This is a response commented on DeadLantern.com in regards to the parts of “David’s Situation” that we’d missed:
I agree the first scene was a little slow, but you should have stuck around to give an accurate review. Although, in your defense, I’m not sure I would have stayed in an adjascent room either. We got in, but arrived at 5pm to make sure we made it in for the 7pm start. It was absolutely packed and for those of us that got in we were not disappointed.
Some of what you missed: John Ennis and Zach Galifianakis in a fucking hilarious parody of “To Catch a Predator” (BJ did a great job as Chris Hanson). A second stand up set by David even better than the first. A “round table” discussion with the cast and Andy Dick who appeared in a mock video relating to the story of the episode. The mock video may have been the highlight of a great night.
Janeane Garafalo was not in the show, but was on the set with a long list of great comedy minds (Patton Oswalt, Jerry Minor, Michael Blieden, Brian Posehn were among those I saw).
Based on the reaction of the audience I can’t imagine this show will not see more episodes. Bob and David delivered as I had hoped. It was great to see them together again. Don’t judge the show by the first scene. It is not at all indicative of the show. Lump of coal? Hardly. A diamond that could use a little polishing, but a diamond none the less. If you’re a fan of Bob and David you will be a fan of David’s Situation. Anyone else see it?
So my review was premature and perhaps they saved themselves in the rest of the show. HBO doesn’t put out shitty products so I guess they know what they were doing. Sad we missed the rest, sounds a lot better than the first scene. And fuck those fucking fuckers in production that made no mention of over-booking the show, completely ABANDONED the 40 people who got left out and worst of all MADE US WAIT IN A FUCKING LINE FOR AN HOUR before all that shit happened. They should have told us we weren’t getting in within 10 minutes of our being there! For that, fuck those assholes. I’m going to pirate the shit out of this show if it makes it on the air. We probably would have stuck around had they not cut the cameras in between scenes. If we could have watched the details while they were resetting then we might have stayed a little longer. Still, fuck them for not telling us about it being overbooked. When i’d replied to the confirmation email with an angry comment the AUTO-REPLY mentioned that it would be over booked and to arrive early as opposed to the 6pm time listed. Who the fuck would that help if they had to reply to the confirmation message? Only people who had to cancel would have responded to that message. Stupid.
They overbooked the audience for the pilot taping of Bob & David’s new show “David’s Situation” so lucky you, AvantTrash is the first site to review it.
It’s not very funny, sorry. The first scene that is. Sure, pilots are messy, rough, and usually need a LOT of tweaking. In this case I think they’d need to revamp the show altogether. But this snap judgment is only in regards to the FIRST SCENE which we watched 3 TIMES via Closed Circuit TV from JUST OUTSIDE OF THE STUDIO because they overbooked the audience by about 40 people. So after waiting in line for like an hour at CBS they guide us to this craft services room with a 20-inch TV of the show being taped next door. Fucking Lame.
The show’s main angle seemed to be a 4th wall breaking mockery of sitcoms, delivered a bit half-assed with sitcom cliches that have already been parodied a hundred times. Any post-modernism intended seemed to swallowed up by it’s lack of originality. Harsh, I know but it seems to be well worn territory (remember Garry Shandling’s Sitcom?). So could this indictment be because we were bitter about not getting into the actual taping? Not really. I am a HUGE fan of Mr.Show who has sung its praises and done my part to indoctrinate everyone I know about it for more than a decade, and the only thing I could think about while leaving the studio was “my how they have fallen”.
To spoil it for you the plot of the mock sitcom is that David is done with the Hollywood life and moves to “middle America” to write for an in-flight magazine and becomes roommates with stereotypical hippie Matt Besser and a flag waving old guy played by nobody. (Bob Odenkirk is featured in a very short sidebit)
Hippie Matt: “Did you know that every time you hug someone it releases positive ions into the atmosphere?” David: “Did you know that every time you hug a hippie you kill a practical thought?”
It had a few laughs but overall wasn’t what any of the 20 or so of us watching would call funny. The highpoint of what we saw was an intro delivered as David would in his standup where he blasts Jeremy Piven and the Hollywood Scene. “And I knew that it was too much when I saw that Jeremy Piven’s dog was wearing the same Von Dutch hat as me.” We didn’t stay for any of the other scenes (they killed the feed in between scenes and we’d already waited enough today) but outside of the studio on our way out we saw B.J. Porter, Mo Collins (featured in the first scene) and Jerry Minor. Before the show when we were parking the car we saw Janeane Garofalo walking to the studio, but can’t be sure she’s in the show or not (probably not).
Btw, David, are you done with standup? I think you are due for more. The inevitable failure of this pilot just might give him the opportunity to do so.
The scene did get a little better the more they worked through it so there is a slight possibility that with A LOT more work it could be passable but I don’t think we will be seeing a Bob & David lump of coal turned into a comedy diamond anytime soon.
AliUptown is in town from Chicago this weekend! I’m trying to give her the optimum L.A. experience. She’s having nappy time already, i tuckered her out. Last night we went to Beauty Bar (you’re so great, why are you dying?), Boardner’s (the bar side, not goth night) and finally Tiny’s (where 10 cops walked in and arrested 2 HUGE bikers from the “Mongols” MC. After they passed by I turned to AliUptown and said, “So 10 cops walk into a bar…” and the girl next to me was cool enough to say, “…right!?” and dish the High-5. It was a moment.
So far today we walked by Hollywood & Highland to see the costume freaks and Grauman’s to get our coffee (i live 2 blocks away), we went up Beachwood Cyn by the Hollywood sign, cruised half of Melrose (i finally got a haircut), and had lunch at the Village Idiot. Now its rest time because we are going to CBS in Studio City to check out the taping of the PILOT episode of “David’s Situation” by Mr.Show geniuses Bob Odenkirk and David Cross. Not sure what the plan is for later tonight; maybe Los Feliz, maybe the Strip. I think we’ll hit the beach tomorrow and Silverlake tomorrow night.
My West Coast conversion countdown has begun. In two days, AliUptown and intr0vert will reunite when I visit my L.A. counterpart for his birthday (which is Mother’s Day, go buy a card). If you’re in the L.A. area, give us a call. If you are in the Chicagoland area…too bad. I can’t wait. Can you?
Every Wednesday, Boardner’s in Hollywood becomes Club Moscow to host a few bands and then a night of 18 and over clubbing. This last Wednesday the typical Hollywood “distressed to impress” set and their “no-longer-jailbait-but-not-yet-legal” girlfriends came out to see SacramentOakland’s 2-piece dance-synth-poppers WALLPAPER. The 2 opening bands of the night drew meager crowds and seemed genuinely bored as opposed to just projecting an image of disinterest. Very little energy was expelled and hence very little applause was given, a typical L.A. Show. And then as Wallpaper took the stage it was as if the crowd had been waiting for them all week. Fresh off a successful showing at the Filter Party at Coachella, Wallpaper brought their infectious retro-electro party A-game and for an athletic 30-45 minute set and proceeded to rock the seemingly unrockable Hollywood crowd.
I’d heard Wallpaper’s songs via their myspace so I had an idea what to expect but seeing them and hearing them became as different as night and day. The songs seemed shaved down to only the meaty goodness “we were told our songs have to stay under 90 seconds” and it made for a streamlined set full of energetic originals and some well selected covers. It was very refreshing to see a band unbridled by pretension and willing to drop some recognizable songs into their set. In fact, the night started off with a rendition of Bobby Caldwell’s “What You Won’t Do For Love” with Bell Biv Devoe’s “Poison” sprinkled further down the set. The musicianship rested squarely in the capable hands of drummer/iPod Maestro Arjun Singh with vocals/Vocoder Ninja/party startin’ compliments of the satin-to-sequined frontman Ricky Reed. There was also an appearance by T-Rex himself during their song of the same name. It was so in demand that night that they played it twice.
I think you will be impressed with the caliber of a good portion of Wallpaper’s music. Standout tracks such as “T-Rex”, “A Million Dollars” and “Everytime We Do It” have some of the best synth work that I’ve heard since Prince was hanging with The Time.
Rating: 7/10 for their live show and 6/10 for the songs. These boys show definite promise! Keep watching Avanttrash this week for a chance to take home some gear from Wallpaper!
Show of hands, how many people expect “Speed Racer” to suck? Come on, be honest, I read message boards, I’ve heard your podcast, you aren’t thrilled at all, are you? The print campaign with the cars on the track is messy and the trailer was lukewarm. It’s not nearly the campaign of say, Iron Man, which is already a sure thing summer blockbuster to be. But maybe all of this bad publicity could have let you down again; because there may be a lot of very satisfied uber-nerds on May 9th when the Wachowski brothers’ “Speed Racer” live-action living comic book candy fireball sensory orgy hits theatres. I expected to be underwhelmed by this movie, writing it off as effects laden fluff but I might have found a bit more in it than the rest of the public.
The story is sparse and plays 2nd fiddle to the technically awe-inspiring visual effects, but I should hope you didn’t expect a repeat of the depth of the Matrix from this Manga-to-Anime-to-Live Action film. I appreciated that the storytelling was delivered at times in a liquid form with visuals co-mingling with the narrators as the timelines wrapped and coiled into themselves. The film centers around the Racer family: Pops, played by John Goodman - a racecar builder devoted to his family; His wife, referred to only as Mom, played with beautiful sentiment by Susan Sarandon; Rex, the eldest brother who dies in a shady racing accident; Emile Hirsch’s Speed, the prodigal son; Christina Ricci as Trixie, Speed’s love interest and best friend; and of course the comic relief, Speed’s Kid Brother Spritle and his monkey Chim-Chim. During the story Speed shuns the corporate sponsors who have corrupted racing to stay in business with his family and has to race to save their reputation and the very sport of racing.
Casting was spot on as the actors held this movie together wonderfully through the effects. The females that I saw this movie with admitted to misting up during a scene between Sarandon and Hirsch. Christina Ricci seemed to get hotter in the grimier moments of the film and although the dialogue like everything else becomes saccharine to the point of aspartame, the perfomances are true and warm. Adding emotion to a primarily green screen movie can’t be an easy task but each of the characters indeed has their opportunity to shine. And Oh how this movie shines. Us designers had conferred that the movie was more of an animated film than live action. Stylistically the exact polar opposite of Who Framed Roger Rabbit?
I mentioned that this movie is eye candy right? Can I maybe repeat that a thousand more times? Maybe thats not decadent or bright enough to describe its seizure-inducing effects and Japanese inspired hyper surrealism. Think of having neon injected straight into your brain through your eyeballs. Maybe if you just lined your skill with an OLED TV above your Pineal gland. You know that feeling the morning after you’ve been tripping balls and know you are still kinda tripping because stuff is still kinda melty and the walls are still breathing a little bit? I kinda got a little of that going right now after seeing “Speed Racer” this afternoon. This is the exact movie that IMAX was made for. Not so coincidentally, it will be released in said format as well. I recommend that venue but only if you want your brain to turn to a happy pile of overstimulated nerd mush.
My proper introduction to Speed Racer happened sometime around 1996 when a pre-Adult Swim Cartoon Network had a sort of marathon one stormy Saturday night. I’d only seen a couple scattered episodes but when I sat down in front of the TV that night I expected to see 1 episode but what happened was them showing literally hours and hours of the show, in sequence and seemingly without commercial interruption. I was pretty immersed in the story. And what I saw today was a pretty faithful translation of that. Sure the characters are simple, sure the production designers have blown everything out of proportions; but you will learn within the first 10 minutes of this movie is that the filmmakers consciously decided that if they were going to make an over-the-top living cartoon, then the only way to do it is to go WAAAAAAAY over the top. There are some disgustingly kiddie moments in this film. I have an aversion to the use of chimps in films anyway but to summarize (like i never do), there was monkey poo. And unfortunately it was in the middle of a pretty good 60’s Batman style “Bank! Crash! Ka-Pow!” fight scene.
Assuredly there will be doomsayers next week saying the movie is “unfocused”, “simple” and “confused about it’s demographic” but it’s just because most film reviewers think they should squash a movie that doesn’t appeal to them, well, news flash, IT’S PROBABLY JUST NOT FOR THEM! This isn’t a movie that you have to bring any more of your brain to than the part that WANTS TO HAVE FUN …And maybe the part that controls bladder function, cause this movie is 2 hours long and there aren’t many places you can safely wizz without missing something.
Some people have said that they are put off by the video game-like graphics of the trailers, well then maybe you won’t like the movie. But there is a much better chance that you will get totally sucked in by the ultra-saturated seizure inducting shininess of this movie that simply never lets up. Half of this film is on par in action with the Pod Race scene in Episode 1 with the inevitable final race that will surely rival its excitement. Remember how you gasped the first time you saw the 18 Wheeler-collision scene in the Matrix Reloaded? There are a couple of those moments in this movie for sure. And isn’t that what an overblown summer blockbuster is all about?
On the DeadLantern.com 10 point rating scale I give “Speed Racer” a 7.5 overall with a 9.75 for the effects.
I haven’t been posting all that much lately because I’ve been really busy at work. Lame I know. We worked through last weekend and I nearly went crazy on Monday but we finished the 2nd round of Comps (Different proposed versions of the artwork used for COMParison) for the complete boxed set of HBO’s Amazing Series The Wire.
At the beginning of this week it felt as if I was going stir-crazy from work; time had slowed to a crawl and each moment was complete agony. I just wanted a big womb to crawl into and sleep for a week. But I trudged through and we finished it and sent it off to New York last night so we’ll hear back next week sometime on who’s comp they are going with. But mine fucking rules. We also sent in comps for a movie produced by Tyrannasaurus Banks called The Clique. Its about vapid, conniving, spoiled rich tweenage lobotomies on the east coast who get anything they want. Its almost exactly like Heathers and Mean Girls… but its 15-17 year old melodrama for 13 year olds. Kinda weird how we can go from designing for THE ABSOLUTE BEST POLICE DRAMA EVER to total fluff.
Speaking of fluff, we have been doing a lot of work for a gay network. At first we were only designing their ads but another company we do work for bought a bunch of their movies to distribute (its a gaynopoly I tell ya) now we are designing their key art (the original artwork for posters and dvd covers) for something like 10 films. All of the movies are like PG-13 gay. Whats the point? It might as well be straight if you aren’t swinging wieners around. All thats left of these movies are ridiculous plots, bad acting and obviously very tiny budgets. I think they should just start making porn. The movie I had to screen today “starred” Tracey Gold from Growing Pains and a hot straight girl who played a lesbian on The L Word (and she was in Jason Goes to Hell I think). The plot was ludicrous and involved a boy genius who predicts sunspots that will wipe out technology and break down life as we know it… and his hot lesbian strip club bouncer mom. And Tracey Gold kisses a girl at the end, a slight peck, no tongue, less than a second. It was so not gay that it was gay. The biggest plot hole was how a single parent who worked at a strip club could afford a brand new Ford Explorer and own her own home in Los Angeles. And a full sized train passing Hollywood and Highland and crashing into Union Station. Sunspots. The last one we worked on was actually worse. It was based on an Edgar Allan Poe story (none that I’d ever heard of though), it was about a house that was alive and claimed buff manservants in order to stay in one piece. And of course it only had man-kissing, sensuous rubbing nowhere erogenous and the dudes would undo their pants and leave their wangs in… but they’d pull down the back of their underwear! Are there really dudes out there getting hot to this stuff? Being queer must give you an amazing imagination! It must be like drinking a bottle of cough syrup or something. No wonder all of those trannies on Santa Monica Blvd look like they are having such a good time.
Congrats to Jay-Z. Way to barely step up to the marriage thing. Barely claiming to be in a relationship? Yeah, I’ve been there. I can understand if you want to keep it private because it isn’t anyones business but your own. I dig. But dude, you’re 11 years older than your girlfriend. She makes as much, if not more than you. She has dumps like a truck and is the least trashy hooch you will ever find. Suck it up buddy, you’re almost 40 and she’s almost talented. You can tell us if you’re together. It’s ok, we already know.
So yeah this is kind of a bullshit post (the 99th bullshit post yall!). I’m just gonna start venting cause I’ve been looking really hard at my situation lately and things seem really great but at the same time I’m feeling completely strangled. This kind of thing is really dangerous to say considering anyone could read this (like co-workers and bosses) but oh well. I’m not dropping names.
I know we’ve been slacking on the posts. Mostly my fault. I blame general busy-ness and malaise after a criminally way too long day at work. After I get done I just don’t want to do anything. Seriously, am i a fucking immigrant here? I work 9am-8pm regularly. Past that even. Sure sometimes i wander in closer to 9:30 am but so what. I deserve that extra snooze mashing. I figured it out and that 55 hours a week (+/- 5 or so) is only paying me $9.30 an hour after taxes! I have a college degree goddamnit! I have great fucking ideas! I can write clever copylines like a motherfucker! My concepts are fucking tight!
And because I live in Hollywood half of my income goes to Rent. I know, that’s my fault. Its like buying cable when you aren’t at home to use it. I don’t even get to see all the fun things going on around here because I am working too hard to afford it. I figured it out and I’m losing. The whole winning vs. losing thing I mean. And I figured out that I’m really losing my self-esteem. I’m learning a lot doing this work but its just so fucking thankless. Its like the whole time I’m there it’s over my head that I SHOULD BE DOING MORE; or that THERE ARE HUNDREDS OF PEOPLE OUT THERE WHO COULD DO YOUR JOB AND YOU ARE LUCKY TO HAVE IT. But sometimes like today when I’m cutting elf bodies apart to make DVD sleeves for Fred Claus and frankenstein-ing a cover together I have to stop for a second and just stare at a few pixels on the screen and think that the arm of the little person in Fred Claus is probably doing better than I am.
The other thing I worked on this week was a Gay ad. No really, it was an ad for a gay soap opera that might or might not go in a gay magazine. Actually it will go in like a half-dozen if they choose mine (1-in-3 chance). And a lot of my crap has been getting chosen at work lately. And when I brag about that kind of thing people ask me, “Do you get paid more if your work sells a lot?” Um, no… it doesn’t work that way. -or- “If they pick your thing do you get some kind of bonus?” Well no, sometimes its kind of a group effort or sometimes they don’t pick my stuff. But i’ve been keeping an unofficial total lately and i’m at about 60-80%. Which is a very good average for this kind of thing. So… I’m losing.
I was fucking around on April Fool’s when I said it was time for a change but sometimes I don’t know how much I was joking about that. If this is how everyone’s career works in Graphic Design, then maybe I don’t want to do Graphic Design. I have friends at other studios now who have better pay, more perks, slightly better hours and are in nicer parts of town (closer to where I live at least). But I know my situation could be A LOT worse. I know people who drive 2 hours a day to get to and from work. I can usually get to work in 10 minutes. Which is amazing. And it could be worse if I would have taken the first job I interviewed for at Liquid Generation where I wouldnt even be making what I do now. (and strangely my job would be doing what i kinda do with this blog).
Despite what I am grateful for, I REFUSE to spend the best years of my life in an office. Is that where inspiration comes from? Are all of my talents being utilized? Is my creativity being rewarded? No, unfortunately not.
I’ve almost been at my job a year. I’m not getting paid much more than when I started and I can honestly say that my hours have on a regular basis kept me from having/making/spending time with friends (what few friends I’ve had time to make here). I’ve missed too many gorgeous sunny southern California days to meet ridiculous deadlines so studios can turn enough of a profit screwing us creatives in the ass to afford to pay over-stroked egos like Tom Cruise multi-million dollar salaries to make shitty uncreative films.
So yeah, I’m stuck. Last night there was an Earthquake in my dream. Maybe that means that the Axe is going to fall and everything I enjoy about life is going to break down. Well maybe in the long run it will be for the better. Or maybe money will start pouring from the San Andreas Fault by way of a life-changing opportunity. This is still the land of dreams right?
BTW, stop having kids, stop sending them to Los Angeles. We’re full, go somewhere else. You’ve got nothing to contribute. We have enough actors, thank you.
Now if you’ll excuse me there is a bum fight going on somewhere behind my apartment. I have to go to the balcony and watch. Might as well get my money’s worth in this neighborhood.
Be sure to cut this one’s head off. Because if 2-gun Chuck ever comes back from the grave he’ll be armed; and that would make a very dangerous zombie.
I’ve seen websites eulogizing the 84-year-old actor as a beacon of “liberty” but I think thats pretty fucked up. I’m all for us as a society having guns, but there are fucking limits. Most Republicans SHOULDN’T have the right to own guns, they aren’t going to use them if their government needs to be taken down anyway. And isn’t that the reason its in the Bill of Rights anyway? These NRA psychos are the assholes who put the current government into power. Thanks a lot Charlton Heston. douche. I’m going to start the Guns for Liberals™ program. Our motto, “The Left To Bear Arms”. Fuck I’m Clever.
So he was a good actor up until 30 years ago, its sad that we can’t remember that because him being a soulless looney gun homo has overshadowed any achievement in film… except in Bowling For Columbine. Oh sweet nectar, if you haven’t seen this movie then go out now and rent it, download it, borrow it from a liberal friend because it is amazing portrait of our gun crazed society and American hypocrisies in general. At the end Charlton Heston is confronted by Michael Moore with a photo of a kid that died in direct result of the gun-douchery that Heston promotes. There is no answer for what you say in that situation so old Moses-balls gets up and walks away. Good thing he was too stupid to know who Michael Moore was. He was probably just happy that someone was talking to him.
It’s been a while since I freed the beast and I’ve been asked whats up a few times lately so here is a drop on some new shizzle thats been buzzing in my ear&brain lately.
Word from SXSW this year is that ex-Test Icicle contributor’s Devonte Hynes project Lightspeed Champion is set to explode. This kid is talented and right in line with all of that sloppy britindie (i’m sure this word has been used before but i havent heard it so i’m claiming it in the name of the queen.) coming out lately. He is also uber-linked to Omaha-Saddle Creek which instantly wins points in my book. (Unless you are only on the label because your brother is talented.)
By boy Brady introduced me to his friends in The Devil’s Orchestra sometime in the middle of last year. I caught a couple shows and some rehearsals and recently I saw them at Cinespace here in the ‘hood and the audience response was kinda nuts. Beyond blaming Cocaine which is a distinct possibility I think these kids are something for the metal motherfuckers to check out. It’s a little bit Rush, a little bit of the Sword/Dragonforce thing and some of that Dog Fashion Disco random circus/jazz breakdown thing. All 3 band members are pretty killer players. Warning: Instrumental.
I tried to buy She & Him tickets this week but April 29th @ the Vista in Los Feliz show was already sold out. Thankfully they booked a 2nd date. She & Him consists of 1 parts Zooey Deschanel on Vocals and some piano and 1 part My Morning Jacket slinger M.Ward on guitars and arrangements. Zooey’s voice is adorable and holds up pretty well but at times pushes a little too heavily on the Billie Holliday sound. I won’t hold it against her because the songs are pretty good in comparison to Rilo Kiley’s most recent effort. The album is a bit schizophrenic much as Coconaut Records was but M.Ward totally gives this record the cred and sophistication it needed. I caught M.Ward last year opening for Bright Eyes at the Hollywood Bowl and was floored. His show the blew old farts Yo La Tengo back to the grunge revivalist carpool they belong in. Besides, Is there anything hotter than a blue-eyed brunette?
Ok maybe one thing hotter, Kate Micucci. She is a one woman Renaissance festival. Very creative, maybe…too creative. As in, so creative it would make the world jealous to listen to all that she can do (Art, Music, Acting, Being Nice). I saw and met her in a Barbeque Joint in Chinatown during a no-audience stand up show. Besides the performers there were 2 people there, who eventually left when they finished their meal. So i guess for a little while the employees and I were the whole audience. But SHE WAS AMAZING! She played ukulele and with her diminutive yet powerful voice she sang these adorable, and funny, yet deep and endearing songs. Wait, I mentioned she played Ukulele right? Write this name down.
Priscilla Ahn: clean, pure like irish spring. I caught her show last year at a benefit for a private school for overly believed in children and she was great. She layered her sound with the aid of a Boss loop station (a la KT Tunstall) and was so lovely. She has since been signed, made an album, and will be destroying America’s hearts with the Hotel Cafe tour. I will drop another Hotel Cafe name and tell you about Jim Bianco. This guy is like Tom Waits for the DMB/Jack Johnson set. but dont mishear me, he is really like neither of them, he is the kind of music that you need to hand a copy of to fans of mom-rock to steer them over to more dangerous sounds. I saw him at the Hotel Cafe with Butch Walker, Cary Brothers and Pink guest and he blew everyone away, for real. His music will molest your ears. Butch is still beyond amazing and has a new project called 1969.
So now you have a ton of shit to download and get your spring started right. And I have to go to bed because I’ve been getting to work 15 minutes late everyday for the last 3 months and everyday try to not do so. *sigh* Futility.
Ok i’ve finally had enough of this full time thing. Working 9 to 7 just isn’t worth it anymore; so at exactly 3:33pm today I am going to march into my bosses office and demand a 15% raise (which still makes me too poor to buy a new car) or I’m ‘onna skate, ya heard? Soo, fulltime freelance designer I shall be probably from heretoforafter! I think I might also pick up some extra work as an Extra. I think waiting around on a set for 3 hours will be better than staring at a screen for 10. And it will give me time to get out there and actually meet people! I’ve been in L.A. for a year and a month and 17 days now and have a pretty short list of people to call and say, “whats up!?” to on a Friday night. And I’ve actually begun work on my design portfolio site (believe it or not!) and will be soliciting art directing/consulting jobs in the Home Entertainment/Independent Film/Small-Medium Sized Music Label/Alt-Retail Clothing Design Fields. Surely someone needs a crazy like me to think up nutty ideas for them. Also I’ll get to use my Marketing/Promotions skillz that I developed in the music scenes around Lincoln and Grand Island and on campus with [adult swim]. I’m also thinking i’ll find out which studios keep an in-house art departments. It would suck (for me) to work for a network like Animal Planet but the guys that design for [adult swim] in atlanta have a pretty cool fucking job. Not everything I do right now is rad like The Wire or Blade Runner (that i’m working on right now). Some of the movies (like Otis) suck the devils nutsack. But I suppose I’ll be eating a hefty helping of bullshit now that I’m on the lam. (Lamb? L.A.M.B.?)
And if I finally fall on my ass I can always move back to NE and unplug my brain for a while. Maybe even use the Art portion of my Art Degree. I haven’t painted in forever! Sometimes (way too often) I just feel like doing NOTHING and just waiting for my brain to catch up. Maybe I’ll finally seek a bit of psychiatric assistance for the half-dozen little things that seem to keep me from being able to connect to other human beings. I don’t think I have social anxiety disorder or anything, just kind of a disdain for the average Wal-Mart customer. It’s bordering on bloodlust. I may just need a sacrifice. If I take out just one little sheep then I will probably feel a little better. I’ll just look for someone obese by choice, reading Left Behind, Watching Bill O’Reilly, Littering and buying Larry the Cable Guy DVDs with foodstamps. (Achoo!) So Nebraska is probably the best place for that. 400 miles of plenty of places to lose a body and I can’t imagine the police handle that kind of thing all of the time.
Perhaps the only shameful thing about this encounter is that when explaining it to people who I met I have to actually act it out. But I think my Eagle Eye was out considering I wasn’t even thinking when I asked the guy if he was in fact the lad from this commercial. But then again, who else could it be?
I found out about these guys through the Gibson website. They are called Tokio Hotel, they are 13-years-of age and damned if at first glance of this promo pic I didnt think their lead singer was a chick. And admittedly a hot one. (It took 10 seconds to figure that out.) I realize this makes me sound a bit like a gay pedophile but I swear I saw 10 girls at the Roxy this weekend who must go to the same stylist. They probably went in to their overpriced shop and told their official gay that they wanted the 13-year-old german emo-boy look.
The music is cheeseball post-glam emo-numetal and not my cup of manic panic but its pretty amazing that they are only 13 years old. Take that, Silverchair 1996! If they are making this crap now then they will either burn out in puberty or take the world by storm in 2012.*
*Just in time for the Apocalypse. Maybe their grandfathers in Rammstein will play the closing ceremony.
Its been a Long Weekend. It’s fairly safe to say that I packed the most between 7:30 Friday when I got off work through 5am Monday morning when I went to sleep that I possibly could. I absolutely destroyed myself and feel great. Well, I felt pretty good this morning at least. Then work kicked my ass again. :sigh:
I managed to drink probably a gallon of whiskey. I’m not bragging, I’m just telling you thats whats up. I didn’t try to do so, I just went out every night. I was a little sluggish Sunday morning but no hangovers! Friday I hit the strip, I hadn’t in a while and was by no means disappointed. Rainbow, Barney’s Beanery and some sushi bar near the Viper Room (irony?) that had snake venom shots. It was this “vodka” that tasted like sake (it might’ve just been sake) and it had a whole dead snake in it. The sushi bartender had to pour it through a filter as to avoid filling the drink with scales. And the night ended well enough for me to not make it home until the following afternoon. Saturday I went to breakfast and actually got some excercise in the afternoon and topped it off with lots more drinking at On the Rox, Free drinks at another Sushi Restaurant and finally the Snake Pit. Sunday’s slow start allowed me to not get much cleaning done in my apartment and then surprise², I went out and drank. I hit up Cinespace and checked out a band that I’d seen a couple times before and have to say their show has improved quite a bit. 3 free Kentucky Breakfasts in the VIP area later and the night ended in conversations about Tony Danza and the Joe Dirt script in Greco’s Pizza. On top of that I watched Blade Runner, The Decline of Western Civilization and finished the Program design for Hastings High’s production of “Honk!” So yeah. Now I’m tired. And I’ve spared you the rigorous and juicy details. Somehow, I want to once again be paid for doing what I’ve done this weekend.
So on the job front I have to announce that an Ad that I designed will be making its way into Playboy, Rue Morgue and Fangoria next month (or the month after, I’m not sure). I said this before when I had a Sex In The City ad (not in the horror mags) that got shot down 5 minutes before I was going to upload the Mechanical. I announced it and then It didn’t happen. I counted my chickens before they hatched and the eggs were full of snakes. But this time. I don’t care. The Ad they chose was once again mine (with elements borrowed from one of the Key Art Comps) but it has the STUPIDEST quote as the headline so I’m not taking full credit. I still wrote a bit of copy in it and I’ve toiled too many hours on it so I guess now I’m kinda proud of it. Even if it looks fucking cheesy. Oh well, the movie that It’s for is cheesy, too.
To wrap this up I wanted to share with you a bit of a moral dilemma that presented itself to me at the end Zombie Jesus Day as I was arriving at Cinespace. I was crossing Hollywood Blvd at Ivar and I noticed these 3 loud cunts dropping N-bombs while 2 of the 3 were white. A second later I notice them starting to assault the man who was walking behind them. He was in his 70s. They roughed him up a bit, he pushed one in the face somewhat and they knocked off his hat and probably stole it. It was sad. I turned around to help him and looked at the hipsters in front of the club and none of them seemed to share my need to help the poor bastard. I also realized that these 3 hoodrats could probably stomp me (but not if I had another dude helping) and I was also fearful that these cunts would call the cops and say that WE assaulted them. So like an asshole I stayed out of it. As I walked into the club the door guy(6′5″ 225 lbs.) said, “Only in Hollywood, right?”. “I guess” I said, wondering why he didnt abandon his post to help (there was someone else there that could have watched the door).
So I pose this question to you. What would you do in the same situation?
Leave a comment.
I was just picking meeting a friend at a place so we could go to another bar and boom, more Celebustalking. It was 2 weeks ago that I met Will Sasso. Debora Wilson came into my office two days later. I met Bobby Lee last friday…
…and Nicole Sullivan tonight. I still think Michael McDonald is next.
The Janitor from Scrubs was there too …but I don’t watch that show. Must not have had it on in my frat.
And it just dawned on me that I met Joan Of Arc! I admire her commitment to community service. (If you don’t know what I’m talking about then I pity you and know that someday soon you will figure it out and thank me with every fibre of your being, note that I spelled it fibre and not fiber because if you use the queens English it becomes classier and euros are worth more than dollars so that makes it a more worthy gift.) Pinky Out.
Thats kind of weird right? Last night I met Bobby Lee at the Comedy Store. I knew he would probably be there though so thats kind of cheating (but not the reason for going there). A new friend (she still has that new friend smell) introduced me to him and he either said I was pretty or handsome, i can’t remember, i tee-hee’d. A few minutes later he grabbed my man-boob and asked if that was ok. Of course it’s ok. You’re semi-famous, you’re allowed.
Ok Michael McDonald, you’re next. (not the one from the Doobie Brothers.)
Today I was working on an Ad that might make it into Playboy. If you’ll remember, this happened a month ago when I had a Sex in the City DVD Ad that was chosen by their art directors, went through revisions, approved to release, went all the way to Mechanical (which means it was prepped to deliver to the printer) and just as I was going to upload it, HBO killed it. They don’t give us a reason when they do that stuff beyond our estimation that they don’t have it in their budget to do so. Wack. So I was bummed because of course I told everyone to watch for it and counted my chickens before they were hatched and also because I would have actually been proud of the Ad. I received all of these messages saying, “Congratulations!” and all for nothing. The Ad I was working on today is up against 5 other ones and I don’t think I have a real shot. The concept is pretty good but I actually hope it doesn’t make it because tagline they gave us is a lie. Their tagline is, “It’s Juno for the horror set”. Some asshole in marketing came up with it. Its not true because the movie we are making the ad for sucks, a lot. Piece of shit. Seriously. They had us read the script before they even started filming and i nearly pissed myself being incredulous. I thought, “There’s no way a script this bad will actually get made!” But sure enough, I screened the movie yesterday and it was verbatim. Christ. So many good horror scripts out there (Hello, Ali and I struck gold with Dormstalker?) and they have to make that piece of dung.
I’m not going to tell you what the movie is or which studio is putting it out (Straight to DVD of course) because I’d probably get in trouble. But needless to say it is NOT in any way, shape or form “Juno for the Horror set”. There are no pregnant teenagers in it, there are no A-List Actors in it, It is not an Academy Award-winning script written by a former stripper in Minnesota, it will never play in an arthouse theatre, it will never play in a multi-plex, the female star is not the next big thing (she was on Growing Pains) and it will not lead to the rise in sales of orange tic tacs. If this film were reviewed on a Horror site such as DeadLantern.com, it would recieve a 3 out of 10 for looking semi-professionally done for a horror movie on DV Cam with massive points deducted for not being bloody enough nor giving the audience nearly enough of an interesting plot to suspend their bloody disbelief. (And Deejay would deduct points for not showing tits)
Gah. If they pick my design and keep ANY of that Tagline then I am going to barf on my keyboard for knowing that the first large circulation consumer Ad of mine to be released would be for a movie that bad. And so you know, the tagline from the Sex in the City Ad beat out 4 designs was all mine. It was certainly better than “It’s Juno for the Horror Set”.
The other terrible thing that happened today is that I just now finished the screener for Fred Claus. Thats right. I’m working on the DVD design for Fred Claus. I hate working on Christmas films. ESPECIALLY IN MARCH! Can’t I enjoy my Lenten season without Jesus or Santa Claus?
(Hey Ali, I think they filmed some of Fred Claus by where you work. I’m totally sneaking your apartment into the design.)
First it was Will Sasso at a premiere on Monday, and i’ll give him that one, I was on his turf. But today I’m just finishing not enjoying my lunch at work when loud and very black gospel singing explodes from the conference room. Our boss had let a friend “a mover and shaker” named B.J. use our conference room to conduct a meeting of sorts. The first thing I said was, “Good Lawd there Whitney, whats goin’ on in the conference room?” And the people come out of the conference room and across the office I see a woman with Red-braided dreads down to the middle of her back and it’s Debra Wilson. I squint to be sure and she recognizes my recognition and we exchange waves. My boss was talking to her and didn’t even know who she was. Apparently she was pitching a show idea to B.J. or vice versa. I didn’t get to see her sleeves.
I heard about this spread earlier this week and stubled across the pictures via PopBytes.
Remember when we had to make due with unnatractive female comedians? Well score one point for dangerously out-of-control overpopulation. We get our funny where we get our sexy now. I figured I should use this opportunity to plug 30 Rock so they don’t cancel it. Right now it’s the only show on Network TV that I watch (online of course) because it’s funnier and smarter than anything else out there.
I don’t want to say anything bad about female comedians because a lot of these ladies are really talented and probably making all of the hopelessly deluded would-be startlets very jealous here in L.A. (good, go back to the fucking farms, its too crowded here as it is and you won’t go out with me) So I won’t join in on the backlash. Besides, its way past my bedtime. So I’ll leave you to these pictures and you can just replay old episodes of Strangers With Candy in your head while you stare at Amy Sedaris full as a tick. Or maybe you’re thinking about other things… sick bastard.
Priscilla Ahn
in your head while you stare at Amy Sedaris full as a tick. Or maybe you’re thinking about other things… sick bastard.
