In L.A. you are encouraged not to acknowledge a celebrity’s existence —certainly don’t say anything to them, that’s what tourists do! It’s understandable why. After all we are all human beings who wish to be rewarded for our deeds but allowed our personal freedoms including the right to peace and privacy. But I’ll have been a citizen of the The City of Angels for 3 years come Valentine’s Day (romantic I know) and I don’t give a fuck what you say, if I want to talk to someone regardless of who they are…I’m gonna. Of course even I have my rules and standards. You never, ever bother a famous person with their kids or at dinner…EVER! And I want it very clear that I’m not trying to bother anyone just because they are famous. It’s ALWAYS about WHAT they do, which is why they are famous to begin with unless they are a non-celebrity like cast members of The Hills*. I’m not going to say something unless I really have something to say. Problem is, you always think of something to say out-of-the-blue 5 minutes later. Fortunately this afternoon. I had just such a 2nd chance.

You should know that I have an EAGLE-EYE for personalities. Some people just have that “glow-of-importance” to them. Maybe I can subconsciously observe their aura. I know that sounds ridiculous.** I have no real explanation for it. When I first moved to California my inner dialog after a quick glance at someone was always, “That person looks a lot like _________.” only to realize at 2nd glance that it most likely was that person, just doing whatever. I’ve learned now to accept that it probably is that person as it proves true more likely than not.

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I may technically live in the city of Los Angeles but OFFICIALLY I am a citizen of West Hollywood, CA which has been it’s own entity since 1984. I think the city planners could forsee that LA was set for collapse or realized eventually Sarah Palin would become president and knew us freaks and wierdos would be herded into internment camps for our deviant lifestyles and decided that we should just have our own city so it would be easier to decide where to put the razor-wire fences. Honestly, I can’t see myself living anywhere else or being stuck with a better group of freaks.

Sometimes the wild nights take a couple of strange turns and the next thing you know you’re devising a way to not only destroy your liver with alcohol and your lungs with smoke but we may have collectively devised the largest timebomb you can possibly send down your gullet. I’ve already told you about The Real Sunset Strip, a show that comes live from that famous WeHo drag via USTREAM hosted by Scheff and The Hawk whom each have their own regular “narrowcast” channels. Here is a clip that was streamed live recently where the hosts along with myself and photographer Andrew Herrold took a trip to Duke’s Coffee Shop* (between The Whisky A Go-Go and The Cat Club) and had them bring to reality an epicurean idea hatched next to a “street meat” cart in front of The Roxy minutes before the stream began.

The Real Sunset Dog:
1/4lb. Hot Dog wrapped in Bacon, Dipped in Batter and fried (w/Bun).
Optional Condiment Suggestions:  Cholula Hot Sauce, Ketchup, Mustard
Estimated Calories: 700-1,000+

*Sunset Strip History: The current site of Duke’s Coffee Shop used to be a club called The London Fog, which is where The Doors had their first regular gigs in West Hollywood before becoming the house band next door at The Whisky A Go-Go. Jim Morrison in his later years would probably have eaten The Real Sunset Dog without flinching. He was The Lizard King, he would probably eat anything!

That’s all the adjectives I had room for.

Intr0vert may have reviewed Brooklyn’s dirty-glamorous Semi Precious Weapons back in November, but I wanted in on the action. So when the chance came along to interview them before their show on Lady Gaga’s Monster Ball tour, I picked my jaw up off the ground, threw some glitter on and rented a sexy Kia Spectra to get to Rosemont.

From ditching their Brooklyn apartment and hopping on a tour bus that follows my beloved Lady, their lives have been turned a bit upside-down in the past year. Lady Gaga actually opened for Semi Precious Weapons, back sometime between being Stephanie Germanotta and a 23 year old woman with her own army of Monsters.

Sitting down on the bus with SPW, I was expecting 30 minutes of me being awkward turtle while they stared at me blankly, wishing for a legit interview. To my utter amazement, it was just the opposite. Yeah, I did have four gorgeous rock stars staring at me, but to my relief it was just 6 people (including Justin’s mom for awhile) having a conversation about rock and roll, tits, blood, glitter-you know, normal stuff.

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This is a real product. They are relying on the cheekiness of the internets to let their so-fake-it’s-got-to-be-real video sell a 10 cent piece of rubber for $4.95 (but wait, you get one free!) You’re gonna see it anyway, it might as well be here.

How long until they figure out a product that they can call, “I need a blowjob!”? Maybe something that inflates balloons faster?

Maybe this will actually increase the number of handjobs…the world needs them. Real ones are free…usually.

According to Wikipedia, the 12 days of Christmas are supposed to be from Christmas Day to “The Epiphany” and not the 12 days leading up to the Holiday, but I’m pretty sure they made it all up anyway. So here at AvantTrash we are going to instead countdown our 12 favorite Holiday Memes and Videos!

Day 12 = 2002’s Ding Fries Are Done!

This dude always reminded us of our good friend and former roommate Russell.

Everybody on the planet knows that Michael Jackson died this past summer and everybody knows that he was in the middle of rehearsing for a 50 date stint in London. That tour was entitled This Is It and as the name implies, was to be the final live performances of his career. After his death, Jackson’s representatives revealed that everything, including dress rehearsals, had been filmed by the production company putting the show on. They decided to make a film as a final gesture to fans (and, no doubt, to recoup millions of dollars lost on the production itself) so everybody could see what the King of Pop had planned for his last act. I scored some tickets to the preview screening in Lincoln tonight and just got back from seeing the flick. I know you are all curious about the big question: does he look like he’s about to fall over and die, or is he the vibrant performer we all remember? Read on…

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Lookie here, a post from AliUptown! AND a post from AliUptown that’s not vampire-related. Well…mostly. For some odd reason, I started thinking about my grade school/early teen crushes the other day. Color me random. I asked a couple friends around the same age about their crushes and got some very interesting and telling answers. Tiffany Amber Thiessen, Johnathon Taylor Thomas, Tom Cruise (Top Gun Tom Cruise) and even Ben Affleck from Chasing Amy. And since I have been so fucking M.I.A. on here, I figure it was a valid enough topic. So here goes, I ‘m putting it all out on the table. I have no shame.

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I’m not exactly sure how I feel about Michael Mann’s Public Enemies. I mean, I think I know, but then suddenly I’ll feel like I don’t. Is it possible to dislike a movie, yet at the same time leave the theater feeling as though you did enjoy the hell out of it? Does that make any sense? I’ll try to work that out in my review but for context, I’m a huge fan of Michael Mann. I adore Thief and Manhunter. I slurp the greatness of Heat. I will argue vehemently that Collateral is one of the 10 best films of the decade. The Insider, Ali, and The Keep are all fantastic. I love Mann’s attention to process, procedure, and work and how he will show the most minute detail of a robbery or gunfight during the tensest of moments. I love how he can capture cities in ways we’ve never seen with his camera and how his villains are tragically flawed, yet human. In fact, pretty much the only thing I don’t like about Mann is Miami Vice. That movie was disgustingly bad. But hey, every great director is entitled to a bomb every now and then (he should also be admonished for producing the tripe known as Hancock). I can forgive Mann for Miami Vice. After all, the followup film promised Johnny Depp and Christian Bale shooting at each other with Tommy Guns. It’s got to be good, right?

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Rush Limbaugh tried to capitalize on the death of Michael Jackson by making the ridiculous statement that Michael Jackson’s success was directly related to the success of Ronald Reagan. He even went so far as to say that he “languished” under Bush 41 and Clinton and “died under Obama”. Now the stupidity of a statement like that could be dissected every which way, but I would argue strongly that Michael Jackson was never not a huge success story. And his success certainly had nothing to do with a particular president.

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My pic of the Marquee of The Viper Room (via Twitter taken on my iPhone) was reposted on the LA Times’ entertainment blog: http://latimesblogs.latimes.com/music_blog/2009/06/sunset-strip-venues-pay-tribute-to-michael-jackson.html

Earlier this summer, McG challenged Michael Bay to a Dick-Off contest to settle once and for all the question of which of the two lousy directors was compensating the least. McG was out of the gate first and single handedly destroyed the Terminator franchise. That’s a good start for McG’s chances. Unfortunately, Michael Bay came along with the eye fuck known as Terminator…er…Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen.

First, everything you’ve heard about this film doesn’t even begin to explain how fucking awful it actually is. Yes, you will see multiple shots of dogs humping each other. Because I guess that’s “funny”. Yes, you’ll then see a Transformer hump Megan Fox’s leg because that’s even funnier! It makes total sense because the same Transformer calls her “hot” earlier in the movie. I guess Megan Fox is supposed to be so attractive that even robots get off on seeing her. Yep, two Transformers (Skids and Mudflaps) not only speak in ebonics, but have large ears. One even has a gold front tooth and they like to fist bump after they call somebody a “pussy”. Sam Witwicky’s mother eats a pot brownie and decides to jump on people and act out of her mind. Exactly what pot does, I’m told. Sam goes to Transformer heaven for about 10 seconds and Megatron still looks like a total retard. All of that nonsense is in the film and it’s all even worse than what you’ve heard. But that doesn’t even begin to scratch the surface.

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If Charlie Parker Was a Gunslinger, There’d Be a Whole Lot of Dead Copycats

This has been my favorite blog for a long time now. In fact, many of the recurring segments on Deadlantern.com were patterned from stuff I saw on this site. It’s chock full of everything that AvantTrash readers would find interesting: musicians, beautiful women, artists, fashion, etc.

I encourage all of you to make it a daily visit.

And yes, Joan Blondell is the goddess. Be cultured and watch Three on a Match.

By now, everyone has learned that Barack Obama studied under Mr. Miyagi and that he brutally murdered Dr. Andre Delambre (no comment as of yet from Vincent Price’s corpse). God damn, what they say about Chicago politicians being brutal ain’t no lie. Considering the fact that Colbert has been having a nightly segment dedicated to parodying the incident entitled “Murder in the White House” (Jeff Goldblum was on the other night to vomit and then suck up his 2 cents) there’s not much more I can add comedy wise to the situation. However, the best thing about Ninjabama’s actions was PETA getting up in arms about it.

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Vicki Blue was a bass player in the teen rock band The Runaways. She got the gig after Jackie Fox, the previous bass player, had a nervous breakdown and cut herself with glass after her bass broke. Fast forward 30 years and the now “respectable” Victory Tischler-Blue puts together a documentary about the band which is mostly notable for giving the world Joan Jett and Lita Ford. I knew pretty much nothing about the Runaways going into this documentary. Was I illuminated? Did a teenage Joan Jett give me a hard on?

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I’m not big into video games and was a little skeptical when I heard they were making a Beatles version of Rock Band but I have to say I’m pretty impressed. The video above is just a trailer and not actual game play. You can view that video here.

Magic Wands is an indie/electronic duo out of Nashville TN. Their debut EP Magic Love & Dreams comes out May 25th on Bright Antenna. Here’s an mp3 of their first single “Black Magic“. If you dig it then you should definitely pick up the Magic Love & Dreams EP.

Want to win it? You’ve come to the right place! Thanks to our friends at Filter Magazine we have a copy of the EP as well as an AUTOGRAPHED Magic Wands T-Shirt to give away.

All you have to do is answer these 4 questions below that relate to Nashville. We’ll randomly pick a winner from the correct answers! Email your answers to contest@avanttrash.com. US RESIDENTS ONLY! Ready? Here we go:

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Legalize Shrooms