Take 7 minutes out of your day and watch this adorable shit.
There’s no pride in the world like watching your 4-year old drop in like a big boy. That’s it-my kids are gonna have a guitar in one hand and a skateboard in the other. Straight outta the womb. Screw that. They can use my uterus as a half pipe.
Lately, I’ve been thinking about what kind of parent I might be. Kinda weird, but my brother Jason just had his 4th, and my brother T.C. is about to have his 1st, so yeah, it’s on my mind a little more than usual. But that’s all, I have no clock ticking in my head or my fallopian tubes or anything. For a long time, I didn’t think I wanted kids. Now I think I only do in that vain “I wanna see a little version of myself running around someday” type of way.
I myself was kinda force-fed a lot of extracurricular activities starting in grade school. It could be pretty awful at times, but I also think I’m kinda better off for it. So I don’t know what kind of parent I’d be. Mine did a pretty good job, but then again, they had like 8 chances to practice getting it right before they got around to me. I’m actually pretty lucky that I have my parents to use as an example, a lot of people I know have at least one parent who are an example of how NOT to parent.
So here’s what I want in life:
-I want people to have to complete and pass an IQ test before being allowed to breed. (That kid is BACK on the escalator!)
-I want to be the ‘cool mom’, the one that all the neighborhood kids like and treat more like a friend than a parent, the one that some of the other parents are maybe a little freaked out by.
I know I’ve been quite the useless author these days, but between working, moving/unpacking/building Ikea furniture and being sick, this is all I got. But it made me giggle, so here you go.
Only in this video is Hillary able to fuck Obama, here in the real world, its the other way around. Just the thought of 2 bitter rivals going at it is pretty hot though, right? All of that anger and tension from over a year of arguing, debating, lying and ass-kissing wiped clean in a few quick thrusts. (Thats how I roll) Maybe it would inspire other enemies to put down their guns and turn out the lights. Why be fighting when we could be fucking? I think we need to get Israel and Palestine together with an empty warehouse full of Ecstasy. It should all fall into place after that.
I’d heard about it before but it took a co-worker to show me this creepy shit. After playing around with it for the better part of 10 minutes it was concluded that with enough activity she should hurl. (thats right I used the term hurl, it’s a Wayne’s World reference, wanna deal with it?) I think she should have a prehensile tongue that comes out and eats your cursor froggie-style.
To me, this is an anti-marijuana ad just waiting to happen. “Don’t do drugs kids, or you’ll be reduced to THIS!”
Jesus visited me in the night and left chocolate eggs in Zero’s litter box. So here is my easter treat to you! A photo from 2005 from when AliUptown and I found a bunch of Zyklon-Bunnies behind an army reserve building. They had all died within 10 feet of each other and didn’t have a mark on them. We fear now that they were victims of CIA waterboarding. Hey Jesus, when will it end?
Warning! I think this video is pretty stupid and not all that funny. However, i chuckled a couple times and its FULL of Harry Potter references. So try to enjoy.
Texas is stupid. (Except for Austin) So there is no hope with those cowboys. But Ohio, i thought you wuz smart? The only people I’ve ever known to live in Ohio were smarts. So what are you doing to me?
We better cross our fingers on the brother pulling up a victory or its going to be 4 more years of presidential lameness. When do we get to vote to abolish the 2 party system? Looks like I’m going to have to write-in my vote for Robo-JFK.
No it’s not Ricky Martin this time. I don’t have the courage to post the vid so here’s the link to Dlisted’s February Hot Slut of the Month. I haven’t been this scared of a video since I saw The Ring.
OMGz. I need to stop clicking on this site. Whenever I do I get trapped in it’s never-ending web of eyegasming art images and ephemera.
The site works by its users bookmarking images they dig on the web and adds them to their list of photos on FFFFound. Im just trying to fill space so that the link on the right doesn’t spill over into the post under this one. Since I am just spouting off random words then I might as well tell you that I started a forum on this site. Under the header where it says FORUM, yeah, click that and start posting. Post whatever, i praise wierdness.
Totally better than Sarah Silverman fucking Matt Damon. Featuring Brad Pitt, Robin Williams, Don Cheadle, Meatloaf, Joan Jett, Cameron Diaz, Perry Farrell, Huey Lewis, McLovin, Harrison Ford and Some Worthless Nobodies.
Does anyone remember when MTV was really, really good. I mean, its fucking WORTHLESS now, but thats been common knowledge for nearly a decade. I think what made MTV brilliant “back-in-the-day” (I hate that term almost as much as “Old School”) was all of the fucked up/off the wall/surreal/nonsensical stuff that is now common place in places like [Adult Swim] and to an extent Comedy Central. I’ll rattle some of it off and as I do keep in mind that none of these things exist any longer so they are now a reason why mTV eats a big bag of assholes:
Liquid Television: the bastion of Sick and Twisted Animation’s Revival which was basically [Adult Swim]. It birthed Beavis and Butthead, Æon Flux, MTV’s Oddities The Head, and was later born into Cartoon Sushi. There is so much creativity collected into this series that you can’t turn on the tv without seeing a descendant in motion graphics that every network now uses or commercials trying to out-weird each other. Without this show there would be no Daria, King of the Hill, Mtv’s Oddities The Maxx, The Brothers Grunt (You don’t know what the fuck i’m talking about), Ren and Stimpy…
The Bumpers: “We’ve got Crab Legs, aaaah” Thankfully, YouTube is full of these old idents and promos. Bite Sized Brilliance. “I just blew my nose into the MTV logo, ya wanna see? … Well I didn’t want to show it to you anyway!”
The Characters: Aside from the VJs who were all pretty rad until Simon Rex and Idalis showed up. (But for some reason I like Simon Rex now.) Donal Logue and Toby Huss’ (genius!) characters still sit in little corners of my brain singing to each other. On Friday I was leaving a bar and a girl was karao-killing Alanis Morrissete’s “Ironic” and as always, it made me think of Jimmy the Cab Driver. Oddly enough, 10 minutes later I walk into the liquor store next to Spaceland and “Ironic” was playing there as well, i shit you not. “It’s like going crazy, when you’re already nuts.” Its pretty much the reason I decided to post this. And isn’t it ironic, dont you think?
The Sets: Watch this Alternative Nation clip of Kennedy and Tori Amos. I couldn’t keep my eyes off of the backgrounds. Very “Pee-Wee’s Playhouse” style of production design. I seriously wanted to live there. (Trivial Knowledge Diarrhea: Rob Zombie was a production designer for Pee-Wee)
The Shows: This is going to sound strange but until “The Real World” showed up, MTV had SCRIPTED ENTERTAINMENT! Egads. So this is another of those “so I was leaving a bar the other day” stories but… I met this guy named Chip the other day and when I hear the name Chip I think about the MTV show Austin Stories. I know, you’ve never heard of it. But through the pure coincidence of living in L.A. the guy I was talking to actually was THAT GUY from the show. Beyond that The Jon Stewart Show (yeah it was great, you missed it), Apartment 2F, The State, Remote Control, Idiot Savants were also too good to live. And I wont talk total shit about the real world, the original concept was great but it could only really work for 1 season. After that it seems they cast the same show over and over until it dissolved into a house full of drunken cunts and douchebags.
I know I must be forgetting tons but I think you get my point. I was glued to a TV set growing up and am now unable to connect with humanity. -No, wait, the point I was trying to make is there needs to be a place for creative entertainment like what MTV had to offer in the 80s up to the mid-90s. Society is really missing out on there not being an MTV classic channel right now. And no, I didn’t forget. MTV used to play Music Videos, then M2 used to play music videos, then MTV2 used to play videos. Well you know what? Video Killed the Video Star when MTV and the music industry stopped listening to the audience and tried to tell them what they should like. In a way, their plan seems to be working, but then again thats why we are stuck with American Idol.
This video comes from a link on Wordofmouthradio.org which is a show on New Hampshire Public Radio produced by my awesome friend and ex-Lincolnite Avishay Artsy:
She can’t play an instrument, her performances turn to shit, she has no stage presence, she’s a goddamned junkie, and it seems that her whole album was Mark Ronson (Because it sounds exactly the same as the 50 other soul-regurgitated anglo-turds he produced last year*). So why did this bitch win so many awards? I think Leslie Feist should deathmatch her for the grammys she rightfully deserved. Watch out, Feist! She could be on PCP with the strength of 10 emaciated models! Here’s the video of Wino smoking crack in case you haven’t seen it. I hope they throw that dried up hack in prison and force her to listen to her vomit-inducingly unironic song until she snuffs it.
I stopped watching the Grammys a few years ago. I should say rather, that I stopped beliving that they mean anything. They really don’t.** The industry is dead (thank god) and it seems that only Major Label Artists get any props for the music of 2007. Well, what the fuck? Cassadaga came out last year and all it won was for BEST PACKAGING? (It is pretty fucking sweet if you haven’s seen it.) But the point I’m making is that there are Hundreds of AMAZING bands that made some amazing music last year and some worthless assholes in the Academy of Recording Arts and Sciences are trying to tell you that Amy Winehouse made the best achievements in music last year. Go Die.
I’m not trying to be pessimistic but I hung out with too many musicians last year that treated it all too much like a job. It’s not. Its better than a job, its what you are! Be professional but HAVE FUN! Thats the reason that you got into it in the first place, right? If not then STOP DOING IT! I was fortunate enough that I also hung out with plenty of musicians that worked their asses off, made great music, put everything they had financially, emotionally and physically into their music and they got little to no recognition outside of Pitchfork.com. I guess more importantly is that they have a connection to THE FANS and people who came to see them live. And thats what’s really important. Awards are ridiculous; the next time you hear about one, spit on the ground.
I don’t even care that the death of the music industry has snuffed my dream of designing album artwork for a living. At least I’m still doing packaging that millions of people see and I’ll still be alive with a career next year (hopefully). Hey Amy, here’s Renfro’s dealers’ number, give him a call when you come to L.A.
*Lily Allen you’re excused because you are still adorable.
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