I was priviledged tonight to accompany a friend of mine, another former Nebraskan and a recently transplanted Angeleno working for a prominent entertainment periodical to a screening of the 8-time Oscar Nominated film
“Inglorious Basterds”. An immense fan of Quentin Tarantino’s work of course i’d seen it before but what made the screening special was the venue and a few particular guests in attendance, namely the director himself, co-star Eli Roth (director of Cabin Fever, Hostel), producer Lawrence Bender and a few Holocaust Survivors.

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In L.A. you are encouraged not to acknowledge a celebrity’s existence —certainly don’t say anything to them, that’s what tourists do! It’s understandable why. After all we are all human beings who wish to be rewarded for our deeds but allowed our personal freedoms including the right to peace and privacy. But I’ll have been a citizen of the The City of Angels for 3 years come Valentine’s Day (romantic I know) and I don’t give a fuck what you say, if I want to talk to someone regardless of who they are…I’m gonna. Of course even I have my rules and standards. You never, ever bother a famous person with their kids or at dinner…EVER! And I want it very clear that I’m not trying to bother anyone just because they are famous. It’s ALWAYS about WHAT they do, which is why they are famous to begin with unless they are a non-celebrity like cast members of The Hills*. I’m not going to say something unless I really have something to say. Problem is, you always think of something to say out-of-the-blue 5 minutes later. Fortunately this afternoon. I had just such a 2nd chance.

You should know that I have an EAGLE-EYE for personalities. Some people just have that “glow-of-importance” to them. Maybe I can subconsciously observe their aura. I know that sounds ridiculous.** I have no real explanation for it. When I first moved to California my inner dialog after a quick glance at someone was always, “That person looks a lot like _________.” only to realize at 2nd glance that it most likely was that person, just doing whatever. I’ve learned now to accept that it probably is that person as it proves true more likely than not.

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The theme of the party was controversy. Of course there was a guy there with a bloody rubber glove and a coat hanger but the costume that impressed me was this boxy airplane flying into both flaming towers of the World Trade Center. These girls have balls as well as skills to wear these costumes. This party was on Devil’s Night; they told me they had a different costume for Halloween, one a bit less offensive. But they didn’t tell me what. Not much really offends me anyway…besides Kirk Cameron.

Do you think those girls feel bombed? I think PBR was an inside job.

“You Don’t Say!”

Ted Kennedy was badass. If only every elected Democrat would follow his lead.

You’ll be missed, Senator Kennedy.

Dude, I was literally to the left of the dude wearing the Nebraska hat. In fact, I was facing this chick’s direction as this argument went down. Photo via the Journal Star.

I didn’t even know about the health care rally until my girlfriend mentioned it about thirty minutes before it started. Way to go Obama. Utilize your e-mail list a bit better. Anyway, it was a muggy day and I decided to walk down wearing my They Live tee which garnered a bunch of weird facial reactions from the hippy leftists who weren’t sure whether or not I was with the protesters to said protesters who kept taking pictures of my shirt. Seriously. One dude even got out his camcorder and filmed it. Not me, just the tee. I’m sure this image will be popping up on conservative blogs all over the country with “OBEY” replaced with “OBAMA”. Come to think of it, that’s a pretty clever use…

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Stop panicking.

Sarah Palin is gold for Democrats. Strike that…she’s platinum. She is the absolute most valuable asset the Democrats have against Republicans. She’s worth far more to us than Rush or Dick or Steele or Newt. In fact, the only Republican on earth who is worth more is George Bush, but he’s apparently gone into witness protection since the election. Every time Sarah Palin opens her mouth, either something stupid comes out or something hilarious ensues. Platinum.

When John McCain picked this unqualified idiot for vice president he virtually conceded the presidency to Barack Obama. I will be eternally grateful to John McCain for that. Conservatives love Sarah Palin. Infatuated is probably a better term. So much so that they believe this weird mythology about her. That she is a fiscal champion (even though as mayor of Wasilla she left the town 20 million dollars in debt). That she fights government waste (she actively supported the “Bridge to Nowhere”, then flip-flopped, then took the government money anyway). That she is the very definition of ethics (she was found guilty of abuse of power in the Troopergate scandal by a Republican dominated committee). She’s been a complete fraud from the beginning and even Alaskans have taken notice as her approval rating has plummeted 30 points in the past few months. But now the freakshow has gotten even better

Palin has quit.

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Rush Limbaugh tried to capitalize on the death of Michael Jackson by making the ridiculous statement that Michael Jackson’s success was directly related to the success of Ronald Reagan. He even went so far as to say that he “languished” under Bush 41 and Clinton and “died under Obama”. Now the stupidity of a statement like that could be dissected every which way, but I would argue strongly that Michael Jackson was never not a huge success story. And his success certainly had nothing to do with a particular president.

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Another Republican sex scandal, right on the heels of Senator John Ensign.

See, the difference between Republicans and Democrats is that, when you make your party the “party of God”, then your fall from grace will always be worse than if Eliot Spitzer is found banging hookers. That’s the problem with conservatives. They’ve spent so much time labeling liberals as the “party of heathens” that when a Democrat starts bangin chicks…well it’s just not a big deal because they are “expected” to act in that way. Y’know, that “badge of honor” that the holier than thou Limbaughs of the world like to toss around. Conservatives have made a concerted effort for decades to make Democrats and liberals the party of “anti” family values. Now you’ll start hearing them whine about the “double-standard” and that the big bad media is picking on them and not treating them the same as a Democrat in the same situation. It drives them nuts. But that’s the bed they’ve chosen to get laid in. Deal with it, whiners. Like when Bill Clinton left office with a higher approval rating than Ronald Reagan even after they spit all their fire and brimstone at Slick Willy and his Elephantine Harem. Like I said, it drives conservatives nuts.

Just saw Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen today. It’s one of the worst pieces of crap I’ve ever seen. I’ll post a full review on AvantTrash tomorrow.

Oh, and lots of Iranians on O Street here in Lincoln holding up green signs and chanting “Mousavi” and “Free Iran”.

By now, everyone has learned that Barack Obama studied under Mr. Miyagi and that he brutally murdered Dr. Andre Delambre (no comment as of yet from Vincent Price’s corpse). God damn, what they say about Chicago politicians being brutal ain’t no lie. Considering the fact that Colbert has been having a nightly segment dedicated to parodying the incident entitled “Murder in the White House” (Jeff Goldblum was on the other night to vomit and then suck up his 2 cents) there’s not much more I can add comedy wise to the situation. However, the best thing about Ninjabama’s actions was PETA getting up in arms about it.

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Fine by me. I wish I was paid to beat off. I should have stuck with wrestling. And maybe being blessed with more hardbody genes would have been ok too. But I do ok on my own. Read all about it…
via 2 Girls, 1 Queen (San Francisco of course)

I’m a firm believer that Twitter is the dumbest shit ever.  I find its very existence to be patently absurd. I’m not one of the 10% of  12 year old girls and my “going on 30″ friends who feel the need to be a Twitter hipster, but hey, that’s just me. I’m an anti-social bastard who hates people and would like the ability to say that in more than “140 characters”. But, whatever makes them feel good about themselves, I guess.

Whether or not Twitter is relevant isn’t really the issue. Recently, Republican Senator Chuck Grassley posted this on his twitter page:

“Pres Obama you got nerve while u sightseeing in Paris to tell us”time to deliver” on health care. We still on skedul/even workinWKEND.”

and then this:

“Pres Obama while u sightseeing in Paris u said ‘time to delivr on healthcare’ When you are a “hammer” u think evrything is NAIL I’m no NAIL”

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This past week, Rush Limbaugh not only called Sonia Sotomayor a racist, but impugned the entire Democratic party for  supporting her and for nominating her in the first place. On top of that he said she’d be a complete failure and a total “disaster”.  He even compared her to David Duke, which is ironic considering his next comment.

Today, Rush Limbaugh says he could support the nomination if Sotomayor would overturn Roe v. Wade.

So from Rush Limbaugh’s perspective, he would knowingly put someone he believed to be an unqualified racist to a lifetime appointment on the Supreme Court if that supposed unqualified racist voted the way he wanted them to do, in this case, overturn Roe v. Wade.

Which means… using his own logic, Rush Limbaugh would support David Duke for the Supreme Court.

This has been Today in Conservative Logic brought to you by Purdue Pharma LP, makers of Oxycontin!

Way back when, as Barack and Hillary battled to the teeth for the Democratic nomination, I argued that the election of Barack Obama would, at the very least, have some positive impact on our relations with the Muslim world. At the time, I even argued that it might have more profound consequences that we may never fully appreciate (namely, preventing potential future terrorists by changing the fundamental perspectives  young Muslims have towards America). It’s way too early to tell if any of Obama’s hope and change will stick with the Muslim world but I think it is pretty clear that Obama is changing the Middle East in strange ways. Take the picture above, for example. When was the last time you saw Muslims selling images of an American president comparing him to King Tut? On the eve of Obama’s major speech to the Arab world from Cairo, vendors are celebrating our president as the second coming of one of the most beloved Pharaohs of Ancient Egypt. Maybe that happened with Bush and we just never saw it?  Regardless, the contrast between a Pharaoh and getting shoes thrown at you is pretty stark.

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In response to Charlie Rose mentioning that Supreme Court nominee Sonia Sotomayor was intelligent, Karl Rove responded “I know lots of stupid people who went to ivy league schools.” Don’t you hate those Freudian slips?

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As I write my first post for the amazing and astounding avanttrash.com (slurpage is required in the job description) I am reminded of all the great people who brought me to this apex of my amateur blogging career. First to my mother, who without her uwavering support I would…..wait, what? You say I’ve joined a website even less well-known than the one I was a part of before? Wait a minute! I don’t get paid for my contributions to this site either?! Unbelievable! And here I believed T.J.’s sweet nothings only to find out that his tongue not only tickles, but is silver laced! Moral of the story: never trust a horny guitar player :)

In any event, I’m going to be the new “political correspondent” for avanttrash. I’ll be posting liberal propaganda from time to time and telling you why Republicans are douchebags (and sometimes, Democrats). Though I was born in the worst Catholic hospital in the country (Screw you, St. Francis)  in good old Grand Island, Nebraska, I spent a decade living in the liberal utopia known as  California (Redlands, to be exact). It was at this time that the California public education system properly indoctrinated me into liberal philosophy, probably because of the horror and shame they were feeling (thanks, Reagan!). I’ve known T.J. and Ali for about 10 years now and “directed” both in a horror film called The Grand Horror. If you’ve ever wondered what T.J. is like as an actor, stop wondering, because he isn’t one. :)

In all seriousness, I want to thank T.J., Ali, and the other avanttrash contributers for bringing me into the fold. I have a very pro-flame war bias when it comes to politics and I expect there might be some fun times coming in the future. I also want to thank my co-hosts and supporters over at the Splattercast. I can’t wait for the inevitable “Benedict Arnold” and “Et tu Mathias?” e-mails. Deadlantern is way more interesting a site without me anyway, right? :)

With that, I hereby demand that President Obama not be a pussy and prosecute Cookie Monster. The law is the law and I don’t care how many Sesame Street fans argue that they “only” did it to one terrorist.