Estelle “Stop or my mom will shoot” Getty at 84 has passed on to that retirement community in the sky.

One summer when I was visiting my father in Colorado, he lived out on a ranch and if I didn’t go with him to the bars and honky tonks he used to play (they’d let kids hang out and play darts and drink cherry coke back then because they weren’t Nazis like they are now) then I would be back at the ranch playing Nintendo or watching T.V.

That summer I must have seen at least 80 episodes of The Golden Girls. I’m sure everyone agrees. It was a  Good fucking show. And the formula for Sex in the City: 4 old bats in Florida, who knew?

It was funny that she was actually one of the younger members of the cast, playing the oldest. I think Sofia taught us a lot about living for today. Cause tomorrow it could all be over. Thanks, Estelle.

I went to the Midnight showing of Hellboy II: The Golden Army tonight and fucking loved it. This is an epic that goes so far beyond being “just a comic book movie” that I consider it a moving piece of art. Guillermo Del Toro has proven once again that as a director he has total control over an AMAZING army of costumers, visual fx hordes and production designers. His unique fantasy aesthetic mixed with Mike Mingola’s brilliant characters bring Hellboy II to life with 10x the flesh of his indie-esque endeavors. It has proven that you can throw money at brilliance and return something positive.

Danny Elfman’s score is at once subtle and appropriate AND a bold storytelling symbiont, it took me half the film to figure out that it was even his! Perhaps the boldest musical choice was the mix of Rock Songs (namely the vintage Eels track) to push the narrative and successfully keep the slow points (the non-punchy shooty stuff) to a minimum.

But once again I can’t stress the amazing work of the artisans who crafted this film. The phrase of “too many cooks in the kitchen” does not apply to this film which must have had some amazing head chefs to produce this NON-STOP occular feast. Jim Henson and Stan Winston would weep if they could see the creativity in this SEAMLESS mix of CGI and good old fashioned creature effects.

As far as the acting goes it is a bit comic book-y but um, duh, it came from a fucking comic book. What do you want? That aside acting was fair, Seth McFarlane’s Germanic accent was a bit stressingly humorous, the fantasy characters melodromatic in an “I’m in 100 lbs. of foam rubber and you want me to be Peter-fucking-O’Tool for christsakes!” kind of way. The exception being Doug Jones’ triple costume duty which is probably as hard as it looks. And I think Selma Blair is hot.

But you’re now screaming, “What about the plot?” Because surely we have seen a bevy of movies lately trying to push a piece of shit plot through with an overload of Eye Candy to trick us right? Well, Not Really. Although Rotten Tomatoes is already rating 100% for The Dark Knight, calling it a crime drama on par with HEAT, I can’t say Hellboy II would get that kind of presumptive acclaim from this reviewer. HOWEVER! This movie is a fantasy, and a fucking good one at that. Deal with it.

Hellboy II: The Golden Army, directed by Guillermo Del Toro gets an 8.5/10 because I have an art degree and this movie makes Damien Hurst look like Jeff Koons made me cum in my pants and want to become a Production Artist.

This all being said. AliUptown and I already have our tickets for the Midnight showing of The Dark Knight next week. Sorry you only have a week to shine, Hellboy. Can’t wait for you to destroy the world in the 3rd!

If you have a time machine, you can always kick it old school.

In my top 5 movies of all time you will find Back To The Future, which I saw in theatres back in 1985. I didn’t want to go, the Dark Cauldron was out that weekend as well. But my Mom dragged my sister and I to see the movie… and I think I never opted to see a kids movie ever again. And I’m a dork. It should also be noted that I live 150 feet from the Hollywood United Methodist Church (the actual location of the ‘Enchantment Under the Sea’ Dance where Marty plays Johnny B. Goode). But we’ve already established that I am a dork…let’s move on.

I saw BTTF:2 on New Years of ‘89/’90 and after witnessing the future scenes it wasn’t just a new year once I left the theatre… it was a new world! Well up on ebay right now is a working prototype of one of Marty McFly’s Nike Air Mags. Bidding began at $1,000 and is now at $2,025 with 8 days left.

This comes shortly after Nike themselves introduced the Back To The Future II inspired shoe which may be a little more affordable, but not much more wearable in public unless you have an orange vest and suspenders. And although they don’t even light up or autolace, they will probably match your Delorean.

But the real question is when will they sell us the hoverboard?

[ADDENDUM: SUN: JULY: 13 2AM]

Today I recieved an email from the folks partially responsible for getting the Nike 2015 Hyperdunks into production. Namely the Maloof brothers @ www.mcfly2015.com {link is down: click here for cached version} gathered 41,000 signatures online and the Prez of Nike still wouldn’t hook them up with a pair! They’d asked him if Nike was planning to produce a faithful McFly “Slamball” shoe (with working autolace and glowing logo) to which CEO and President Mark Parker responded, “The voices have been heard. Stay Tuned!”. Read about their press here.

Thanks for the tips Mickey Maloof and good luck on your quest! I share your dream and hope it becomes a reality. You know if you put your mind to it, you can accomplish anything.

The Who are being rightly worshipped by VH1 for their annual “Rock Honors” (info @ www.Rock.VH1.com) and a promotional blitz they have hooked me up with the power to reign gifts of Quadrophenic goodness upon you, the AvantTrash faithful. And for you lucky Los Angelenos there will be miles and miles of WHO shennanegins and goings on during the week of the 10-17th that you can partake of including the ceremony itself (which I unfortunately don’t have any tickets to). DETAILS AT THE END OF THIS POST.

AliUptown and I saw these unbelievable legends play a couple years ago in Omaha and we were floored by how amazing and energetic these gents still are. It was post-Entwistle, Zach Starkey was on drums and Simon Townshend on Rhythm Guitar but of course Roger Daltrey and Pete Townshend tore the roof off the place like they’ve been doing since they nearly invented the Arena Rock spectacle back in the 60’s. We caught The Stones in the same year and despite their similar *ahem* maturity, the Who defied their ages and played as if they were Live at Leeds. If you get a chance to check out these legends, we suggest you do so.

“WHO AM I?” CONTEST!

Up for grabs thanks to VH1 and Filter Magazine we have THE WHO: VH1 Rock Honors gift pack which includes:

- The Who commemorative flask

- The Who shot glasses

- VH1 Rock Honors custom t-shirt

- set-of-4 The Who guitar picks.

And all you have to do to win it is tell us “Who am I?”. Its simple, I will describe 3 characters from WHO songs in the first person and you just have to guess which song they are from. I’m not making this very hard, any Who fan should know them. Send answers to contest@avanttrash.com and you’ll be entered to win.

1. I can’t hear, I can’t talk, I can’t see. Who am I?

2. No one knows what it’s like to be me. I’m sad. Maybe even bad. Who am I?

Those were easy, but here’s the kicker:

3. I’m not old, I live on the Isle of Man. Kids can’t hurt me but they try, try, try. They ride on my head with furry donkeys. They can’t prevent me from being what I am. Who am I?

Send your answers to contest@avanttrash.com by 11:59am PST on Thur, July 10 and you’ll be registered to win. Then you can go drink like Keith Moon… well, hopefully not.

—–

LOS ANGELES EVENT INFO:

*FYI I will be attending the Steel Panther @ Keyclub and Greg Laswell CD Release show at the Hotel Cafe*

THURSDAY, JULY 10
6pm: Guitar Center Presents Sessions with Dave Mustaine (Megadeth) @ Guitar Center Hollywood
8pm: The Gutter Twins & Ed Harcourt @ The Roxy www.theroxyonsunset.com
8pm: Tribute to Sublime @ Malibu Inn www.malibu-inn.com
9pm: Supreme Being of Leisure @ Viper Room,featuring “Who Am I” mojitos www.viperroom.com
All night: The Who Karaoke Night @ Blue Goose Lounge www.myspace.com/bluegooselounge
All night: Quadrophenia Night @ Seven Grand www.sevengrand.la

MONDAY, JULY 14
Doors TBD: Indie 103.3 presents local bands @ Viper Room www.viperroom.com
8:30: Steel Panther (formerly known as Metal Skool) tribute to The Who @ Key Club www.keyclub.com

My gym is right next to one of the best movie theatres in the world. So before I went running yesterday I decided to see “The Wackness” starring Sir Ben Kingsley and Josh Peck. It’s the story of Luke Shapiro, a pot dealer who just graduated from high school and the parallels of his problems (girls) with that of his middle aged Psychiatrist and client. Its set in 1994 New York and the pop culture references were a bit heavy, like they were trying to induce early nostalgia of a time not so long ago,  but overall the movie was pretty good. The one appropriate reference was to the emergence of The Notorious B.I.G. and the soundtrack supported the relationship between the old guard and the new. It had Indie-pacing (that medium slow character development thing) but I really felt the themes of it. Supporting characters played by Famke Janssen, Mary-Kate Olsen, Olivia Thirlby and Method Man (bad Jamaican accent though, Johnny Blaze) were pretty solid. The overall grainy look of this film worked to ad warzone like grit to Guiliani’s “Let’s Clean Up New York” era and the set and setting make it a pretty good Summer flick. Catch it at your local arthouse if you get the chance.

The Wackness directed by Jonathan Levine gets 7.5/10 - Points deducted for the nostalgia card and the uncomfortably stoned feeling I got from watching a High School Pot Dealer try to emote. And does every movie have to start with Lou Reed’s “Take A Walk On the Wild Side” end with Mott the Hoople’s “All the Young Dudes?”

I’m available if someone wants to hire me as a music supervisor.

There is NOTHING hotter than female musicians. Actresses are pretty hot but really they are just paid liars, fakers. And they’re almost all crazy. Maybe they lack a true sense of self so its easier for them to become other people. But musicians create something far more beautiful and universal! Most of actresses beauty comes from makeup, CGI effects and the occasional prosthesis. But a musicians beauty comes from their soul. (deep, I know).

But, whilst young popstar/trainwreck-in-training Britney Spears was physically peaking at the 2000 VMA’s, her pop predecessors were aging themselves to their current perfection. So I present to you, AvantTrash’s 6 Female Musicians that have gotten Hotter with age:

Have you seen Alanis Morrisette lately? The music has still dropped south of the listenable scale but she finally found the right hair color and is more gorgeous at 34 than 21 when Jagged Little Pill came out. (And hopefully has the same theatre habits). What prompted this list is this video from Howard Stern that features the Canuck talking about Ryan Reynolds, Promiscuous Sex and a foray into Lesbianism. (random fact: In the script for Dogma. Her line as God when asked the meaning of life was supposed to be, “One Word… Plastics.” Bonus Points if you get the homage.)

About to go back on the market and 50 in August is Madonna, although totally nuts, an African baby thief, still without vocal talent and a bad imitation of a guitar player is still “one tasty piece of bitch“. Sometimes she gets too buff for her frame, sometimes she looks transparent and I can see her vaney face (they don’t get much sun in England) but I think that Yid Yoga and Kaballah Karate Stuff is doing wonders on that amazing body she’s always had. I would hit it and so would you because at the end of the day she has encyclopedias of SEX in that ever wrinkling dome of hers. But lady, you can fix your teeth. You don’t have to look like the Brits. We have orthodontic technology now and it’s not plastic surgery. Even that Alien-Raper Tom Cruise tried to fix that mouth full of 2×4’s he wraps around David Miscavages little Hubbard. (That was a gross one, even for me, I know.)

Assuming you are old enough or retro-minded enough to remember young Kylie Minogue, awkward and tiny in her “Locomotion” days; you are assuredly pleased at the gorgeous Provacatuer this 40-year-old beauty has become. Something ‘I can’t get out of my head‘ is that side-baring curtain she was sporting in her infamous 2001’s video, looking like a sexy Jedi. Since then she has put out an asstounding amount of records, toured constantly, and even beaten breast cancer. But I can’t for the life of me put my finger in on what makes her so hot?

Former schoolteacher, Jingle Writer and Bad-era Michael Jackson backup singer Sheryl Crow has also kicked breast cancer’s sorry ass recently and came out of it more physically perfect than when she went in. She’s also probably outsold everyone else on the list. I’m willing to forgive her “Soak Up the Sun” and “The First Cut is the Deepest” infringements because her new record is decent protest music and her first 3 records are fucking chronic. At 46-years-old she still sounds the way she did when she broke out with Tuesday Night Music Club in her late 20’s. This photo of her “getting back” at John Mayer is proof that physically she probably hasn’t lost much either. She’s recently adopted a son and seems to live completely on her own terms on a farm outside of Nashville. Not bad for a girl from Missouri.

Despite recent beach photos on trashy blogs that I won’t name, the other Canadian songstress (not so fast Ann Murray) Sarah McLachlan is still at the top of my crush list. Better than Chocolate (in joke). She claims that she never found her true voice or really felt comfortable with her looks until she was nearly 30 (and got that sexy short haircut). The 40-year-old queen of Lilith Fair had me “Fallin” for the video of her writhing around in a bathtub. Her lyrics floor me, She is unbelievably talented as a musician and songwriter, she dedicated a huge deal of time to social causes and world relief, Surfacing is one of the best records ever made and she looks exactly like my co-conspirator AliUptown give or take a few freckles. And apparently her music lifted Darryl “D.M.C.” McDaniels out of depression.

I was raised around country music. My parents toured the midwest playing supper clubs and honky tonks and for some reason back then they let us kids hang around alcoholics in loud, smokey bars. But during all of that time I never heard of Emmylou Harris until I was a teenager. Even now I’m not terribly familiar with her older work, mostly collaborations with Mark Knopfler and Indie’s such as Bright Eyes that seem to worship at this Silver Fox’s feet. Is she the Steve Martin type who prematurely greyed? Because It seems to work for her. I’m sure she’s had some work done or some good airbrush artists have been on her photos because at 61-years-old is still hot enough to let me put her in this list without seeming like a GILF hunter.

Judge if you will but I propose a 25-year-old MINIMUM on success for women. Maybe then our society will figure out what is really hot and not swallow the load that douchey TMZ/PEREZ/Celebtarded Gossip Magazines are trying to sell them. The country has an extreme case of agism and ideal look dismorphia and I think these chicks are the cure.

Don’t take “chicks” the wrong way. Jesus, so sensitive.

Shit. George Carlin has passed. Comedian, Philosopher, Enemy of Censorship - This is how George Carlin should be remembered.

Piss. This morning on Indie 103.1 comedian Patton Oswalt said not to be sad for the loss of George Carlin because he would have hated people crying over his death instead of celebrating his life. I think we profane loudmouths have a lot to thank Mr.Carlin for. Carlin, Richard Pryor and Lenny Bruce were perhaps the 3 most important people to ever take on the conventions of “Decency” and what is considered “Profanity”. Because of them we have freedom in media and this here internets to say whatever the Fuck we want.

Cunt.

Cocksucker. In his 5 decades of comedy he produced 23 albums, won 4 grammys and wrote 3 bestsellers. If you haven’t checked out his 14 HBO specials, I recommend you do so.

Motherfucker. He and my Dad have the same birthday…the day after mine. And for fucks sake, he was Rufus.

Tits.

“Be Excellent To Each Other… Party On Dudes.”

I don’t know what they are actually called. Hipster Holster is just the first name I came up with, or Guido Gizmo Gunbelt for the fans of alliteration. It set me back a bit one night following a short punk down Hollywood Blvd into Tiny’s K.O. and seeing black holster straps over his white sleeve-removed button up; until I saw that the holsters were not for a .38 snubnose but rather for a Sidekick and a Camera.

For all practical purposes they make total sense. Between my Razr and Casio Exilim I have 2 of the thinnest pieces of tech out there and I still feel bogged down by technology. I’m on the fence about bringing a small messenger bag with me when I go out. And its hard enough to get laid without having to carry around a man-purse. Even if I got an iPhone (which could happen) that still wouldnt be enough of a camera to replace what I carry now so I’d still be hauling the same amount of junk around. Why not free up my pockets with a holstervso I can get some tighter jeans? (j/k…sorta)

So are these Hostlers so lame they are hip, so lame they are lame (because really I think they are lame), or are they so functional they are ironically hip? I think this design is the offspring of a mobster and a tourist. Because the first thing it reminded me of what a fanny pack.

Drop us a comment and let us know…HOT OR NOT?

So my roommate and I ventured off to the Northwest Side (represent) to eat us some ribs and watch us some bands. The Republic Tigers were the first band of the day, and most people were still wandering into the area, the grills were just starting to fire up, good smells and good sounds were soon to follow. Of course, the second the music started, the sky opened up, and Heaven had a good cry. Sprinkles soon turned to tsunami rainfall within minutes. We sought shelter under the tarp where the makeshift sound booth was, while others stood in the pouring rain, their umbrellas making a laughable attempt to keep them dry. See the wetness?

Considering all the PA speakers were covered in blue tarps, and the weather was on the verge of apocalyptic, the sound quality was impressive. The band themselves rocked on, every now and then edging further and further away from the stage front to avoid the inevitable flooding. After about 15 minutes, it was deemed a lost cause and unfortunately, that was the end of the show.

They definitely have an indie-rock flair, but there’s something delicate amidst the rock. There’s a nice contrast between the soft acoustic sounds, and almost 80s-ish keyboard sounds, and that’s what made them so appealing. They definitely kept the attention of the crowd, which was everyone and anyone. They did come down and take time to meet everyone afterwards, very personable (and attractive) dudes.

I managed to stay mostly dry and have a good time. Although I can’t say much for the ribs (or the 6 dollar funnel cake), the band was definitely worth the trip. I wish they could have finished their set, or better yet, had a later time slot, and therefore a much bigger audience to impress.

*sidenote: In the picture, the two girls in the orange Republic Tigers t-shirts couldn’t have been older than 14, and absolutely gushed over the guys. It was sickeningly adorable. One of them flew into Chicago from Tallahassee to see them, after stumbling across them on XM radio a month prior. Now that’s a fan.

Here’s a quick email interview I did with the Republic Tigers before the show, questions answered by Kenn Jankowski, lead vocals/keys/guitar guy:

Avanttrash: Tell me about your influences in music.

Kenn Jankowski: We have many individual influences. But collectively, I’d say we all really love most of the “headphone” bands, like the Flaming Lips and Blonde Redhead. It’s not enough for bands to have beautiful recordings though. We mainly enjoy the ones that have obvious threads of classical influence within the chord flow and melody.

AT: What is the Kansas City music scene like? How does it differ from what you’ve seen in other cities while touring?

KJ: Massively supportive. If you don’t like our band, but you explain to me what kind of music you do like, I can introduce you to a Kansas City band that meets your demands. I see trends within cities, when we travel - it usually seems like 80% of any given city’s music all sounds similar. Where as, Kansas City has Ssion, In The Pines, Namelessnumberheadman, Deep Thinkers, The Rich Boys, Roman Numerals, Ghosty, Ad Astra Per Aspera, Be/Non, Olympic Size, Paper Cities, Beautiful Bodies, Vedera, Bacon Shoe, and American Catastrophe just to name a few.

AT: How does being from the Midwest influence your sound?

KJ: Occasional twangy pronunciation. That’s about it.

AT: Any old bands? What do you bring from those past experiences to Republic Tigers?

KJ: He who smelt it, dealt it.

AT: What’s next after Ribfest?

KJ: Finishing out the tour with Nada Surf - Indianapolis, Columbus, and Cleveland. Then we go home for a few weeks and play a benefit show in KC on June 28th at Crosstown Station. West coast touring after that. Not really sure beyond.

Moral of the story: Good guys, good music, catch them if they come to your area. Pray for sunshine.

I’ve heard that it’s nuts over at HBO right now. Total “reorganization”, firings, and lots of people jumping ship. Looking at SHOwtime’s current lineup of Californication, Dexter, This American Life, Weeds, Bullshit, The L Word and now british export Secret Diary Of A Call Girl, I can see why. With the recent finales of The Sopranos and The Wire, and Big Love MIA, I gotta wonder what HBO is doing on the sidelines? Get into the game so I have something to design!

There are hundreds of Billboards for Weeds and Secret Diary around L.A. but I didn’t even realize that the star of the latter was Billie Piper from the first two seasons of Doctor WHO (2005). Rose Tyler as a classy hooker?…sure I’ll check it out! The first 2 episodes of the british version are online right now, i suggest you do the same.

I still love you HBO. But when are you bringing back Tales from the Crypt?

My first exposure to Priscilla Ahn was through sheer coincidence. Early Last year I was working for a band who happened to be playing a little benefit show in an exotic home interiors store in Eagle Rock. The opener was the featherweight Phoebe Cates (or yes, Winnie Cooper) stand-in Ms.Ahn. With her guitar and handful of toys and gadgets she made the space her own little world. Her songs transported me into to a place that you’d think only she’d been. But what really slayed me was the delicate orchestra coming off of one small person. With the aide of a Boss loop station pedal she made enough music to fill 3 coffee houses. So of course I’d wondered what it would sound like if she actually had a full band behind her.

Flash forward a year to the night of the release of her debut album A Good Day, where Priscilla and her parlor full of band members took the stage of the Hotel Café. The house was packed with a surprisingly high contingency of asian fans (role model?) and some buzz seeking industry and media reps. I joined a photo pit of about 7 packed into the small corner off stage left and prepared to be destroyed with a feather.

Priscillas stage persona is a tiny ball of artisitic elation, at once nervous and as comfortable as if she were singing to herself…which she eventually did (in loops). The room was stuffy but a cool breeze flowed from the opening numbers of Priscillas set with “Wallflowers” and the Dylan/Lennon Harmonica infused “I don’t think so”. She beamed as she announced the albums release and proclaimed that she was going to “play the whole damn thing”. Which she nearly did… minus the albums’ title track. Her co-penned song “Astronaut” stuck out of the middle of her set just as it does on the album with a storytellers jumble of The Ditty Bops meets “Mr. Kite”.

Even the smallest band would feel crowded on the Hotel Café’s Stage, but veterans such as bandleader/producer/mentor Joey Waronker played to perfection and drove songs like “Red Cape” beyond what the very capable Ahn could do solo. As I was debating the merits of her work with a band and solo Ahn broke out her ukulele for “Find My Way Back Home” and proved how absolutely powerful she could be with just 4 strings and no accompaniment.

But what makes a Priscilla Ahn show is the personality transferred through her storytelling. Debatably the most beautiful song in her cadre is “Lullaby” which comes with a wonderful story about small town escapism and unqualified local policemen; sealed with her Joni Mitchell to Delores O’Riordan vocal outro. As the set was winding down she also shared her story of Willie Nelson’s reaction to her cover of “Opportunity to Cry” before launching into the song with folk swing.

The evening was capped with her “Dream” of a new single which builds to a peak with a looped armada of perfectly harmonized siren calls from Ahn. The added layers of Upright Bass, Drums, Keys, Electric Guitar and Two Cellos pushed this showstopper to the brink of spiritual enlightenment.

The assumed Encore and closer was the kazoo soloed “The Boob Song”, an older fixture of her set with more great storytelling and playful teenage introspection. A fun close to a great set, Priscilla Ahn is full of promise and potential. She radiates a joy in creation and performance that you won’t see too often in bitter, navelgazing hipsters on dark stages in Silverlake. Although my shirt was sticking to my back and the Hotel Café had to be its typical high 80s climate, I felt refreshed by this show as if i’d just walked through the rain.

9.4/10

Rock and Roll has lost “the Originator”. The man who put the thump into the blues, master of the call and response and the creator of the “Bo Diddley Beat”.

via the now famous pixeloo.blogspot.com:

Stewie Griffin Detooned looks like a very young Mackulay Culkin.

Wootie woo! Its time for another AvantTrash contest! This time we have teamed up with Filter Magazine to bring you into the world of The Republic Tigers! Hailing from Kansas City, the Tigers emerged from the ashes of Golden Republic and have been adding steam to their buzz train with a performance last Thursday on Letterman and an upcoming tour with Nada Surf! AliUptown herself of this very blog will be catching them June 8th at Ribfest in Chicago we suggest you do the same should they meander into your areas*.

Here is your chance to pick up their lovely new album Keep Color** as well as an awesome DAKINE Messenger Bag. This isn’t Target stuff, this is fancy bag you want to throw your iPods, Obama Buttons and Moleskine SketchBooks in and strap to your bagless vegan/indie/hipster butt.

There will be 2 winners for this contest:
- First Prize gets and autographed copy of the CD Keep Color along with a Republic Tigers T-Shirt.
- Grand Prize takes a copy of Keep Color as well as the DAKINE Medic Street Series over-the-shoulder travel bag, a favorite of The Republic Tigers. It retails for $60 if that makes you want to win it even more.

So get ready to roll up your right pant leg and ride your fixie down to the Pure Luck cause here comes the CONTEST!

The last contest was easy, this contest is an education! We want you to be smart enough to put some books into your brand new bag. The Republic Tigers hail from Kansas City, close to our old neck of the woods. And knowing what Midwest pride is all about I have decided to show you 4 pieces of Kansas City Paraphernalia (spellcheck, are you sure thats how thats supposed to look?) and all YOU have to do is NAME WHAT IS PICTURED (click to enlarge) and you’ll be entered to win! Send your answers to contest@avanttrash.com and 2 winners will be drawn and quartered at random after the contests’ end at 11:59pm PST on Sunday, June 1st. Here we go:

1. SUBJECT: ARTS & HUMANITIES

2. SUBJECT: SPORTS

3. SUBJECT: CURRENT EVENTS

4. SUBJECT: HISTORY

BONUS: THE FUTURE

Good Luck and stay tuned for reviews and photos from a long Memorial Day weekend!

—–
*Your geographic areas, not your other areas.
Republic Tigers Tour Dates:
MAY
28 Mt. Pleasant, SC - Village Tavern
29 Chapel Hill, NC - Local 506 w/The Helio Sequence
30 Athens, GA - Center Stage Theatre #
31 Jacksonville, FL - Jack Rabbits #
JUNE
1 Orlando, FL - The Social #
2 Miami, FL - Studio A #
3 St. Petersburg, FL - State Theatre #
5 Nashville, TN - Mercy Lounge #
6 Memphis, TN - TBA #
7 St. Louis, MO - Bluebird #
8 Chicago, IL - Ribfest Chicago #
9 Indianapolis, IN - The Music Mill #
10 Columbus, OH - The Basement #
11 Cleveland, OH - Beachland Ballroom & Tavern #
# w/ Nada Surf

**As heard on KCRW’s Morning Becomes Eclectic, Grey’s Anatomy, Gossip Girl and wherever modern alternative rock radio knows whats good for them.

Dear Joan Jett and Prince,

Not many people can pull off purple but you both do so beautifully, Congratulations.  I would like to know, Is bisexuality the fountain of youth? I think that if you two had a baby it would live to be 150 years old and would die looking 60 at the most. And if it held a guitar it would simultaneously give boners and moistness to everyone that laid eyes upon it without playing a note. Better yet, you should have a hot set of wonder twins. And tell them it’s ok to make out cause we will want to see that anyway.

Sincerely,
intr0vert

I was watching something really stupid on YouTube and in the video cue there was Joan Jett’s version of “Do You Wanna Touch Me” from 1982 so I had to watch it and she really doesn’t look that much different even though it’s been 26 years since that came out. Of course i had to Wiki her age because my internal calculations were telling me that she had to be a teenager when she was with the Runaways in the late 70’s and still doesnt look nearly 40 but logically had to be at least 45 and I found out that she was born in 1958! She will be 50 years old in September!

And It made me think of equally ageless Mr. Purple. AliUptown and I have had the pleasure of seeing both immortals live in the last few years and they of course have barely lost a step or forged a wrinkle. Prince Rogers Nelson, for the record will be 50 on June 7th. Were they dumping fluoride in the great lakes in 1958? Or has nobody reminded them that human beings typically age.

Sorry there was no insight to this post, just an observation.

I only watch TV one night of the week. I dont really have to watch it at all anymore thanks to Hulu. But if I’m at home, and its Sunday night then I’m watching The Simpsons, Family Guy, et all. So the worst ending to the week comes on after American Dad in the form of Los Angeles’ nightly news. In the meager 8 minutes i let FOX LA stay on in the background there were 4 violent stories, mostly involving the police and their incompetence. The best/worst one involving the Long Beach Police tasering and shooting a 125 lb. terminally ill lung cancer patient with mental illness. Of course the eyewitness testimony was completely different than the police spokesperson. It seems that the cop accidentally popped the guy tasered on the ground and the police made up a bullshit story that they guy had retard strength and withstood batons and tasers to grab a policeman’s nightstick and they had to take him down. In what fucking fantasy world are tasers ineffective? If you have muscles and nerves then they are going to fuck you up because thats what electricity does to you. Are they hiring out-of-work screenwriters as police spokesmen now?

Have you ever seen the 1988 John Carpenter classic They Live starring Rowdy Roddy Piper? It’s amazing! In the story Roddy finds these glasses that filter out what the media is telling you to its base element. For example, a Mcdonalds billboard would just say EAT or CONSUME and politicians are just telling you to OBEY. (Yes that’s where Sheperd Fairy’s mark came from…and they also see aliens in their true form). So what I see for that short period of time before I shut the tv off in disgust is that:

Your police are violent and will fucking shoot you and get paid leave and are never wrong so do what they say. Also, don’t leave the house, here are some car and food commercials. You’ll be safe if you have this car and won’t have to be a responsible driver. This fast food will make you a closer, more happy family; no home prepared meal can. Go into debt to afford things that are newer because that makes them better and that will make you a better person. Here are some tips to save a nickel or a dime off of a 3 dollar purchase as long as you don’t pay attention to how much of your income your many loan payments are. *click*

There are upwards of 17 million people in the Los Angeles-Riverside-Long Beach area. Of course crazy shit is going to happen but should I be watching a completely unbalanced “report” of it? There is no community catharsis or instructions on what you can do about having terrible public servants. There is no advice on how you can make your own community stronger. They are telling you that the viewing public doesn’t want to see that anyway. They’d show that stuff but they’d lose raitings and they’d lose sponsors. It’s bullshit and I’m not going to watch a second of it anymore, ever. I don’t see who it helps for that to be out in front of anybody if it doesn’t accomplish anything. The citizens of the Long Beach community should have beaten those officers critically with their own clubs and tasers and the anchors should have been the people to give them the order. “I don’t know about you Suzi but if some fucking redneck asshole cops killed my unarmed dying family member, I would beat the shit out of them and park their squad car on their throats.”

On top of that its been hot as fuck here. It’s summer, there are going to be a lot of crazy things happening and I know the news will only be painting a more desperate story. I know I sound like a hippie here but where is the Peace and Love, man? I though weed was legal in this motherfucker? And we can marry whomever the fuck we want! Lets fire the cops and fucking celebrate! Gah, its hot… I need a shower.

Don’t take any guff from these fucking swine.

If you can say anything about Ladytron its that their style has always been constant. There will always be great vintage synth sounds, good beats, and some hot Bulgarian-Glaswegian tag team vocals. 604 and Light & Magic are unquestionably hipster masterworks good enough to make anyone dress in black and go to indie fashion shows. It’s certainly what kept me up at 3am sculpture and ceramics labs in art college. But in the last few years I as a fan have been questioning the potentcy of their trademark style. When Witching Hour came out I started noticing less and less scortchers like “Seventeen” and “Flicking Your Switch” leading me to think that Ladytron might be losing their cool. This is more apparent on Velocifero, which seems to work really well as background working music and not the dancefloor ragers of just a few years ago. Maybe one of the differences is that the songs have gotten so much longer. The music that used to seem like a glimmer for dj’s to build off of is now a drone to be swallowed by white noise. Velocifero is not unlistenable, just hard to praise. It comes out June 9th but if possible catch them on tour this summer with Norway’s Datarock. The highlight of the album may be their current single “Ghosts” now available on iTunes with a bevy of upscale remixes. I’ll say this about the simplicity of Ladytrons music, it lends itself very well to remixes. Sometimes, you can hardly tell which was the original.

Ladytron may just be what they’ve always been, an amazing band to shop to.

Ladytron’s Velocifero (Nettwerk) gets a 4/10 with hopes that the next album brings a bit of an overhaul to their sound (like more guitar).

Some albums get better over time. When an album comes out and you really like it you listen to the shit out of it and then you let it go for a while, and then if it’s really good you can come back to it and its just as great as it was. Sometimes those albums reach that “personal favorite” status by some magical form of musical inflation (even in a recession). Elvis Costello does that a lot (King of America, My Aim Is True). And sometimes I forget how good he is because he’s been making amazing music for so long. And I don’t think I’m being premature here but I’ve given his new record Momofuku (on Lost Highway) a few listens now and it’s pretty fucking good. You will hear a lot of that Attractions sound thanks to the keyboard work of Steve Nieve (see Vox Continental Organ in “American Gangster Time”) and the new addition that you’ll really like is the subtle backing vocals from the queen of Silverlake, Rilo Kiley’s Jenny Lewis. (Perhaps most audible on “No Hiding Place” and the final track “Go Away”) When I’d heard they were working together I thought it would be like a duet album but really she is just a backing vocalist like it says in the liner notes. I guess they really couldn’t have called it just an Elvis album if she was any more prominent.

Momofuku has the right mix of moderate rocking in tracks like “Stella Hurt” and mellowness in the latin rhythmed “Harry Worth” and is super solid overall. Because of this, Momofuku has been added to my Saturday afternoon being-lazy-and-pretending-to-clean-my-apartment music. I never notice the lyrics in a piece of music first, I hear them and sometimes I note lines that stick out but I follow the melodies and let the music build in my head until after a few listens I hear the album overall as it is. This makes Elvis’ music last a bit longer to me because after you peel away all the layers of this bloomin’ onion of great musicianship and perfect songwriting there are some AMAZING lyrics waiting to find you. And the great thing about it is that when you get done with it, you can let it go for a while, come back, and it might be even better than now.

So I’m gonna give Momofuku an 8/10.

“…to the bridge”

And now the CONTEST! AvantTrash and Filter Magazine have teamed up again to give away Elvis Costello’s new album Momofuku on CD and VINYL to one lucky reader. Actually though, i think i’ll break this up and give the VINYL to the first place and the CD to the 2nd place winner.

So I’m gonna make this game easy. I’ll show you 4 Elvis’ and you just have to tell me whether its Elvis Presley or Elvis Costello:

1)

2)

3)

4)

Bonus dealbreaker question: What song did Elvis Costello interrupt on SNL to play “Radio, Radio” and with whom did he perform “Radio, Radio” years later on SNL?

Send your ANSWERS ONLY to: contest@avanttrash.com. I will ask for your info if you are a winner. Winners will be selected at random from the CORRECT entries. Dealbreaker is simply for my amusement.

This contest ends WEDNESDAY, MAY 21st at 11:59pm PST.

Oooooh…tight. As simple as this is I think it trumps the douche-owned Han Solo Carbonite desk. It looks awesome (very well crafted), can be used as very much needed storage for NESessories (i just made that up) and perhaps best of all, IT IS A FUNCTIONAL CONTROLLER! Snap!

Ok I got one more. It holds all of your NESessities. (hire me)

via Unplggd

So with the detoonings of Mario, Homer, and Jessica Rabbit by Pixeloo, its about time someone else got involved. But as opposed to a photorealistic rendering, Essenmitsosse throws down more of a photo-esque re-tooning of Mario’s reptilian nemesis. Click the image and be magically transported down the green tube to see and read more.