So I was doing one of those random, time-wasting searches on YouTube, when I stumbled across a video on how to apply makeup to look like a particular star (notice I failed to mention which one I stumbled across). In this video was this smiley, unassuming girl with a funny little accent, who was very natural on camera, and very skilled at makeup application. I saw that she had tons of makeup tutorials on YouTube, so I spent a good couple hours watching them.

Turns out this friendly face was Lauren Luke, who has been putting these videos up online for over a year now. Lauren (panacea81), 26-year-old mother of one, got tired of her job and decided to do something she loved. She started selling cosmetics and makeup brushes on eBay, and instead of putting pictures of the say, mango-orange eyeshadow, she took pictures of herself wearing said eyeshadow. Then she began to get requests for tutorials. Her videos became more and more popular, and she soon began getting requests on how to look like Leona Lewis in her new music video, or say, Britney Spears in the video for Toxic. Now she’s one of the most well-known makeup artists in the world, and her videos are some of the most viewed on YouTube, with over 8 million hits.

Lauren was completely self-taught, a lover of makeup and crazy colors (much like myself) and experimenting with them. She’s recently began taking beauty school classes, to ‘brush up on the basics’. Off camera, she is quiet and timid, and admits to having few friends.

I think she came up with a million-dollar idea that has global appeal for women who want to learn how to use makeup. YouTube has recently begun a partnership with its most popular channels, and through this Lauren could potentially bank. Not to mention that her viral popularity has caught the eye of cosmetic brands like MAC, Stila and Barry M Cosmetics, the latter of which has her making videos for their own website, reviewing their products and using them in her tutorials. She is such a personable, humble girl to be such a huge YouTube star-one of the most popular channels in the UK. And myself being of the ‘non-stick-sized’ variety, it is so refreshing to see someone real succeeding in the cosmetics/beauty industry.

I personally want to thank Lauren, not only for setting an example for people afraid of pursuing their dreams, or for being a role model for the real girls out there, proving that you don’t have to look the way movies or magazines tell you to look in order to be happy and/or successful, but most of all, for bringing a little color into the world, and helping others feel beautiful and confident. Girl power, rar!

Waiting for the #72 bus after work today, an ad at the bus stop caught my eye. It was an advertisement for Tru:Blood, a “synthetic blood nourishment beverage”. I was taken aback that there might actually be an alcoholic beverage that catered to freaks like me who have an obsession with interest in vampires. With a tagline like “friends don’t let friends drink friends”, I had to get a closer look. Upon further inspection, I saw that the ad was actually part of a marketing campaign for the new HBO show, True Blood.

Alan Ball, “Six Feet Under” creator, returns to HBO with True Blood, a series based on the Southern Vampire Mysteries books by Charlaine Harris. The show details the fictional co-existence of vampires and humans in a small Louisiana town after Japanese-made synthetic blood – “TruBlood” – becomes available for purchase. Anna Paquin stars as Sookie Stackhouse, a telepathic waitress at a diner who falls in love with one of the vampires, Bill Compton, who is played by Stephen Moyer-yeah, I don’t know who that is either. But hey-check out this giant piece of man. He plays Liam. Not that I know who that is, but apparently he’s a tattooed, sex-addicted vampire, so consider me interested.

The show’s premiere on September 7th has been prefaced with a viral marketing campaign, based at BloodCopy.com. This has included setting up multiple websites, encoding web addresses into unmarked envelopes mailed to high profile blog writers (I’ll assume my unmarked envelope got lost in the mail), a wikipedia entry collating info, and even a MySpace account (username: “Blood”) complete with video postings.

Author Harris admits that her vampire is a metaphor for minorities, and how they are perceived in society. In the show, vampires have decided to ‘come out of the coffin’ (their terminology, not mine), upon the advent of TruBlood. This is where the show seems be different from other vampire shows and movies-the focus is not on becoming a vampire, but the integration of vampires into everyday society, and the distrust and racism (mortalism?) that inevitably follows.

So…I’m pretty sure the marketing campaign is going to end up being more interesting than the actual show. Although I did learn a new word researching the show: Fangbangers–women who sleep with vampires. Loves it!

Eh, I’ll still watch it, I’m sure. But if it’s super lame, I’m gonna be pissed that it got picked up, and a second season of Moonlight didn’t.

[intr0vert’s Additional images: L.A. - click to enlarge]

Most people I ask these days are at least vaguely familiar with either David Sedaris or his younger sister, Amy. Those who are more fans of David’s work know Amy as his crazy and wildly entertaining sister who tortured their father by wearing half a fat suit home for the holidays, co-wrote plays with him (as The Talent Family), and was his overall accomplice in playing practical jokes on their friends and family.

I knew of Amy before David, from catching her as the amoral ex-con/junkie/prostitute Jerri Blank on Strangers With Candy. I was immediately captivated by the freakshow that is Flatpoint High School, home of the Concrete Donkey. I was also amazed by how pretty Amy Sedaris is without the fatsuit/makeup/schlumpy look. The show is in the format of the beloved after-school special, each episode ending with a lesson learned, often times the wrong one. For example, in an episode about eating disorders, Jerri learns that it’s OK to be anorexic because then people will pay attention to you. In the episode “Who Wants Cake?” (possibly my favorite), after much research and advice-seeking, Jerri discerns that it’s okay to snitch on the suspected retarded girl in class, because “if provoked, she could fly into a rage with the strength of an ape and no remorse, not even a bullet could bring her down”.

Oh lawdy, this show is highly offensive and politically incorrect, which is why I watch it. No one is safe from insult, whether Jerri is writing in her “dirty Jew diary”, or constantly comparing to her Filpino friend, Orlando to a monkey (see below). The writers of SWC (Paul Dinello, Stephen Colbert, and Amy) relish in the act of Schadenfreude, pleasure felt at someone else’s misfortune-”Laughter through the tears,” in the words of Amy. Here are some of the show’s finer gems:

-”It’s unthinkable, the atrocities that the Native Americans committed against the buffalo. No one is certain what exactly the Native Americans did to the poor creatures, but whatever it was, it caused the buffalo to become so depressed, that when the white men came, the buffalo committed suicide by jumping in front of the white men’s muskets.”

-”Orlando, you can’t be a pilgrim. The pilgrims had snowy white skin to match their pure Christian souls. They didn’t sacrifice coconuts to their monkey gods.”

-”Greeks are just Jews without money!”

-”Let’s go watch some gay porn so we can get our hate back.”

-”You know, I cried when I had no shoes, until I met a man who had no feet. And then I laughed…really hard.”

One of the primary inspirations for the show, and for the main character was a 1970 documentary called “The Trip Back”, which featured a 50-year-old former junkie whore named Florrie Fisher lecturing a group of high school students about the perils of drug use. And yes, any resemblance of Fisher to Jerri Blank is intentional.

The film version premiered at Sundance in 2005, as a sort of ‘prequel’ to the TV show. The plot was sloppy, production was delayed multiple times, and the budget appeared to be teeny-weeny, but most SWC devotees (myself included) still enjoyed it.

This show was grotesquely hilarious and deliciously offensive, and its run was cut way too short. Apparently Comedy Central was disappointed with its less than South Park stellar ratings, even though it quickly built a cult following, whose fans included the likes of Janeane Garofalo, Winona Ryder, and David Cross (who all made guest appearances on the show). It’s a bit like the car crash that you can’t take your eyes off of…if the car was full of handicapped albino dwarfs that also happened to be white supremacists with eating disorders. I now leave you with these wise words…

“Packing a Musket” by Jerri Blank.

When you work from your home and johns call on the phone, you’re a call girl.

When you walk ’til you limp and give a cut to a pimp, you’re a street whore.

When they’re beggin’ you please to get down on your knees near their groinage, excusa me, but you see, don’t you touch where they pee without coinage.

When I straddle and squat, to show you my…

I miss this show.

A couple weeks late, I know. But I was describing it to someone and they were like…huh?

THE BPA - ‘TOE JAM’ FEAT. DAVID BYRNE & DIZZEE RASCAL
We love you David Byrne.

This video just reminded me to change my party affiliation back to Independent (I registered Democrat only for the Primary). I think joining either team guarantees that you are rolling over to take a corporate sponsored dildo up the ass. I can’t vote neither so at least I’ll vote for the one who talks about helping the environment, women’s rights and marriage equality; even if they never really do anything about it.

thanks to Shannon for the video.

Way cute, and a fair interpretation of how I feel tonight:

Two great things together. Kittahs and Theremins. These cats are adorable, is Japan getting an especially cute strain of kitties?

To the uninitiated Leon Theremin was almost as important to electronics as Tesla and Edison. Beyond inventing the Theremin which was the first instrument that you didn’t even touch to play, he also invented a few dozen other gizmos that are now the basis of synthesizers and electronic music. Theremin also created the “Buran” eavesdropping system which recorded conversations in French and American embassies by measuring the window glass vibrations using a low power infrared beam from a distance. But really anyone could have done that right?

And he probably invented untold hundreds of spy-sci while working for the KGB.

kitties via ApartmentTherapy.

British Witchcraft!

Lee Spievak lost the tip of his finger to a model airplane’s propellor. His brother just happens to be involved in Stem Cell Research and Regenerative Medicine. So like any good bro he sent him some magical pixie dust made from pig guts (like so many other magical pixie dusts are made from). Within a month the rest of his finger grew back… including his fingerprint.

Why would we not fund this?!!

…as long as they are cute and can dance.

NOW MAKE THEM DO THE “STRONGER, FASTER” DANCE!

via the now famous pixeloo.blogspot.com:

Stewie Griffin Detooned looks like a very young Mackulay Culkin.

Victory goes to the kids. I think with more people in the world, the competition will cause the rate of evolution to speed up to make stronger, smarter kids. Which is good! The world is fucked and someone has to fix it. It’s a good thing these 1st graders are smarter than whomever birthed these proverbs. I think they work better now and we should probably replace the old ones. Take that deep thinkers of the past!

—–

A first grade teacher collected well known proverbs. She gave each child in her class the first half of a proverb and asked them to come up with the remainder of the proverb. Their insight may surprise you.

Better to be safe than………………..Punch a 5th grader
Strike while the …………………….Bug is close
It’s always darkest before…………… Daylight Savings Time
Never underestimate the power of……….Termites
You can lead a horse to water but……..how?
Don’t bite the hand that…………….. looks dirty
No news is…………………………..impossible
A miss is as good as a……………….Mr.
You can’t teach an old dog new…………math
If you lie down with dogs, you’ll………stink in the morning
Love all, trust……………………..me
The pen is mightier than the…………..pigs
An idle mind is……………………..The best way to relax
Where there’s smoke there’s……………pollution
Happy the bride who…………………..gets all the presents
A penny saved is……………………..not much
Two’s company, three’s………………..the Musketeers
Don’t put off till tomorrow what……….you put on to go to bed
Laugh and the whole world laughs with you, cry and…….you have to blow your nose.
None are so blind as………………….Stevie Wonder
Children should be seen and not………..spanked or grounded
If at first you don’t succeed………….get new batteries
You get out of something what you………see pictured on the box
When the blind leadeth the blind……….get out of the way

And the favorite:

Better late than…………………….pregnant.

——

via Monoscope via Boulder Therapist
Don’t let your mom see this or she’ll be forwarding it to everyone in her address book. That’s how spam gets spread ya know.

I am a beard owner/operator. Here is a beard alphabet. Now here is a beard viral video:

The Demon Beard of Fleet Street - Watch more free videos

Praise the Beard.

I have acquired a short video of the Miley Cyrus Vanity Fair photoshoot. I think it’s pretty true to life.

via and featuring, Michael Busch.

I’m totally sickened that I’m even writing about this. Then again, I am pretty sick. And quite frankly, after the VaginaCam post, I needed a bit of fluff. Oooh, Miley Cyrus and her jailbait-y goodness! Her poor parents, they seem to be rivaling the Lohans in the “selling out our kids at the risk of their dignity/sanity for a buck” contest. Actually, I don’t think said picture is really worth all the controversy.

Now, the risque ones she took of her and her friends that have been popping up on the internet left and right-those are naughty. In all fairness, what 15 year old girl didn’t take naughty pics with her friends? (or was that just me?) But then again, I wasn’t Disney’s cash cow at the time.

Many people in the public eye felt the need to weigh in on the situation-Bill O’Reilly, Ellen, the ladies from The View…I didn’t give a shit until Stephen Colbert said his piece on it. Oh Stephen Colbert, never again will you win a gem of a role like the closeted history teacher on Strangers With Candy. I miss that show. Best after-school special ever. Anywhoo, this pretty much sums up how I feel about it:

The cliffsnote’s version of Colbert’s viewpoint: Who gives a shit? Am I right? I guess it’s a little hypocritical that I am writing about it, a fault of mine, I admit it. But the poor girl, being a teenager is hard enough without the media scrutinizing every move you make, innocent or otherwise. Oh wait, she’s worth a billion dollars, therefore I am physically unable to have sympathy for her.

Oh yeah, here you go, sickos. You know you want to.

Ah, youth.

I’m having a bit of an evil week. And I think I’ve got the Beaker-Astley mashup trumped today. Ms. Piggy fucks the pain away.

What else is in the teaches of Ms. Piggy? Uh, what? Right, oh.
2 frogs for every pig.

I admit it, I enjoy porn. I don’t buy it, I don’t rent it, I don’t keep a stash of it, but I watch it. I’ve seen a lot of crazy stuff. Mostly because one of my former roommates (you know who you are) used to ask us, “Hey wanna see something fucked up…” And whether we wanted to or not, our curiosity would get the better of us and we would watch. And what would usually follow would indeed be very fucked up depending on how JAPANESE or GERMAN it was. The kind of thing that you wish you could CNTL + Z and UNDO out of your brain. What is it about the axis powers anyway that makes their porn so crazy now? Is it maybe that after seeing the Holocaust and Atomic Bombs that everything else is completely tame and harmless in comparison? Well it seems that it has taken the British to trump them both with THIS EXCERPT from “A Girl’s Guide to 21st Century Sex” where apparently when thinking outside of the box they did the opposite. I warn you now, THIS VIDEO is Very Educational and VERY NSFW.

Its sad that using these words is going to spike my daily visitors. I’ll throw in another one for good measure, Bukakke. Good luck erasing this from your brain, suckers.

via Gizmodo.

The dude who runs pixeloo says untooned but I guess being around music forever makes me think that someone saying untuned is just trying to say detuned. So the 3rd in his series after Mario and Homer is Jessica Rabbit. I already know 2 girls in L.A. who, minus the disproportionately large tits, look exactly like Jessica Rabbit. I think he should have done a full body shot in this case. The people commenting on his site seem to think that Stewie from Family Guy is his next victim. I think he should do something a bit more expressive, like someone evil.

And perhaps a bit more interesting is watching him do it. Can you imagine having to work on photoshop like that everyday for like 10 hours? Man that would be hell…oh wait.

Take 7 minutes out of your day and watch this adorable shit.

There’s no pride in the world like watching your 4-year old drop in like a big boy. That’s it-my kids are gonna have a guitar in one hand and a skateboard in the other. Straight outta the womb. Screw that. They can use my uterus as a half pipe.

Lately, I’ve been thinking about what kind of parent I might be. Kinda weird, but my brother Jason just had his 4th, and my brother T.C. is about to have his 1st, so yeah, it’s on my mind a little more than usual. But that’s all, I have no clock ticking in my head or my fallopian tubes or anything. For a long time, I didn’t think I wanted kids. Now I think I only do in that vain “I wanna see a little version of myself running around someday” type of way.

I myself was kinda force-fed a lot of extracurricular activities starting in grade school. It could be pretty awful at times, but I also think I’m kinda better off for it. So I don’t know what kind of parent I’d be. Mine did a pretty good job, but then again, they had like 8 chances to practice getting it right before they got around to me. I’m actually pretty lucky that I have my parents to use as an example, a lot of people I know have at least one parent who are an example of how NOT to parent.

So here’s what I want in life:

-I want people to have to complete and pass an IQ test before being allowed to breed. (That kid is BACK on the escalator!)

-I want to be the ‘cool mom’, the one that all the neighborhood kids like and treat more like a friend than a parent, the one that some of the other parents are maybe a little freaked out by.

-I don’t, don’t DON’T wanna fuck my kid up.

My kids are screwed.

I know I’ve been quite the useless author these days, but between working, moving/unpacking/building Ikea furniture and being sick, this is all I got. But it made me giggle, so here you go.

A post with content is coming STAT!