Estelle “Stop or my mom will shoot” Getty at 84 has passed on to that retirement community in the sky.

One summer when I was visiting my father in Colorado, he lived out on a ranch and if I didn’t go with him to the bars and honky tonks he used to play (they’d let kids hang out and play darts and drink cherry coke back then because they weren’t Nazis like they are now) then I would be back at the ranch playing Nintendo or watching T.V.

That summer I must have seen at least 80 episodes of The Golden Girls. I’m sure everyone agrees. It was a  Good fucking show. And the formula for Sex in the City: 4 old bats in Florida, who knew?

It was funny that she was actually one of the younger members of the cast, playing the oldest. I think Sofia taught us a lot about living for today. Cause tomorrow it could all be over. Thanks, Estelle.

Waiting for the #72 bus after work today, an ad at the bus stop caught my eye. It was an advertisement for Tru:Blood, a “synthetic blood nourishment beverage”. I was taken aback that there might actually be an alcoholic beverage that catered to freaks like me who have an obsession with interest in vampires. With a tagline like “friends don’t let friends drink friends”, I had to get a closer look. Upon further inspection, I saw that the ad was actually part of a marketing campaign for the new HBO show, True Blood.

Alan Ball, “Six Feet Under” creator, returns to HBO with True Blood, a series based on the Southern Vampire Mysteries books by Charlaine Harris. The show details the fictional co-existence of vampires and humans in a small Louisiana town after Japanese-made synthetic blood – “TruBlood” – becomes available for purchase. Anna Paquin stars as Sookie Stackhouse, a telepathic waitress at a diner who falls in love with one of the vampires, Bill Compton, who is played by Stephen Moyer-yeah, I don’t know who that is either. But hey-check out this giant piece of man. He plays Liam. Not that I know who that is, but apparently he’s a tattooed, sex-addicted vampire, so consider me interested.

The show’s premiere on September 7th has been prefaced with a viral marketing campaign, based at BloodCopy.com. This has included setting up multiple websites, encoding web addresses into unmarked envelopes mailed to high profile blog writers (I’ll assume my unmarked envelope got lost in the mail), a wikipedia entry collating info, and even a MySpace account (username: “Blood”) complete with video postings.

Author Harris admits that her vampire is a metaphor for minorities, and how they are perceived in society. In the show, vampires have decided to ‘come out of the coffin’ (their terminology, not mine), upon the advent of TruBlood. This is where the show seems be different from other vampire shows and movies-the focus is not on becoming a vampire, but the integration of vampires into everyday society, and the distrust and racism (mortalism?) that inevitably follows.

So…I’m pretty sure the marketing campaign is going to end up being more interesting than the actual show. Although I did learn a new word researching the show: Fangbangers–women who sleep with vampires. Loves it!

Eh, I’ll still watch it, I’m sure. But if it’s super lame, I’m gonna be pissed that it got picked up, and a second season of Moonlight didn’t.

[intr0vert’s Additional images: L.A. - click to enlarge]

The Who are being rightly worshipped by VH1 for their annual “Rock Honors” (info @ www.Rock.VH1.com) and a promotional blitz they have hooked me up with the power to reign gifts of Quadrophenic goodness upon you, the AvantTrash faithful. And for you lucky Los Angelenos there will be miles and miles of WHO shennanegins and goings on during the week of the 10-17th that you can partake of including the ceremony itself (which I unfortunately don’t have any tickets to). DETAILS AT THE END OF THIS POST.

AliUptown and I saw these unbelievable legends play a couple years ago in Omaha and we were floored by how amazing and energetic these gents still are. It was post-Entwistle, Zach Starkey was on drums and Simon Townshend on Rhythm Guitar but of course Roger Daltrey and Pete Townshend tore the roof off the place like they’ve been doing since they nearly invented the Arena Rock spectacle back in the 60’s. We caught The Stones in the same year and despite their similar *ahem* maturity, the Who defied their ages and played as if they were Live at Leeds. If you get a chance to check out these legends, we suggest you do so.

“WHO AM I?” CONTEST!

Up for grabs thanks to VH1 and Filter Magazine we have THE WHO: VH1 Rock Honors gift pack which includes:

- The Who commemorative flask

- The Who shot glasses

- VH1 Rock Honors custom t-shirt

- set-of-4 The Who guitar picks.

And all you have to do to win it is tell us “Who am I?”. Its simple, I will describe 3 characters from WHO songs in the first person and you just have to guess which song they are from. I’m not making this very hard, any Who fan should know them. Send answers to contest@avanttrash.com and you’ll be entered to win.

1. I can’t hear, I can’t talk, I can’t see. Who am I?

2. No one knows what it’s like to be me. I’m sad. Maybe even bad. Who am I?

Those were easy, but here’s the kicker:

3. I’m not old, I live on the Isle of Man. Kids can’t hurt me but they try, try, try. They ride on my head with furry donkeys. They can’t prevent me from being what I am. Who am I?

Send your answers to contest@avanttrash.com by 11:59am PST on Thur, July 10 and you’ll be registered to win. Then you can go drink like Keith Moon… well, hopefully not.

—–

LOS ANGELES EVENT INFO:

*FYI I will be attending the Steel Panther @ Keyclub and Greg Laswell CD Release show at the Hotel Cafe*

THURSDAY, JULY 10
6pm: Guitar Center Presents Sessions with Dave Mustaine (Megadeth) @ Guitar Center Hollywood
8pm: The Gutter Twins & Ed Harcourt @ The Roxy www.theroxyonsunset.com
8pm: Tribute to Sublime @ Malibu Inn www.malibu-inn.com
9pm: Supreme Being of Leisure @ Viper Room,featuring “Who Am I” mojitos www.viperroom.com
All night: The Who Karaoke Night @ Blue Goose Lounge www.myspace.com/bluegooselounge
All night: Quadrophenia Night @ Seven Grand www.sevengrand.la

MONDAY, JULY 14
Doors TBD: Indie 103.3 presents local bands @ Viper Room www.viperroom.com
8:30: Steel Panther (formerly known as Metal Skool) tribute to The Who @ Key Club www.keyclub.com

Most people I ask these days are at least vaguely familiar with either David Sedaris or his younger sister, Amy. Those who are more fans of David’s work know Amy as his crazy and wildly entertaining sister who tortured their father by wearing half a fat suit home for the holidays, co-wrote plays with him (as The Talent Family), and was his overall accomplice in playing practical jokes on their friends and family.

I knew of Amy before David, from catching her as the amoral ex-con/junkie/prostitute Jerri Blank on Strangers With Candy. I was immediately captivated by the freakshow that is Flatpoint High School, home of the Concrete Donkey. I was also amazed by how pretty Amy Sedaris is without the fatsuit/makeup/schlumpy look. The show is in the format of the beloved after-school special, each episode ending with a lesson learned, often times the wrong one. For example, in an episode about eating disorders, Jerri learns that it’s OK to be anorexic because then people will pay attention to you. In the episode “Who Wants Cake?” (possibly my favorite), after much research and advice-seeking, Jerri discerns that it’s okay to snitch on the suspected retarded girl in class, because “if provoked, she could fly into a rage with the strength of an ape and no remorse, not even a bullet could bring her down”.

Oh lawdy, this show is highly offensive and politically incorrect, which is why I watch it. No one is safe from insult, whether Jerri is writing in her “dirty Jew diary”, or constantly comparing to her Filpino friend, Orlando to a monkey (see below). The writers of SWC (Paul Dinello, Stephen Colbert, and Amy) relish in the act of Schadenfreude, pleasure felt at someone else’s misfortune-”Laughter through the tears,” in the words of Amy. Here are some of the show’s finer gems:

-”It’s unthinkable, the atrocities that the Native Americans committed against the buffalo. No one is certain what exactly the Native Americans did to the poor creatures, but whatever it was, it caused the buffalo to become so depressed, that when the white men came, the buffalo committed suicide by jumping in front of the white men’s muskets.”

-”Orlando, you can’t be a pilgrim. The pilgrims had snowy white skin to match their pure Christian souls. They didn’t sacrifice coconuts to their monkey gods.”

-”Greeks are just Jews without money!”

-”Let’s go watch some gay porn so we can get our hate back.”

-”You know, I cried when I had no shoes, until I met a man who had no feet. And then I laughed…really hard.”

One of the primary inspirations for the show, and for the main character was a 1970 documentary called “The Trip Back”, which featured a 50-year-old former junkie whore named Florrie Fisher lecturing a group of high school students about the perils of drug use. And yes, any resemblance of Fisher to Jerri Blank is intentional.

The film version premiered at Sundance in 2005, as a sort of ‘prequel’ to the TV show. The plot was sloppy, production was delayed multiple times, and the budget appeared to be teeny-weeny, but most SWC devotees (myself included) still enjoyed it.

This show was grotesquely hilarious and deliciously offensive, and its run was cut way too short. Apparently Comedy Central was disappointed with its less than South Park stellar ratings, even though it quickly built a cult following, whose fans included the likes of Janeane Garofalo, Winona Ryder, and David Cross (who all made guest appearances on the show). It’s a bit like the car crash that you can’t take your eyes off of…if the car was full of handicapped albino dwarfs that also happened to be white supremacists with eating disorders. I now leave you with these wise words…

“Packing a Musket” by Jerri Blank.

When you work from your home and johns call on the phone, you’re a call girl.

When you walk ’til you limp and give a cut to a pimp, you’re a street whore.

When they’re beggin’ you please to get down on your knees near their groinage, excusa me, but you see, don’t you touch where they pee without coinage.

When I straddle and squat, to show you my…

I miss this show.

Lawsuits, lawsuits, lawsuits. You know I love ‘em. So…apparently McDonald’s has a Happy Meal toy that wears a red hat similar to Devo’s flower-pot-looking hat in the video for “Whip It”. Obviously, the fast-food chain was ‘inspired’ by the band. Some might say a little too inspired. What clinches it is the toy’s name: New Wave Nigel. Sounds cool, right? Not to bassist Gerald Casale, who informed the Australian Associated press that they are in the midst of a lawsuit. He states that the doll is a “Devo rip-off, and the red hat is exactly the red hat that I designed, and it’s copyrighted and trademarked.” Ouch.

The Happy Meal figurine is part of an “American Idol” themed set-each doll a different music genre: Disco Dave, Country Clay, Rockin’ Riley, Soulful Selma…you get the idea. The irony was not lost on Casale that a band that satirized mass culture was now being embraced by two of the biggest fixtures of the mainstream: McDonald’s and “American Idol.”

“We don’t like McDonald’s, and we don’t like ‘American Idol,’ so we’re doubly offended.”

See the offending doll for yourself:

I found this show by way of seeing what Vincent Kartheiser was up to post-Angel. It didn’t peak my interest at first, but I kept hearing and reading good things about it, so I decided to take the plunge and download it. It’s second season debuts on AMC July 27th, and I am sorely wishing I still had DVR.

Set in an advertising agency on Madison Avenue in the 1960’s, Mad Men depicts the changing social mores of America, highlighting the rampant sexism, racial bias, and un-PC behavior of its high-level ad execs. After showing the new secretary, Peggy (Elisabeth Moss) around, Joan Holloway (office manager and my girl crush) introduces the girl to her typewriter. “It looks complicated, but the men who designed it made it simple enough for a woman to use.” Later, the new girl visits the company doctor to get a prescription for the pill. The doc puffs on a cigarette while he examines her and warns the innocent out-of-towner “Easy women don’t find husbands. Don’t think you have to go out and become the town pump just to get your money’s worth.”

Joan (Christina Hendricks) is actually my favorite character on the show (sorry Vincent), mainly because shes fucking gorgeous and sultry and curvy and a redhead. Roger Sterling, partner at Sterling/Cooper, and one of Joan’s biggest fans refers to redheads as ‘the cherry on top of a vanilla milkshake’. Hot. She is the intelligent femme fatale of the show, who thinks that Mannhattan is “everything“.

My boy Vinnie (ew, did I actually just say that?) plays Pete Campbell, a young junior executive at Sterling/Cooper. He’s the black sheep of the office, but is tolerated for his socially influential family. He sexually pursues Peggy although he legitimately wants to be a good husband, and is eager to succeed at his job. He’s the guy you love to hate to love. I am, of course, completely attracted to his misogynistic prickishness (yes I made that word up).

Series creator Matt Weiner (one of the brains behind The Sopranos) wrote the pilot script eight years ago, wanting to portray the changes in American society at the time-the capitalism and social conservatism of the Eisenhower era and the privileged executives that cared less about how good the idea was, more about how well it was sold to the client.

As interesting as the show’s social and political commentary is, the private lives of the Sterling/Cooper employees are the icing on the cake-excess is always fun to watch. Between the material wealth and complete lack of fidelity, these executives are spoiled babies, looking around at their Roman Empires, and wondering what’s missing.

Don Draper (Jon Hamm), the protagonist of the show, is a perfect example of this-he rarely seems happy with his ‘perfect life’. Although his secrets and insecurities are crippling behind closed doors, he masks it with a fearless confidence. When confronted by a beatnik, who challenges: “Perpetuating a lie? How do you sleep at night?”, Don grins and shoots back: “On a bed made out of money.”

I like the show because it’s not the glossy caricature of 1960’s America. You see the grit and the imperfections. The costumes are wicked, and I think I’m gonna check out some vintage clothing patterns, cause I wanna be Joan Holloway. I love immersing myself in a completely different world. I’m lost 1960, and I don’t wanna come back.

I knew this entire dance in middle school. The chick to Aaliyah’s right is Fatima Robinson, the choreographer. This video made me want to wear green lipstick. Man, I loved MTV then-if for no other reason than all the dancing in videos. That was ten years ago, wowza.

The song is listed as the 387th on the ‘The 500 Greatest Songs Since You Were Born‘. Whatever that means.

So my roommate and I ventured off to the Northwest Side (represent) to eat us some ribs and watch us some bands. The Republic Tigers were the first band of the day, and most people were still wandering into the area, the grills were just starting to fire up, good smells and good sounds were soon to follow. Of course, the second the music started, the sky opened up, and Heaven had a good cry. Sprinkles soon turned to tsunami rainfall within minutes. We sought shelter under the tarp where the makeshift sound booth was, while others stood in the pouring rain, their umbrellas making a laughable attempt to keep them dry. See the wetness?

Considering all the PA speakers were covered in blue tarps, and the weather was on the verge of apocalyptic, the sound quality was impressive. The band themselves rocked on, every now and then edging further and further away from the stage front to avoid the inevitable flooding. After about 15 minutes, it was deemed a lost cause and unfortunately, that was the end of the show.

They definitely have an indie-rock flair, but there’s something delicate amidst the rock. There’s a nice contrast between the soft acoustic sounds, and almost 80s-ish keyboard sounds, and that’s what made them so appealing. They definitely kept the attention of the crowd, which was everyone and anyone. They did come down and take time to meet everyone afterwards, very personable (and attractive) dudes.

I managed to stay mostly dry and have a good time. Although I can’t say much for the ribs (or the 6 dollar funnel cake), the band was definitely worth the trip. I wish they could have finished their set, or better yet, had a later time slot, and therefore a much bigger audience to impress.

*sidenote: In the picture, the two girls in the orange Republic Tigers t-shirts couldn’t have been older than 14, and absolutely gushed over the guys. It was sickeningly adorable. One of them flew into Chicago from Tallahassee to see them, after stumbling across them on XM radio a month prior. Now that’s a fan.

Here’s a quick email interview I did with the Republic Tigers before the show, questions answered by Kenn Jankowski, lead vocals/keys/guitar guy:

Avanttrash: Tell me about your influences in music.

Kenn Jankowski: We have many individual influences. But collectively, I’d say we all really love most of the “headphone” bands, like the Flaming Lips and Blonde Redhead. It’s not enough for bands to have beautiful recordings though. We mainly enjoy the ones that have obvious threads of classical influence within the chord flow and melody.

AT: What is the Kansas City music scene like? How does it differ from what you’ve seen in other cities while touring?

KJ: Massively supportive. If you don’t like our band, but you explain to me what kind of music you do like, I can introduce you to a Kansas City band that meets your demands. I see trends within cities, when we travel - it usually seems like 80% of any given city’s music all sounds similar. Where as, Kansas City has Ssion, In The Pines, Namelessnumberheadman, Deep Thinkers, The Rich Boys, Roman Numerals, Ghosty, Ad Astra Per Aspera, Be/Non, Olympic Size, Paper Cities, Beautiful Bodies, Vedera, Bacon Shoe, and American Catastrophe just to name a few.

AT: How does being from the Midwest influence your sound?

KJ: Occasional twangy pronunciation. That’s about it.

AT: Any old bands? What do you bring from those past experiences to Republic Tigers?

KJ: He who smelt it, dealt it.

AT: What’s next after Ribfest?

KJ: Finishing out the tour with Nada Surf - Indianapolis, Columbus, and Cleveland. Then we go home for a few weeks and play a benefit show in KC on June 28th at Crosstown Station. West coast touring after that. Not really sure beyond.

Moral of the story: Good guys, good music, catch them if they come to your area. Pray for sunshine.

I’ve heard that it’s nuts over at HBO right now. Total “reorganization”, firings, and lots of people jumping ship. Looking at SHOwtime’s current lineup of Californication, Dexter, This American Life, Weeds, Bullshit, The L Word and now british export Secret Diary Of A Call Girl, I can see why. With the recent finales of The Sopranos and The Wire, and Big Love MIA, I gotta wonder what HBO is doing on the sidelines? Get into the game so I have something to design!

There are hundreds of Billboards for Weeds and Secret Diary around L.A. but I didn’t even realize that the star of the latter was Billie Piper from the first two seasons of Doctor WHO (2005). Rose Tyler as a classy hooker?…sure I’ll check it out! The first 2 episodes of the british version are online right now, i suggest you do the same.

I still love you HBO. But when are you bringing back Tales from the Crypt?

I saw Priscilla Ahn at the Hotel Cafe in Hollywood for her CD Release Show tonight. She is still amazing! I will be posting a glowing review and an interview tonight. In case you want a little taste of Priscilla Ahn then set your Chin seeking TiVo tonight (Wed) and catch her performing her single “Dream” to perfection on the Tonight Show.

To celebrate her amazing CD Release, Filter Magazine has hooked me up with 2 copies of A Good Day to give away to 2 lucky AvantTrash readers. All you have to do to get one is to email me at contest[at]avanttrash.com and tell me where Ms.Ahn is from and why you want the record. HINT I’ll pick the 2 best.

Massive amounts of reviews coming soon, its been a busy week.

I’m going to call this a Weekly Trashing even though I’m not really complaining about anything. I just haven’t done one in a while. But I have something to bitch about anyway, just hold on.

I bought a nice TV recently. I’ve never owned anything besides a shitty tube TV ever. I didnt even own a television for the first year I lived here in L.A. I figured, “Why get one when I can watch everything online?” But then I got my SNES and NES sent out here (Zelda ain’t gonna save herself ya know). Be Jealous, when was the last time you played Starfox anyway? I picked it up the other day and killed the shit in 20 minutes. How  is it I can I remember where every power up is on a game I played 15 years ago but can’t remember simple things at work sometimes? *shakes fist at sky*

So part of my magical new TV in its autoprogramming glory found all of these MAGICAL digital channels. My remote has a decimal point on it! What else has been hiding from my periphery? It’s like when you find out that everyone you know orders a slice of cheese on their apple pie! Sounds crazy but its true and its as if the whole world is in on the conspiracy.

So you know I’m not totally hopeless, I’d heard of digital radio before; I just didn’t know about all of these magic channels. Some of them seem kinda JV. If only this opened TV up to Pump Up The Volume style pirate stations! But alas, we’re totally in a police state. Authorities have no heart for creativity. They want to teach you to be resourceful but once you figure out their little system they put you away. Specific example: some kids in Ontario, CA got busted recently for hacking into their schools computer system and changing their grades (WarGames?). Dude, if you’re smart enough to break your school’s security then that should be your pass from high school. What worldly knowledge to you need to know beyond that?

IT guys are loaded. Teachers make shit.

I cut the wheat from the chaff for this most recent contest by making it extra hard to anyone who hadn’t field tripped to see Shuttlecocks, Taken in a Royals Game or Rode the Orient Express (RIP) at Worlds of Fun.

The Answers were:
1. Shuttlecocks by Claes Oldenberg at the Nelson-Atkins
2. Truman Sports Complex (or Arrowhead/Kauffman Stadiums)
3. nobodies favorite American Idol winner David Cook
4. Harry S. Truman (not Roosevelt, not Eisenhauer)
BONUS: Cody Critchloe from KC’s mindblowing art punk disaster of ecstacy known as SSION.

The Winner of the Grand Prize of the Dakine Medic Messenger Bag and the Republic Tigers Keep Color CD was Rachel Farha from Mission, KS who says:

“WOW! I never win anything. Makes my morning a little better after my car was smoking and had to be taken to the shop… First saw Ssion opening for the Yeah Yeah Yeahs. Pretty freakin’ awesome. Thanks AvantTrash for giving the Republic Tigers the props they deserve. You guys rule.”

The First Prize winner of the Autographed Keep Color CD and Republic Tigers t-shirt was Michelle Hudak from Cleveland, OH! who says:

“Thanks so much, the contest was fun! I like a little brain-work with my reading. Your site is great…one of my bookmarked favs! Keep up the excellent work.”

It was good to hear from some Republic Tigers/Ssion fans who were proud of their hometown heroes.

During the course of the contest there were a few messages about how much people loved American Idol and hated David Cook along with some excellent comments from KC residents in close contact with AC/DC (which means goes both ways) with some INTERESTING stories about him. Some dropped the word “poser” and others preferred “douche”. I myself see about 20 minutes of American Idol per season and mostly just catch the traffic as I am a block from the Kodak. But i’ll tell you one thing… honky dreadlocks are a crime.

Thanks to everyone who entered and keep checking back for more contests from AvantTrash!

via the now famous pixeloo.blogspot.com:

Stewie Griffin Detooned looks like a very young Mackulay Culkin.

Wootie woo! Its time for another AvantTrash contest! This time we have teamed up with Filter Magazine to bring you into the world of The Republic Tigers! Hailing from Kansas City, the Tigers emerged from the ashes of Golden Republic and have been adding steam to their buzz train with a performance last Thursday on Letterman and an upcoming tour with Nada Surf! AliUptown herself of this very blog will be catching them June 8th at Ribfest in Chicago we suggest you do the same should they meander into your areas*.

Here is your chance to pick up their lovely new album Keep Color** as well as an awesome DAKINE Messenger Bag. This isn’t Target stuff, this is fancy bag you want to throw your iPods, Obama Buttons and Moleskine SketchBooks in and strap to your bagless vegan/indie/hipster butt.

There will be 2 winners for this contest:
- First Prize gets and autographed copy of the CD Keep Color along with a Republic Tigers T-Shirt.
- Grand Prize takes a copy of Keep Color as well as the DAKINE Medic Street Series over-the-shoulder travel bag, a favorite of The Republic Tigers. It retails for $60 if that makes you want to win it even more.

So get ready to roll up your right pant leg and ride your fixie down to the Pure Luck cause here comes the CONTEST!

The last contest was easy, this contest is an education! We want you to be smart enough to put some books into your brand new bag. The Republic Tigers hail from Kansas City, close to our old neck of the woods. And knowing what Midwest pride is all about I have decided to show you 4 pieces of Kansas City Paraphernalia (spellcheck, are you sure thats how thats supposed to look?) and all YOU have to do is NAME WHAT IS PICTURED (click to enlarge) and you’ll be entered to win! Send your answers to contest@avanttrash.com and 2 winners will be drawn and quartered at random after the contests’ end at 11:59pm PST on Sunday, June 1st. Here we go:

1. SUBJECT: ARTS & HUMANITIES

2. SUBJECT: SPORTS

3. SUBJECT: CURRENT EVENTS

4. SUBJECT: HISTORY

BONUS: THE FUTURE

Good Luck and stay tuned for reviews and photos from a long Memorial Day weekend!

—–
*Your geographic areas, not your other areas.
Republic Tigers Tour Dates:
MAY
28 Mt. Pleasant, SC - Village Tavern
29 Chapel Hill, NC - Local 506 w/The Helio Sequence
30 Athens, GA - Center Stage Theatre #
31 Jacksonville, FL - Jack Rabbits #
JUNE
1 Orlando, FL - The Social #
2 Miami, FL - Studio A #
3 St. Petersburg, FL - State Theatre #
5 Nashville, TN - Mercy Lounge #
6 Memphis, TN - TBA #
7 St. Louis, MO - Bluebird #
8 Chicago, IL - Ribfest Chicago #
9 Indianapolis, IN - The Music Mill #
10 Columbus, OH - The Basement #
11 Cleveland, OH - Beachland Ballroom & Tavern #
# w/ Nada Surf

**As heard on KCRW’s Morning Becomes Eclectic, Grey’s Anatomy, Gossip Girl and wherever modern alternative rock radio knows whats good for them.

I think Ellen should have punched that geriatric fuckhead in his puckered ferret face when she had the chance. Maybe she could have at least verbally reduced him to the sniveling, pathetic dinosaur turd that he is.

Ellen had Senator John McLiverspot on her show and the discussion of Gay Marriage inevitably came up and McDouchebag actually had the shriveled balls to maintain anything but eye contact and “respectfully disagree” with her in saying that MARRIAGE is only a contractual agreement and not real unless it is between a man and a woman. Marriage must be totally sacred for a divorced cocksucker like McCain?

This asshole makes me want to puke. You lose your war veteran sympathy when you are a prick like that. He’s the asshole who has said he wants to stay in the war for 100 years if thats what it takes. Pretty fucking pathetic when you consider that it’s been revealed that the catalyst for Vietnam was also false. This means that his friends were killed and he was tortured for NOTHING just like all of the dead soldiers in Iraq and Afghanistan fighting for this IMAGINARY “War on Terror”. I hope his bus crashes into a ditch full of AIDS.

Hillary can ride shotgun. Get a clue, bitch, we’re just not that into you.

I only watch TV one night of the week. I dont really have to watch it at all anymore thanks to Hulu. But if I’m at home, and its Sunday night then I’m watching The Simpsons, Family Guy, et all. So the worst ending to the week comes on after American Dad in the form of Los Angeles’ nightly news. In the meager 8 minutes i let FOX LA stay on in the background there were 4 violent stories, mostly involving the police and their incompetence. The best/worst one involving the Long Beach Police tasering and shooting a 125 lb. terminally ill lung cancer patient with mental illness. Of course the eyewitness testimony was completely different than the police spokesperson. It seems that the cop accidentally popped the guy tasered on the ground and the police made up a bullshit story that they guy had retard strength and withstood batons and tasers to grab a policeman’s nightstick and they had to take him down. In what fucking fantasy world are tasers ineffective? If you have muscles and nerves then they are going to fuck you up because thats what electricity does to you. Are they hiring out-of-work screenwriters as police spokesmen now?

Have you ever seen the 1988 John Carpenter classic They Live starring Rowdy Roddy Piper? It’s amazing! In the story Roddy finds these glasses that filter out what the media is telling you to its base element. For example, a Mcdonalds billboard would just say EAT or CONSUME and politicians are just telling you to OBEY. (Yes that’s where Sheperd Fairy’s mark came from…and they also see aliens in their true form). So what I see for that short period of time before I shut the tv off in disgust is that:

Your police are violent and will fucking shoot you and get paid leave and are never wrong so do what they say. Also, don’t leave the house, here are some car and food commercials. You’ll be safe if you have this car and won’t have to be a responsible driver. This fast food will make you a closer, more happy family; no home prepared meal can. Go into debt to afford things that are newer because that makes them better and that will make you a better person. Here are some tips to save a nickel or a dime off of a 3 dollar purchase as long as you don’t pay attention to how much of your income your many loan payments are. *click*

There are upwards of 17 million people in the Los Angeles-Riverside-Long Beach area. Of course crazy shit is going to happen but should I be watching a completely unbalanced “report” of it? There is no community catharsis or instructions on what you can do about having terrible public servants. There is no advice on how you can make your own community stronger. They are telling you that the viewing public doesn’t want to see that anyway. They’d show that stuff but they’d lose raitings and they’d lose sponsors. It’s bullshit and I’m not going to watch a second of it anymore, ever. I don’t see who it helps for that to be out in front of anybody if it doesn’t accomplish anything. The citizens of the Long Beach community should have beaten those officers critically with their own clubs and tasers and the anchors should have been the people to give them the order. “I don’t know about you Suzi but if some fucking redneck asshole cops killed my unarmed dying family member, I would beat the shit out of them and park their squad car on their throats.”

On top of that its been hot as fuck here. It’s summer, there are going to be a lot of crazy things happening and I know the news will only be painting a more desperate story. I know I sound like a hippie here but where is the Peace and Love, man? I though weed was legal in this motherfucker? And we can marry whomever the fuck we want! Lets fire the cops and fucking celebrate! Gah, its hot… I need a shower.

Don’t take any guff from these fucking swine.

This is a response commented on DeadLantern.com in regards to the parts of “David’s Situation” that we’d missed:

I agree the first scene was a little slow, but you should have stuck around to give an accurate review. Although, in your defense, I’m not sure I would have stayed in an adjascent room either. We got in, but arrived at 5pm to make sure we made it in for the 7pm start. It was absolutely packed and for those of us that got in we were not disappointed.

Some of what you missed: John Ennis and Zach Galifianakis in a fucking hilarious parody of “To Catch a Predator” (BJ did a great job as Chris Hanson). A second stand up set by David even better than the first. A “round table” discussion with the cast and Andy Dick who appeared in a mock video relating to the story of the episode. The mock video may have been the highlight of a great night.

Janeane Garafalo was not in the show, but was on the set with a long list of great comedy minds (Patton Oswalt, Jerry Minor, Michael Blieden, Brian Posehn were among those I saw).

Based on the reaction of the audience I can’t imagine this show will not see more episodes. Bob and David delivered as I had hoped. It was great to see them together again. Don’t judge the show by the first scene. It is not at all indicative of the show. Lump of coal? Hardly. A diamond that could use a little polishing, but a diamond none the less. If you’re a fan of Bob and David you will be a fan of David’s Situation. Anyone else see it?

So my review was premature and perhaps they saved themselves in the rest of the show. HBO doesn’t put out shitty products so I guess they know what they were doing. Sad we missed the rest, sounds a lot better than the first scene. And fuck those fucking fuckers in production that made no mention of over-booking the show, completely ABANDONED the 40 people who got left out and worst of all MADE US WAIT IN A FUCKING LINE FOR AN HOUR before all that shit happened. They should have told us we weren’t getting in within 10 minutes of our being there! For that, fuck those assholes. I’m going to pirate the shit out of this show if it makes it on the air. We probably would have stuck around had they not cut the cameras in between scenes. If we could have watched the details while they were resetting then we might have stayed a little longer. Still, fuck them for not telling us about it being overbooked. When i’d replied to the confirmation email with an angry comment the AUTO-REPLY mentioned that it would be over booked and to arrive early as opposed to the 6pm time listed. Who the fuck would that help if they had to reply to the confirmation message? Only people who had to cancel would have responded to that message. Stupid.

They overbooked the audience for the pilot taping of Bob & David’s new show “David’s Situation” so lucky you, AvantTrash is the first site to review it.

It’s not very funny, sorry. The first scene that is. Sure, pilots are messy, rough, and usually need a LOT of tweaking. In this case I think they’d need to revamp the show altogether. But this snap judgment is only in regards to the FIRST SCENE which we watched 3 TIMES via Closed Circuit TV from JUST OUTSIDE OF THE STUDIO because they overbooked the audience by about 40 people. So after waiting in line for like an hour at CBS they guide us to this craft services room with a 20-inch TV of the show being taped next door. Fucking Lame.

The show’s main angle seemed to be a 4th wall breaking mockery of sitcoms, delivered a bit half-assed with sitcom cliches that have already been parodied a hundred times. Any post-modernism intended seemed to swallowed up by it’s lack of originality. Harsh, I know but it seems to be well worn territory (remember Garry Shandling’s Sitcom?). So could this indictment be because we were bitter about not getting into the actual taping? Not really. I am a HUGE fan of Mr.Show who has sung its praises and done my part to indoctrinate everyone I know about it for more than a decade, and the only thing I could think about while leaving the studio was “my how they have fallen”.

To spoil it for you the plot of the mock sitcom is that David is done with the Hollywood life and moves to “middle America” to write for an in-flight magazine and becomes roommates with stereotypical hippie Matt Besser and a flag waving old guy played by nobody. (Bob Odenkirk is featured in a very short sidebit)

Hippie Matt: “Did you know that every time you hug someone it releases positive ions into the atmosphere?”
David: “Did you know that every time you hug a hippie you kill a practical thought?”

It had a few laughs but overall wasn’t what any of the 20 or so of us watching would call funny. The highpoint of what we saw was an intro delivered as David would in his standup where he blasts Jeremy Piven and the Hollywood Scene. “And I knew that it was too much when I saw that Jeremy Piven’s dog was wearing the same Von Dutch hat as me.” We didn’t stay for any of the other scenes (they killed the feed in between scenes and we’d already waited enough today) but outside of the studio on our way out we saw B.J. Porter, Mo Collins (featured in the first scene) and Jerry Minor. Before the show when we were parking the car we saw Janeane Garofalo walking to the studio, but can’t be sure she’s in the show or not (probably not).

Btw, David, are you done with standup? I think you are due for more. The inevitable failure of this pilot just might give him the opportunity to do so.

The scene did get a little better the more they worked through it so there is a slight possibility that with A LOT more work it could be passable but I don’t think we will be seeing a Bob & David lump of coal turned into a comedy diamond anytime soon.

co-authored by AliUptown.

AliUptown is in town from Chicago this weekend! I’m trying to give her the optimum L.A. experience. She’s having nappy time already, i tuckered her out. Last night we went to Beauty Bar (you’re so great, why are you dying?), Boardner’s (the bar side, not goth night) and finally Tiny’s (where 10 cops walked in and arrested 2 HUGE bikers from the “Mongols” MC. After they passed by I turned to AliUptown and said, “So 10 cops walk into a bar…” and the girl next to me was cool enough to say, “…right!?” and dish the High-5. It was a moment.

So far today we walked by Hollywood & Highland to see the costume freaks and Grauman’s to get our coffee (i live 2 blocks away), we went up Beachwood Cyn by the Hollywood sign, cruised half of Melrose (i finally got a haircut), and had lunch at the Village Idiot. Now its rest time because we are going to CBS in Studio City to check out the taping of the PILOT episode of “David’s Situation” by Mr.Show geniuses Bob Odenkirk and David Cross. Not sure what the plan is for later tonight; maybe Los Feliz, maybe the Strip. I think we’ll hit the beach tomorrow and Silverlake tomorrow night.

Anyone have any suggestions?

I’m having a bit of an evil week. And I think I’ve got the Beaker-Astley mashup trumped today. Ms. Piggy fucks the pain away.

What else is in the teaches of Ms. Piggy? Uh, what? Right, oh.
2 frogs for every pig.