Shit. George Carlin has passed. Comedian, Philosopher, Enemy of Censorship - This is how George Carlin should be remembered.
Piss. This morning on Indie 103.1 comedian Patton Oswalt said not to be sad for the loss of George Carlin because he would have hated people crying over his death instead of celebrating his life. I think we profane loudmouths have a lot to thank Mr.Carlin for. Carlin, Richard Pryor and Lenny Bruce were perhaps the 3 most important people to ever take on the conventions of “Decency” and what is considered “Profanity”. Because of them we have freedom in media and this here internets to say whatever the Fuck we want.
Cunt.
Cocksucker. In his 5 decades of comedy he produced 23 albums, won 4 grammys and wrote 3 bestsellers. If you haven’t checked out his 14 HBO specials, I recommend you do so.
Motherfucker. He and my Dad have the same birthday…the day after mine. And for fucks sake, he was Rufus.
This video just reminded me to change my party affiliation back to Independent (I registered Democrat only for the Primary). I think joining either team guarantees that you are rolling over to take a corporate sponsored dildo up the ass. I can’t vote neither so at least I’ll vote for the one who talks about helping the environment, women’s rights and marriage equality; even if they never really do anything about it.
It sits on the charging dock all night, then dies on my way to work when I put it on shuffle. Or it just plain freezes until it’s connected to a power source again. What an asshole. I’ve had it for a few years, so I’m not exactly surprised that it’s nearing its end. The idea of not having one terrifies me in ways even I don’t understand. It’s like a security blanket, and it’s a great excuse to ignore people, plusI really enjoy having a soundtrack to my life. But cripes, I’m not sure if I have an extra few hundred to shell out for a new one. intr0vert says I should wait until the next generation iPhone comes out.
But the thought of my iPod completely giving up before then is enough to give me nightmares.
I just sold my Zune mp3 player. For practically nothing. Granted, my mom won it in a drawing, so I shouldn’t complain. I’d even consider using it if I still had a PC. I don’t quite understand the negative stigma attached to the Zune-I know it’s no iPod, but I didn’t mind it when I still used it.
This is definitely not high up on my concerns/priorities list, survival being at the top of course. But it certainly is the icing on the shitcake that is my life these days. Wah, right? If my life soundtrack was on, it’d be playing Travis’ “Why does it always rain on me?”.
Geez yo, I haven’t posted here in forev! Not since intr0vert’s/my joint postings (and by joint I mean me throwing in my two cents while napping on the couch as he typed) during my visit to Hollywood. Speaking of, I thought maybe some of yous (anyone?) would be interested to know about my goings on in the city of angels and dirtbags.
intr0vert was an excellent tour guide and host, my experience wouldn’t have been half as enriched if he hadn’t been my guide. I must admit, when he made the trip to Chicago for my birthday, I probably wasn’t the best tour guide-I’d only been there 7 months and didn’t have my tour guide/public transportation chops up to par yet. (I’ll do better next time, I promise!)
Let me share with you a few misguided misconceptions I had about L.A.:
-You can’t smoke anywhere in L.A.
Mostly I got this idea from Sex & the City, when Carrie goes to L.A. to meet with a production company , and is prevented from smoking wherever she goes, even on the outside deck of her hotel room. (”I have an addiction sir!”) I guess I also had this impression because of the whole Hollywood health/physical appearance obsession that I read about in the news on Perez all the time. I was surprised that a few places we went to had smoking rooms, some were not even open air. Chicago is not down with that shit. You can’t even smoke in outdoor seating areas here. Anywho-doesn’t really affect me, just an observation.
-Nobody walks in L.A.
Again, another thing I’ve heard through the grapevine of pop culture media. I was assuming that since everyone drives in L.A., that nobody walks. Not so, my friends. Oh, we drove almost everywhere…but then we parked 10 blocks away. Parking in L.A. is just as bad as most parts of Chicago. Any parking you find here is either permit parking only or will cost you $50. Not a big deal, I don’t ever wanna be the girl that bitches about how far away the car is, but it did limit my cute shoe options. You see, its a delicate ratio. Typically as the cuteness of the shoe goes up, its comfort level goes down.
On a side note: I also thought that there was no worthwhile public transportation there. I met an actual human being that took a bus to work everyday. Even intr0vert was considering trying the train out as a daily commute. And my experiences on the subway were fairly pleasant. Although, I’m not sure the idea of an underground train on a fault line sits well with me. I’m just sayin.
-Everyone in L.A. is beautiful and glamorous (thanks to Fergie, I can spell that word now).
Oh, there were plenty of beautiful people there. But there were a lot of really unspecial people there, too. The air in Hollywood was thick with ego, which didn’t surprise me so much. What surprised me was that I was expecting the clothes to make the man a little more. Actually, the woman. The chicks there seemed to fall into two categories: The strapless tube dress complete with hooker shoes (do hookers call them ‘work shoes’?) and makeup applied with a paintball gun, or cutesy, hipster chicks. I’m typically the type of girl that prefers to be overdressed, rather than under dressed. And don’t get me wrong, I wear a lot of makeup. A drag queenish amount. On a daily basis.
So…famous people. I was promised by intr0vert at least three sightings. The first was only half a sighting, as it was just Jael from America’s Next Top Model a couple seasons ago. She was a hot tranny mess on Hollywood, trashy outfit, crazy pink furry hat, and I’m sure was operating on one or more psychiatric drugs. We also saw Janeane Garafalo walking in Studio City and Vincent Kartheiser (from Angel-I’m a vampire nerd, remember?) at the Magic Castle. Some others too, I can’t remember. Some dude from a teen movie bummed me a smoke. Good shit, huh?
I will have to make this a to-be-continued post. Even though it was like two weeks ago. Lots happened, and I’m sure people are riveted by my recounts of my vacation. Long story short (too late!), Hollywood did not disappoint. More soon, I promise.
The California Supreme Court, striking down two state laws that had limited marriages to unions between a man and a woman, ruled Thursday that same-sex couples have a constitutional right to marry.
The court’s 4-to-3 decision, drawing on a ruling six decades ago that struck down the state’s ban on interracial marriage, would make California only the second state, after Massachusetts, to allow same-sex marriages.
So girly dudes and manly chicks, get to hitchin’ before religious assholes in the suburbs try to ban it again.
* With the proper medical malady to do so… which is pretty much anything. And i’m going to say stress.
** Not that I would it’s just a total bonus that I can. It’s just good to know its there, like the knife I keep under the seat in my car.
My West Coast conversion countdown has begun. In two days, AliUptown and intr0vert will reunite when I visit my L.A. counterpart for his birthday (which is Mother’s Day, go buy a card). If you’re in the L.A. area, give us a call. If you are in the Chicagoland area…too bad. I can’t wait. Can you?
I’ve been in Los Angeles for 1 year, 2 months, 12 days and 5 hours now and I have a very small group of friends to show for my time here. I have come to the conclusion that I must be a total asshole with absolutely no social skills whatsoever otherwise I’d actually be doing something at 11pm on a Friday night. Its not that I didn’t have plans. Someone asked me if I wanted to meet them at a bar. Knowing that people flake like mad around here I made backup plans to meet someone else at the same bar JUST IN CASE person #1 flaked.
I understand that sometimes it can’t be avoided. Sometimes you get REALLY tired or something, it was hot as hell today so if you were outside you are probably destroyed right now. I did some balcony gardening and had to put shoes on because my feet were melting. So I could see calling in flake for that… sometimes. I can also see that if you’ve been in traffic all day (which is like slow moving prison) that you don’t want to drive around and things are really spread out around here (20 minutes to everywhere my ass!) so I can see not wanting to drive… but even the distance flake has its limits… like the fact that I ALWAYS HAVE TO DRIVE.
Well I’m sick of it. I must have no friends at all. Usually I drive and never complain about doing so. Then when it comes to going out and I ask if people want to carpool… they don’t. Awesome, not only are people being assholes to me we can fuck up the environment together! I feel special.
I had a nice Lazy Saturday or Caturday (because I get to be as lazy as Zero). I watched movies [Wristcutters: A Love Story(2006) EuroTrip(2004) and Cutie Honey(2004)] and still managed to make eggs for breakfast, clean up my apartment, repot a plant, do the dishes, wash the cat, make cheesy broccoli and cod for dinner and play guitar all day. So it was all good and productive and I expected a nice night out… that i very much need and deserve considering I WORKED ALL THE WAY THROUGH LAST WEEKEND. But sure enough I started getting messages saying… “Sorry we tired, another time”, no problem I thought, Thats why I made a backup plan yesterday, so I texted my backup and… “Sorry, take a rain check?” Well, I thought this was the raincheck. Seems it never rains in southern California.
I propose a limitation on flaking. You get 2 per month. Seriously, is there no standard anymore? I have a DRASTIC problem with trusting in what others say or KEEPING plans. I don’t claim to NEVER flake but I do claim A VERY LOW FLAKE RATIO. Maybe its just because I have nothing better to do…see no friends.
Everytime I go out, I have a great time. I drink (surprisingly in moderation lately), I dance, I make merriment. So its pretty hard to make friends when I never make it out of the apartment. The double edge of Hollywood is that there are so many people here, so much to do; yet almost everyone you meet is a total flake. (Looking out for #1 much?)
If you plan on moving out here, don’t stay somewhere trustworthy like the midwest for too long. You’ll only be disappointed in the flakedness of others.
It’s coming soon. I can feel it. I’ve noticed more and more that I’m no longer fucking broke. I have debt, sure, but I’m starting to turn into an adult that can go out and buy shit to better my surroundings. I’ve asked myself “what home furnishings and home accessories should I buy?” And god has answered my prayers with one gentle word: KNIVES!!!
God started small by saying, “Hey, how about you have some knives in the kitchen… and how about they be going through a little guy?” That’s when I asked God if he’d ever considered seeing a therapist. To which God replied, “Thats not covered by my health insurance.” “What is?” I responded. And we both chuckled. Then the almighty said unto me, “You know what? I was just fucking around about the little guy with the knives through him idea. Maybe we should just stab a bunch of knives into the wall and hang our coats on them?” To which I replied, “God, I love you.” And God curled up into my lap and started purring (cause he’s really a cat).
Then just because he likes being the guy who names things before people can invent them so he can claim that he had the idea first, God went kinda crazy and just started naming off shit around the house that could be made of knives, (Guy holding a Knife Outline Shadow Shower Curtain*, Knife 3-panel folding Room Divider, Knife Christmas Wreath, Knives for legs Coffee Table, Knife Mirror [drew up about 4 of these], Knife Bookshelf…) I kinda lost interest because it was Wednesday and South Park was on. Then it ended up not being a very good episode cause it kinda feels like the middle of the season so I watched an old one and it was a little better. Then there was a bunch of honking and bad driving outside because there was a show at the Hollywood Bowl a couple blocks away. I found out all of those bad, rude, loud drivers went to see Jay-Z and Mary J. Blige. There are too many J’s in the world. Then God told me about the Earthquake in April of 2009 and I said, “Wait, that hasn’t happened yet!” and he said, “Oh yeah, well nevermind, don’t worry about it, forget I said anything” And my attention span is short, so I did.
*I unfortunately found out this exists but compared to what I had in my head is WAAAAY poorly designed so I’m not even going to link it. and JUST SO YOU KNOW, I did sketches of about everything I mentioned and almost all of which can actually be made with a few quick welds and screws.
Take 7 minutes out of your day and watch this adorable shit.
There’s no pride in the world like watching your 4-year old drop in like a big boy. That’s it-my kids are gonna have a guitar in one hand and a skateboard in the other. Straight outta the womb. Screw that. They can use my uterus as a half pipe.
Lately, I’ve been thinking about what kind of parent I might be. Kinda weird, but my brother Jason just had his 4th, and my brother T.C. is about to have his 1st, so yeah, it’s on my mind a little more than usual. But that’s all, I have no clock ticking in my head or my fallopian tubes or anything. For a long time, I didn’t think I wanted kids. Now I think I only do in that vain “I wanna see a little version of myself running around someday” type of way.
I myself was kinda force-fed a lot of extracurricular activities starting in grade school. It could be pretty awful at times, but I also think I’m kinda better off for it. So I don’t know what kind of parent I’d be. Mine did a pretty good job, but then again, they had like 8 chances to practice getting it right before they got around to me. I’m actually pretty lucky that I have my parents to use as an example, a lot of people I know have at least one parent who are an example of how NOT to parent.
So here’s what I want in life:
-I want people to have to complete and pass an IQ test before being allowed to breed. (That kid is BACK on the escalator!)
-I want to be the ‘cool mom’, the one that all the neighborhood kids like and treat more like a friend than a parent, the one that some of the other parents are maybe a little freaked out by.
I’d like to see you choke yourself out. Just hold your throat until it goes dark. There are a few of your co-workers standing around, they’ll catch you. Then I’ll buy this car.
I drove all the way out to Santa Monica today to check out Volkswagens. Apparently there is a limit on their appreciation of BRAND LOYALTY. Because my car is a 1995 Jetta, it doesn’t qualify and they weren’t going to hook me up with the discount. Does that make me any less loyal than someone who bought a 2001? I think not.
I really want to buy a new car but I can’t see paying $250 a month for 4 years ON A LEASE as worth it. I drove some cars that I really liked, but they would be $400 a month (It’s not to be, my sweet GTI). So, no new car for me …yet. I don’t so much have a problem with the money as I have a problem with driving the same car for 4 years when it’s not the one I wanted. I almost bought a black 4 door Rabbit, but I decided to wait a bit.
I knew today wasn’t the day (even though i’ve got some bank) so I totally fucked with the dealers just to see how low they would go and observe how they fight for a deal. What started out as a conversation about a $300/mo payment went all the way down to $200 on my way out the door. It was vicious. And I’m ballsy enough that I might walk in 3 months later (when they are trying to unload the 08’s) and ask for the same. Every little thing you tell a dealer, they use. I was wearing a Go-Go’s shirt so they tried to sell me Rock and Roll. Just to try to escape I told them that my industry is fickle and we could all be out of a job soon and they tried to tell me that, “You can’t go through life living in fear.” True that, VW.
So actually in the middle of the deal one of the other salesman (who was pretty honest for a dealer) told me that in a couple months they will be trying to get rid of the 08 stock and they’ll get cheap again. So i’ll just have to wait for that. But they put up these sucker deals to attract customers ($199/mo, no money down, blah blah blah) and then they try to squeeze an extra hundred out of you per month. It might not seem shady but when you figure thats $1200 more a year (equivalent to 10 student loan payments or just over 1 months rent) then you really have to ask of their integrity. Why can’t they just say, “This is how much this car is, its the cheapest we can do it. You want it?” I know the answer, it’s because of Chumps. I wasn’t going to be one of them, not today at least.
But I still need a better car. I’ll be the chump when my 95 86’s itself on the 101. Oh well, they weren’t going to give me much for it anyway.
Before I went to college, I worked at a Ford dealership and met some shady, fucked up salesmen. They looked down on the people who service the cars and thought they were so great because they sold them. You know what, dude, the cars could sell themselves. You’re just paid to fuck the buyers out of a little extra monies. Because of that I approach all of them with my knife out. Better safe than sorry when you deal with people who make their living off the monthly struggle of others.
But it sure would be nice to roll around in something in L.A. that doesn’t occasionally st-st-stutter.
My hometown of Grand Island, Nebraska was known for years (and still is I believe) as a METH CAPITOL. For shame? Fuck No! I take it as a point of pride! Let me tell you what, buddy, for a town of 50,000 it’s good to be known for anything at all. Being the birthplace of Henry Fonda and the site of the “Night of the Twisters” just wasn’t keeping us going, it took the phenomena of blue collar workers, bored teenagers, and plenty of empty space to make us the absolute best place to make, sell, and distribute Crystal Meth. If it sounds like an advertisement, it is! My hometown was awesome! I wish that I could live there now… but still live in L.A. of course. Not because of the Meth but because it’s so fucking fun to watch!
My hometown is what I would call a very small pond. And in this pond there are many, many odd fishes. Kinda like when they build new unmanned submarines that can dive to parts of the ocean that have never been seen by man and there are all of those fish that have glowing lights and strange tentacles and bug eyes… same thing. Sometimes I wish I could go there to disconnect ya know? Just do like 2 designs a month just to pay my 300 bucks a month rent (FOR A HOUSE) and drink $1.75 Miller High Life at a dive bar. The only problem, almost all of the eligible females moved away and went to college never to return.
But it would also be great to live there because there is so much that you could do FOR a place like that. When I was growing up we had NOTHING to do. Seriously. We used to have to put on DIY concerts there because there was no place to play music. We had a venue for a while but the city closed it down (the alley was the restroom) and also the rent money was used for, wait for it… that’s right, METH!
When I lived there, I always told my friends, “Wouldn’t it be weird to be proud of where you came from?” and it was true. I hated the place, it did nothing for me or ANY of its youth and I ran away as soon as I could. But a couple years ago I realized that I was proud of where I came from because it was such a shithole. It motivated me to get out and see as much of the world as I could. Until I got trapped here (damnit). But I still have a sense of pride in knowing that I wanted to get out and do something with my life, and I think I did. I just bought my airline tickets for my 10-year high school reunion in July and I can’t wait to go back.
My favorite Post is Raisin Bran -wait! I take it back! I love Grape-Nuts. I like how deceptive they are. If they could talk (and to me they do) they would say, “I have it all figured out: I can call myself whatever the fuck I want to and it doesn’t matter. I know I kick ass, You know I kick ass. I’m simple, crunchy, and so full of fiber you can build a sod house out of tomorrows duke.” Also, they are expensive; but I think this is only to remind you that they are classy. “You want the good shit? Then you’re gonna have to pay good money for it,” they say. Except this one time I scored the huge box of Grape Nuts for like 2 bucks at Ralphs-woops, I mean Russ’. Shit, been in CA too long. Its all the same, Red Circular Logo, value card. Hmm, kinda like… Post (minus the value card). Ok I figured it out. Post/Ralph’s/Russ’s = The Illuminati / TheFreemasons / OpusDei / Scientology / Skull&Bones / GirlScouts. Conspiracy Theory solved. And it only took 100 posts. You know Russ’s is evil, just look at all of those ss’s. They speak Parseltongue there ya know.
That 2 dollar box of grape nuts lasted me through 3 gallons of milk and for the spring of 2006, I was a force to be reckoned with. Thanks to Grape-nuts. Why the hyphen? “Thats right, I’ve got a hyphen, jealous? what the fuck are you going to do about it?!”
Maybe Grape-Nuts is actually a last name? Like when families of distinction marry and want to carry on both names, cause like I said… classy. Unlike the Corn Crackos (sounds like Grand Island). They’ve got an addiction. The box even says, “Free Sample”. Because the first time is always free, kiddies.
Congrats to Jay-Z. Way to barely step up to the marriage thing. Barely claiming to be in a relationship? Yeah, I’ve been there. I can understand if you want to keep it private because it isn’t anyones business but your own. I dig. But dude, you’re 11 years older than your girlfriend. She makes as much, if not more than you. She has dumps like a truck and is the least trashy hooch you will ever find. Suck it up buddy, you’re almost 40 and she’s almost talented. You can tell us if you’re together. It’s ok, we already know.
So yeah this is kind of a bullshit post (the 99th bullshit post yall!). I’m just gonna start venting cause I’ve been looking really hard at my situation lately and things seem really great but at the same time I’m feeling completely strangled. This kind of thing is really dangerous to say considering anyone could read this (like co-workers and bosses) but oh well. I’m not dropping names.
I know we’ve been slacking on the posts. Mostly my fault. I blame general busy-ness and malaise after a criminally way too long day at work. After I get done I just don’t want to do anything. Seriously, am i a fucking immigrant here? I work 9am-8pm regularly. Past that even. Sure sometimes i wander in closer to 9:30 am but so what. I deserve that extra snooze mashing. I figured it out and that 55 hours a week (+/- 5 or so) is only paying me $9.30 an hour after taxes! I have a college degree goddamnit! I have great fucking ideas! I can write clever copylines like a motherfucker! My concepts are fucking tight!
And because I live in Hollywood half of my income goes to Rent. I know, that’s my fault. Its like buying cable when you aren’t at home to use it. I don’t even get to see all the fun things going on around here because I am working too hard to afford it. I figured it out and I’m losing. The whole winning vs. losing thing I mean. And I figured out that I’m really losing my self-esteem. I’m learning a lot doing this work but its just so fucking thankless. Its like the whole time I’m there it’s over my head that I SHOULD BE DOING MORE; or that THERE ARE HUNDREDS OF PEOPLE OUT THERE WHO COULD DO YOUR JOB AND YOU ARE LUCKY TO HAVE IT. But sometimes like today when I’m cutting elf bodies apart to make DVD sleeves for Fred Claus and frankenstein-ing a cover together I have to stop for a second and just stare at a few pixels on the screen and think that the arm of the little person in Fred Claus is probably doing better than I am.
The other thing I worked on this week was a Gay ad. No really, it was an ad for a gay soap opera that might or might not go in a gay magazine. Actually it will go in like a half-dozen if they choose mine (1-in-3 chance). And a lot of my crap has been getting chosen at work lately. And when I brag about that kind of thing people ask me, “Do you get paid more if your work sells a lot?” Um, no… it doesn’t work that way. -or- “If they pick your thing do you get some kind of bonus?” Well no, sometimes its kind of a group effort or sometimes they don’t pick my stuff. But i’ve been keeping an unofficial total lately and i’m at about 60-80%. Which is a very good average for this kind of thing. So… I’m losing.
I was fucking around on April Fool’s when I said it was time for a change but sometimes I don’t know how much I was joking about that. If this is how everyone’s career works in Graphic Design, then maybe I don’t want to do Graphic Design. I have friends at other studios now who have better pay, more perks, slightly better hours and are in nicer parts of town (closer to where I live at least). But I know my situation could be A LOT worse. I know people who drive 2 hours a day to get to and from work. I can usually get to work in 10 minutes. Which is amazing. And it could be worse if I would have taken the first job I interviewed for at Liquid Generation where I wouldnt even be making what I do now. (and strangely my job would be doing what i kinda do with this blog).
Despite what I am grateful for, I REFUSE to spend the best years of my life in an office. Is that where inspiration comes from? Are all of my talents being utilized? Is my creativity being rewarded? No, unfortunately not.
I’ve almost been at my job a year. I’m not getting paid much more than when I started and I can honestly say that my hours have on a regular basis kept me from having/making/spending time with friends (what few friends I’ve had time to make here). I’ve missed too many gorgeous sunny southern California days to meet ridiculous deadlines so studios can turn enough of a profit screwing us creatives in the ass to afford to pay over-stroked egos like Tom Cruise multi-million dollar salaries to make shitty uncreative films.
So yeah, I’m stuck. Last night there was an Earthquake in my dream. Maybe that means that the Axe is going to fall and everything I enjoy about life is going to break down. Well maybe in the long run it will be for the better. Or maybe money will start pouring from the San Andreas Fault by way of a life-changing opportunity. This is still the land of dreams right?
BTW, stop having kids, stop sending them to Los Angeles. We’re full, go somewhere else. You’ve got nothing to contribute. We have enough actors, thank you.
Now if you’ll excuse me there is a bum fight going on somewhere behind my apartment. I have to go to the balcony and watch. Might as well get my money’s worth in this neighborhood.
I’m not quitting my job, I’d almost never move back to Nebraska unless I had a ton of money that I could escape anytime I please, and it would be nearly impossible at this juncture to do freelance on a fulltime basis.
And I probably wouldn’t kill a Wal-Mart patron… the Walton family on the other hand…
Ok i’ve finally had enough of this full time thing. Working 9 to 7 just isn’t worth it anymore; so at exactly 3:33pm today I am going to march into my bosses office and demand a 15% raise (which still makes me too poor to buy a new car) or I’m ‘onna skate, ya heard? Soo, fulltime freelance designer I shall be probably from heretoforafter! I think I might also pick up some extra work as an Extra. I think waiting around on a set for 3 hours will be better than staring at a screen for 10. And it will give me time to get out there and actually meet people! I’ve been in L.A. for a year and a month and 17 days now and have a pretty short list of people to call and say, “whats up!?” to on a Friday night. And I’ve actually begun work on my design portfolio site (believe it or not!) and will be soliciting art directing/consulting jobs in the Home Entertainment/Independent Film/Small-Medium Sized Music Label/Alt-Retail Clothing Design Fields. Surely someone needs a crazy like me to think up nutty ideas for them. Also I’ll get to use my Marketing/Promotions skillz that I developed in the music scenes around Lincoln and Grand Island and on campus with [adult swim]. I’m also thinking i’ll find out which studios keep an in-house art departments. It would suck (for me) to work for a network like Animal Planet but the guys that design for [adult swim] in atlanta have a pretty cool fucking job. Not everything I do right now is rad like The Wire or Blade Runner (that i’m working on right now). Some of the movies (like Otis) suck the devils nutsack. But I suppose I’ll be eating a hefty helping of bullshit now that I’m on the lam. (Lamb? L.A.M.B.?)
And if I finally fall on my ass I can always move back to NE and unplug my brain for a while. Maybe even use the Art portion of my Art Degree. I haven’t painted in forever! Sometimes (way too often) I just feel like doing NOTHING and just waiting for my brain to catch up. Maybe I’ll finally seek a bit of psychiatric assistance for the half-dozen little things that seem to keep me from being able to connect to other human beings. I don’t think I have social anxiety disorder or anything, just kind of a disdain for the average Wal-Mart customer. It’s bordering on bloodlust. I may just need a sacrifice. If I take out just one little sheep then I will probably feel a little better. I’ll just look for someone obese by choice, reading Left Behind, Watching Bill O’Reilly, Littering and buying Larry the Cable Guy DVDs with foodstamps. (Achoo!) So Nebraska is probably the best place for that. 400 miles of plenty of places to lose a body and I can’t imagine the police handle that kind of thing all of the time.
…is Acid. It’s the fucking truth. If you’ve been there then you know and if you don’t then its just too bad you didn’t get to rub your brain up against God’s beard like we did. I’m sure you weren’t doing anything better with your early 20’s when it would have been the best time for you to do it, too. But it’s never too late, you should go get some now. Its a lovely day after all. And it’s like my good friend A*** said, “It’s funny that they are all over at the church learning about God, when we’re over here experiencing it.”
Here is an amazing comic about LSD in the style of Jack T. Chick Publications which have scientifically* been proven as the most reasonable and effective manner to indoctrinate someone on the dangers of indulging in anything ever. What better way to teach people that they are hellbound than with a poorly drawn comic you pick up randomly off the sidewalk or haphazardly placed upon bags of dog food in grocery stores. I used to work graveyard shift at a grocery store and would find these all the time. I tried to collect them all. My favorite is still about shriners and freemasons worshipping the devil and fezzes being red because they were dipped in the flowing blood of christians.
I’ve never heard a real argument against LSD. Theres the bullshit about people jumping off of balconies because they thought they could fly. Well maybe they subconciously wanted to commit suicide anyway? Besides, nobody can prove that ever happened. There are quite a few cases that prove Alcohol to be a factor in people falling off buldings and balconies at colleges all around the country. The other thing people say is that “you’ll go crazy”, yeah maybe if you eat a whole sheet of it. As if you couldn’t die from drinking a whole bottle of Everclear.
Having a good experience is all about set and setting. If you do the proper dose and take it with knowlegable people that you love and trust with your life in a safe and comfortable environment then you’ll have one of the best, most memorable experiences of your life. You will see the true beauty of your life and the world around you, you will hear music with your entire body, you will see how meaningless the bullshit you surround yourself with really is (your job, your debts, your pointless fears). And it will be a hell of a lot more REAL than a trip to Disneyland.** Want more info? Consult the end all, be all of drug experimentation safety sites that is Erowid.org.
Have a good conversation with your cat everybody!
*science has been scientifically been proven the fastest way to hell according to Jack T. Chick.
** please don’t mix LSD with Disneyland or any other public expositions.
Perhaps the only shameful thing about this encounter is that when explaining it to people who I met I have to actually act it out. But I think my Eagle Eye was out considering I wasn’t even thinking when I asked the guy if he was in fact the lad from this commercial. But then again, who else could it be?
I don’t feel the need to perpetuate the distraction surrounding this video but it is a student film that uses all of the boring SFW plot from a 70’s “golden age” porno FILM intercut with scenes of destruction and the atrocities caused by our government in the Middle East since the 50s. The kid probably got in trouble for using the harmless innuendo laden film that just happened to be from a porno. Yes, I believe that 9/11 was an inside job and that our “leaders” are due to be held responsible for their crimes against humanity. I want to see it broadcast and public display when that happens. (Mussolini style). I restate this weekly and if you don’t like it then you can fuck right off.
Its been a Long Weekend. It’s fairly safe to say that I packed the most between 7:30 Friday when I got off work through 5am Monday morning when I went to sleep that I possibly could. I absolutely destroyed myself and feel great. Well, I felt pretty good this morning at least. Then work kicked my ass again. :sigh:
I managed to drink probably a gallon of whiskey. I’m not bragging, I’m just telling you thats whats up. I didn’t try to do so, I just went out every night. I was a little sluggish Sunday morning but no hangovers! Friday I hit the strip, I hadn’t in a while and was by no means disappointed. Rainbow, Barney’s Beanery and some sushi bar near the Viper Room (irony?) that had snake venom shots. It was this “vodka” that tasted like sake (it might’ve just been sake) and it had a whole dead snake in it. The sushi bartender had to pour it through a filter as to avoid filling the drink with scales. And the night ended well enough for me to not make it home until the following afternoon. Saturday I went to breakfast and actually got some excercise in the afternoon and topped it off with lots more drinking at On the Rox, Free drinks at another Sushi Restaurant and finally the Snake Pit. Sunday’s slow start allowed me to not get much cleaning done in my apartment and then surprise², I went out and drank. I hit up Cinespace and checked out a band that I’d seen a couple times before and have to say their show has improved quite a bit. 3 free Kentucky Breakfasts in the VIP area later and the night ended in conversations about Tony Danza and the Joe Dirt script in Greco’s Pizza. On top of that I watched Blade Runner, The Decline of Western Civilization and finished the Program design for Hastings High’s production of “Honk!” So yeah. Now I’m tired. And I’ve spared you the rigorous and juicy details. Somehow, I want to once again be paid for doing what I’ve done this weekend.
So on the job front I have to announce that an Ad that I designed will be making its way into Playboy, Rue Morgue and Fangoria next month (or the month after, I’m not sure). I said this before when I had a Sex In The City ad (not in the horror mags) that got shot down 5 minutes before I was going to upload the Mechanical. I announced it and then It didn’t happen. I counted my chickens before they hatched and the eggs were full of snakes. But this time. I don’t care. The Ad they chose was once again mine (with elements borrowed from one of the Key Art Comps) but it has the STUPIDEST quote as the headline so I’m not taking full credit. I still wrote a bit of copy in it and I’ve toiled too many hours on it so I guess now I’m kinda proud of it. Even if it looks fucking cheesy. Oh well, the movie that It’s for is cheesy, too.
To wrap this up I wanted to share with you a bit of a moral dilemma that presented itself to me at the end Zombie Jesus Day as I was arriving at Cinespace. I was crossing Hollywood Blvd at Ivar and I noticed these 3 loud cunts dropping N-bombs while 2 of the 3 were white. A second later I notice them starting to assault the man who was walking behind them. He was in his 70s. They roughed him up a bit, he pushed one in the face somewhat and they knocked off his hat and probably stole it. It was sad. I turned around to help him and looked at the hipsters in front of the club and none of them seemed to share my need to help the poor bastard. I also realized that these 3 hoodrats could probably stomp me (but not if I had another dude helping) and I was also fearful that these cunts would call the cops and say that WE assaulted them. So like an asshole I stayed out of it. As I walked into the club the door guy(6′5″ 225 lbs.) said, “Only in Hollywood, right?”. “I guess” I said, wondering why he didnt abandon his post to help (there was someone else there that could have watched the door).
So I pose this question to you. What would you do in the same situation?
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