yesterday and it was verbatim. Christ. So many good horror scripts out there (Hello, Ali and I struck gold with Dormstalker?) and they have to make that piece of dung.
I’m not going to tell you what the movie is or which studio is putting it out (Straight to DVD of course) because I’d probably get in trouble. But needless to say it is NOT in any way, shape or form “Juno for the Horror set”. There are no pregnant teenagers in it, there are no A-List Actors in it, It is not an Academy Award-winning script written by a former stripper in Minnesota, it will never play in an arthouse theatre, it will never play in a multi-plex, the female star is not the next big thing (she was on Growing Pains) and it will not lead to the rise in sales of orange tic tacs. If this film were reviewed on a Horror site such as DeadLantern.com, it would recieve a 3 out of 10 for looking semi-professionally done for a horror movie on DV Cam with massive points deducted for not being bloody enough nor giving the audience nearly enough of an interesting plot to suspend their bloody disbelief. (And Deejay would deduct points for not showing tits)
Gah. If they pick my design and keep ANY of that Tagline then I am going to barf on my keyboard for knowing that the first large circulation consumer Ad of mine to be released would be for a movie that bad. And so you know, the tagline from the Sex in the City Ad beat out 4 designs was all mine. It was certainly better than “It’s Juno for the Horror Set”.
The other terrible thing that happened today is that I just now finished the screener for Fred Claus. Thats right. I’m working on the DVD design for Fred Claus. I hate working on Christmas films. ESPECIALLY IN MARCH! Can’t I enjoy my Lenten season without Jesus or Santa Claus?
(Hey Ali, I think they filmed some of Fred Claus by where you work. I’m totally sneaking your apartment into the design.)
“Hey Vader, How are things? I’ve been good, a bounty here, some rebel surveillance there. I’ve been pretty busy lately so I decided to treat myself. I bought this great desk from a chubby Mediterranean stereotype at the Crate&Blaster on Tattooine. It’s really nice. Mostly carbonite. It has sort of a cloud city vibe. Oh yeah and it holds the frozen body of Han Solo, which I think really says, “this guy is the bounty hunter for you”, ya know what I mean? Well I’ve got a couple clones running around the office that I said I’d take to Ice Cream so I’d better wrap this up. Good luck with that kid of yours, yikes! Rebel Alliance, huh? Damn Hippies. Next thing you know he’ll be voting for Nader! Well you take care, buddy. I’ll see you at the company picnic!
-Bob”
I found this tasty thing on The Stylephile. The HAN SOLO IN CARBONITE DESK is almost on par with the Kiss Coffin for overly-obsessive memorabilia. It was made for some douchelicious god-twat from the band (barf) Casting Crowns. It mentioned they are Grammy-Winning but really if its for Christian Rock thats like winning the gold medal in curling. Nobody gives a shit. (See, you don’t even know what curling is.) Its good to see he isn’t using that money to help the poor or anything.
My Christian Rock band is called Soulgasm. Our latest release “Come On, Jesus!” is out now in Chapel Bookstores Everywhere. But back to this sweet desk! There are a few areas where it could be sweeter, like if the slab looked more like the movie for example. I’m assuming the Harrison Ford relief sculpture is the hard part of the design but that thing looks like they took apart a bunch of Jeeps from the Korean War. And the glass looks way too high to be functional. Sweet concept though. The Carbonite room/Empire battle scene inspired legs are rockin’. It might be even better if it looked like it was levitating.
I’m leaving you with the quote from the site I snagged this link from– Han Solo: “Hokey religions and ancient weapons are no match for a good blaster at your side, kid.”
According to a less than credible UK paper, Daniel Radcliffe’s life could be in great peril. (Dobby warned him that he must not go back to Hogwarts!) He is currently filming Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince and is under heavy protection from ex-SAS (thats limey speak for Navy Seal) Guards. They have been swapping vehicles to throw off Death Eaters any would be assailants. As far as I’ve read, there is just one dude after him; I bet it’s Voldemort! Ok maybe its not he-who-must-not-be-named but rather he-who-must-have-too-much-free-time.
His alleged stalker is just one guy in his 20’s (I guess that means that I’m a suspect). It is also reported that Radcliffe has asked for protection for his dogs. Fuck that, who is watching out for Hedwig? Anyone who is familiar with Harry Potter should know that this kind of cloak-and-dagger can only help his performance of the final Potter Book. Oh man, it makes me creamy thinking about the shit coming up. If you don’t know then I feel as sorry for you as pathetic Lost fans must feel for me. Something lights up in my chest when I see new trailers for this stuff and the music comes up at the end. It’s probably magic. If you haven’t read the books yet then here is your last chance to kill the things before the last 2 movies come out. Trust me when I say that you will be swallowed whole by the story and that this literary fever may not happen again for some time. Unless you have some sort of jesus-boner for that Narnia bullshit. In which case I disown you as a friend human. Messianic lions and Santa Claus bringing you weapons? What the fuck are you thinking!? Magical British Wizard childrens is way better. Duh. The Harry Potter books actually make the movies better when you know whats going to happen and what to look forward to (or what you dread seeing happen to characters you’ve become attached to). Its the kind of two-way experience from reading that doesn’t happen very often so you should probably get out and enjoy it now. Also you’ll have something to talk to strangers about in airports.
I leave you now with an AMAZING plot synopsis of Harry Potter for beginners (firsties).
This neighborhood is on LOCKDOWN. The Goodyear blimp is overhead. 3 Helicopters are circling. Every 10 mins i hear a group of people screaming. It could be a war, but it’s just the Oscars.
I had to walk down to the street to check it out and its mostly Latinos rubbernecking with their very small children at risk of being stepped on like so many chihuahua. And the “God Hates Fags” assholes from the Westboro Baptist Church are here. They have a sign that says “Heath in Hell” to accompany their “Thank God for Dead Soldiers”. If one walks past me in front of my apartment and the cops aren’t in sight then I’m going to beat them and leave them for dead, and God will thank me for it. Some lovely people were protesting them, and I gave them my thanks. Have a lovely day of make believe.
Seagulls circle my Hollywood apartment,
Their errant feathers fall as a turquoise screen dries on my balcony.
I stare at the records on the wall and lengthen the nails behind them,
as if it will help when the 7.2 rolls across the valley and into the 101.
The cross falls on Barham, tourists beware.
as the locals barely look up from their Lattes,
The transplants stand in the doorways.
