via the now famous pixeloo.blogspot.com:

Stewie Griffin Detooned looks like a very young Mackulay Culkin.

Because I live where I live, sometimes I randomly catch some awesome events. Tonight for example at the Chinese Theatre I saw a shot-for-shot remake of Raiders of the Lost Ark done over 7 years in the mid-80’s by a couple of kids in Mississippi (max age 17ish). Presented by Eli Roth (as in, he was there and talking at length about this film’s journey) Raiders of the Lost Ark: The Adaptation was kitsch gold. I wished that all of the Dead Lantern/Grand Horror crew was there to see this DIY masterpiece. It probably won’t ever make it to DVD because of the obvious copyright restrictions but it has been making the indie-theatre circuit for 5 years with the blessing of Mr. Roth who hooked the filmmakers up with a renewed career in film and even a meeting with Stephen Speilberg himself.

Spinning from this amazing backstory is a Daniel Clowes (Ghost World) screenplay and Paramount project in the works based on the kids who made it (now in their late 30s).

When I get to catch things like this, it’s pretty fucking rad to live here.

So with the detoonings of Mario, Homer, and Jessica Rabbit by Pixeloo, its about time someone else got involved. But as opposed to a photorealistic rendering, Essenmitsosse throws down more of a photo-esque re-tooning of Mario’s reptilian nemesis. Click the image and be magically transported down the green tube to see and read more.

Show of hands, how many people expect “Speed Racer” to suck? Come on, be honest, I read message boards, I’ve heard your podcast, you aren’t thrilled at all, are you? The print campaign with the cars on the track is messy and the trailer was lukewarm. It’s not nearly the campaign of say, Iron Man, which is already a sure thing summer blockbuster to be. But maybe all of this bad publicity could have let you down again; because there may be a lot of very satisfied uber-nerds on May 9th when the Wachowski brothers’ “Speed Racer” live-action living comic book candy fireball sensory orgy hits theatres. I expected to be underwhelmed by this movie, writing it off as effects laden fluff but I might have found a bit more in it than the rest of the public.

The story is sparse and plays 2nd fiddle to the technically awe-inspiring visual effects, but I should hope you didn’t expect a repeat of the depth of the Matrix from this Manga-to-Anime-to-Live Action film. I appreciated that the storytelling was delivered at times in a liquid form with visuals co-mingling with the narrators as the timelines wrapped and coiled into themselves. The film centers around the Racer family: Pops, played by John Goodman - a racecar builder devoted to his family; His wife, referred to only as Mom, played with beautiful sentiment by Susan Sarandon; Rex, the eldest brother who dies in a shady racing accident; Emile Hirsch’s Speed, the prodigal son; Christina Ricci as Trixie, Speed’s love interest and best friend; and of course the comic relief, Speed’s Kid Brother Spritle and his monkey Chim-Chim. During the story Speed shuns the corporate sponsors who have corrupted racing to stay in business with his family and has to race to save their reputation and the very sport of racing.

Casting was spot on as the actors held this movie together wonderfully through the effects. The females that I saw this movie with admitted to misting up during a scene between Sarandon and Hirsch. Christina Ricci seemed to get hotter in the grimier moments of the film and although the dialogue like everything else becomes saccharine to the point of aspartame, the perfomances are true and warm. Adding emotion to a primarily green screen movie can’t be an easy task but each of the characters indeed has their opportunity to shine. And Oh how this movie shines. Us designers had conferred that the movie was more of an animated film than live action. Stylistically the exact polar opposite of Who Framed Roger Rabbit?

I mentioned that this movie is eye candy right? Can I maybe repeat that a thousand more times? Maybe thats not decadent or bright enough to describe its seizure-inducing effects and Japanese inspired hyper surrealism. Think of having neon injected straight into your brain through your eyeballs. Maybe if you just lined your skill with an OLED TV above your Pineal gland. You know that feeling the morning after you’ve been tripping balls and know you are still kinda tripping because stuff is still kinda melty and the walls are still breathing a little bit? I kinda got a little of that going right now after seeing “Speed Racer” this afternoon. This is the exact movie that IMAX was made for. Not so coincidentally, it will be released in said format as well. I recommend that venue but only if you want your brain to turn to a happy pile of overstimulated nerd mush.

My proper introduction to Speed Racer happened sometime around 1996 when a pre-Adult Swim Cartoon Network had a sort of marathon one stormy Saturday night. I’d only seen a couple scattered episodes but when I sat down in front of the TV that night I expected to see 1 episode but what happened was them showing literally hours and hours of the show, in sequence and seemingly without commercial interruption. I was pretty immersed in the story. And what I saw today was a pretty faithful translation of that. Sure the characters are simple, sure the production designers have blown everything out of proportions; but you will learn within the first 10 minutes of this movie is that the filmmakers consciously decided that if they were going to make an over-the-top living cartoon, then the only way to do it is to go WAAAAAAAY over the top. There are some disgustingly kiddie moments in this film. I have an aversion to the use of chimps in films anyway but to summarize (like i never do), there was monkey poo. And unfortunately it was in the middle of a pretty good 60’s Batman style “Bank! Crash! Ka-Pow!” fight scene.

Assuredly there will be doomsayers next week saying the movie is “unfocused”, “simple” and “confused about it’s demographic” but it’s just because most film reviewers think they should squash a movie that doesn’t appeal to them, well, news flash, IT’S PROBABLY JUST NOT FOR THEM! This isn’t a movie that you have to bring any more of your brain to than the part that WANTS TO HAVE FUN …And maybe the part that controls bladder function, cause this movie is 2 hours long and there aren’t many places you can safely wizz without missing something.

Some people have said that they are put off by the video game-like graphics of the trailers, well then maybe you won’t like the movie. But there is a much better chance that you will get totally sucked in by the ultra-saturated seizure inducting shininess of this movie that simply never lets up. Half of this film is on par in action with the Pod Race scene in Episode 1 with the inevitable final race that will surely rival its excitement. Remember how you gasped the first time you saw the 18 Wheeler-collision scene in the Matrix Reloaded? There are a couple of those moments in this movie for sure. And isn’t that what an overblown summer blockbuster is all about?

On the DeadLantern.com 10 point rating scale I give “Speed Racer” a 7.5 overall with a 9.75 for the effects.

I’m having a bit of an evil week. And I think I’ve got the Beaker-Astley mashup trumped today. Ms. Piggy fucks the pain away.

What else is in the teaches of Ms. Piggy? Uh, what? Right, oh.
2 frogs for every pig.

The dude who runs pixeloo says untooned but I guess being around music forever makes me think that someone saying untuned is just trying to say detuned. So the 3rd in his series after Mario and Homer is Jessica Rabbit. I already know 2 girls in L.A. who, minus the disproportionately large tits, look exactly like Jessica Rabbit. I think he should have done a full body shot in this case. The people commenting on his site seem to think that Stewie from Family Guy is his next victim. I think he should do something a bit more expressive, like someone evil.

And perhaps a bit more interesting is watching him do it. Can you imagine having to work on photoshop like that everyday for like 10 hours? Man that would be hell…oh wait.

My favorite Post is Raisin Bran -wait! I take it back! I love Grape-Nuts. I like how deceptive they are. If they could talk (and to me they do) they would say, “I have it all figured out: I can call myself whatever the fuck I want to and it doesn’t matter. I know I kick ass, You know I kick ass. I’m simple, crunchy, and so full of fiber you can build a sod house out of tomorrows duke.” Also, they are expensive; but I think this is only to remind you that they are classy. “You want the good shit? Then you’re gonna have to pay good money for it,” they say. Except this one time I scored the huge box of Grape Nuts for like 2 bucks at Ralphs-woops, I mean Russ’. Shit, been in CA too long. Its all the same, Red Circular Logo, value card. Hmm, kinda like… Post (minus the value card). Ok I figured it out. Post/Ralph’s/Russ’s = The Illuminati / TheFreemasons / OpusDei / Scientology / Skull&Bones / GirlScouts. Conspiracy Theory solved. And it only took 100 posts. You know Russ’s is evil, just look at all of those ss’s. They speak Parseltongue there ya know.

That 2 dollar box of grape nuts lasted me through 3 gallons of milk and for the spring of 2006, I was a force to be reckoned with. Thanks to Grape-nuts. Why the hyphen? “Thats right, I’ve got a hyphen, jealous? what the fuck are you going to do about it?!”

Maybe Grape-Nuts is actually a last name? Like when families of distinction marry and want to carry on both names, cause like I said… classy. Unlike the Corn Crackos (sounds like Grand Island). They’ve got an addiction. The box even says, “Free Sample”. Because the first time is always free, kiddies.

Someone call the ASPCA. Here’s some partially-NSFW Erotic Falconry.

I’d previously posted this guy’s “Real Mario” image. Well he’s not done creeping-us-the-fuck-out. Click the gif and behold a full size and fully “Tell ‘em Large Marge sent ya“-esque rendering of Homer J. Simpson.

To fill a bit of space in this post I would just like to say that I’ve been going to SouthParkStudios.com all week and watching old episodes that I have missed in the absence of cable and this show is still a consistent source of insight and offensive, disgusting humor. Watching this show without *bleeps* is changing my life for the better. Aside from the commercials it seems that all is right with the universe.

Except this guy is probably going to make all the South Park kids real next and ruin that too. Jerk.

Good Concept, Bad Execution. But props for the idea.

Black is the New Black, Bitch!

via [this place]

Don’t forget about Hamlet’s Barack Obey-ma Edit.

via LiveJournal

As a man of the beard, i give kudos.

…is Acid. It’s the fucking truth. If you’ve been there then you know and if you don’t then its just too bad you didn’t get to rub your brain up against God’s beard like we did. I’m sure you weren’t doing anything better with your early 20’s when it would have been the best time for you to do it, too. But it’s never too late, you should go get some now. Its a lovely day after all. And it’s like my good friend A*** said, “It’s funny that they are all over at the church learning about God, when we’re over here experiencing it.”

Here is an amazing comic about LSD in the style of Jack T. Chick Publications which have scientifically* been proven as the most reasonable and effective manner to indoctrinate someone on the dangers of indulging in anything ever. What better way to teach people that they are hellbound than with a poorly drawn comic you pick up randomly off the sidewalk or haphazardly placed upon bags of dog food in grocery stores. I used to work graveyard shift at a grocery store and would find these all the time. I tried to collect them all. My favorite is still about shriners and freemasons worshipping the devil and fezzes being red because they were dipped in the flowing blood of christians.

I’ve never heard a real argument against LSD. Theres the bullshit about people jumping off of balconies because they thought they could fly. Well maybe they subconciously wanted to commit suicide anyway? Besides, nobody can prove that ever happened. There are quite a few cases that prove Alcohol to be a factor in people falling off buldings and balconies at colleges all around the country. The other thing people say is that “you’ll go crazy”, yeah maybe if you eat a whole sheet of it. As if you couldn’t die from drinking a whole bottle of Everclear.

Having a good experience is all about set and setting. If you do the proper dose and take it with knowlegable people that you love and trust with your life in a safe and comfortable environment then you’ll have one of the best, most memorable experiences of your life. You will see the true beauty of your life and the world around you, you will hear music with your entire body, you will see how meaningless the bullshit you surround yourself with really is (your job, your debts, your pointless fears). And it will be a hell of a lot more REAL than a trip to Disneyland.** Want more info? Consult the end all, be all of drug experimentation safety sites that is Erowid.org.

Have a good conversation with your cat everybody!

*science has been scientifically been proven the fastest way to hell according to Jack T. Chick.
** please don’t mix LSD with Disneyland or any other public expositions.

… is Justice.

I don’t know if ALL of these graphics correspond to 80’s identity animations but I figured out about 10-15 of them. Sweet shit. It’s too bad that Justice only DJ’s (from what I can tell they never actually “perform” live.) This is based on friends seeing them play in shitholes like the Viper Room and at soggy festivals. DJ set only? Really? Hey frogs, pick up a keyboard or a robot suit, then we’ll talk. Wheres the Justice in the music world?

Here’s a video that I found with many of the source identities.

[via Core77]

Jesus visited me in the night and left chocolate eggs in Zero’s litter box. So here is my easter treat to you! A photo from 2005 from when AliUptown and I found a bunch of Zyklon-Bunnies behind an army reserve building. They had all died within 10 feet of each other and didn’t have a mark on them. We fear now that they were victims of CIA waterboarding. Hey Jesus, when will it end?

I also have to share this video I found via electro^plankton.

I have a TV now! Although I shant hardly use it for anything besides movies, the occasional awards show or 30 rock episode it is already performing its prime directive… powering my Nintendo lust. Through sheer coincidence or possibly Nintendo’s overwhelming dominance of modern pop culture I stumbled across a new site today called The Tanooki. I unfortunately had a lonely enough childhood to know that the Tanooki is Mario’s Adorable Raccoon suit from SMB3. This site is an obsessive tribute to all things Nintendo where I found such gems as a frightening, lifelike rendering of Mario and a NES harmonica (you know, cause you blow into it).

Now if you’ll excuse me I have some mushrooms to eat and some tiny dinosaurs to ride.

I made that one up. And its reason enough that I only took 1 math class in College(unless you count beginning Computer Science). There is a Flickr collection of flowcharts, Venn Diagrams, Bar Graphs and Pie charts of the narratives from rock songs. Some of them are quite amazing. Some of them made me notice that am in not in touch with much of modern hip-hop. It also reminded me how many math classes I spent drawing band names on my notebooks.

Hi, my name is Ali and I have a vampire problem.

Now that I got that out of the way, I can nerd out. In a new issue of the “Buffy the Vampire Slayer” comic book” series, Buffy sleeps with a fellow slayer. Hot shit. But alas, the hot, ass-kicking blonde is not officially joining the other team. According to Joss Whedon, Buffyverse creator-

“We’re not going to make her gay, nor are we going to take the next 50 issues explaining that she’s not. She’s young and experimenting, and did I mention open-minded?”

Besides, anyone who knows anything about BTVS (cue the chirping crickets), knows that Willow is the token carpet muncher. Can’t wait for some male vamps to gay it up.

Sorry, the only picture I could find of the actual lesbo action was on Perez. But you nerds can buy the comics through Dark Horse, or Amazon, whatev. Or you could just go to Borders and drool over it there. I swear, this shit is like porn for me.

OMGz. I need to stop clicking on this site. Whenever I do I get trapped in it’s never-ending web of eyegasming art images and ephemera.

The site works by its users bookmarking images they dig on the web and adds them to their list of photos on FFFFound. Im just trying to fill space so that the link on the right doesn’t spill over into the post under this one. Since I am just spouting off random words then I might as well tell you that I started a forum on this site. Under the header where it says FORUM, yeah, click that and start posting. Post whatever, i praise wierdness.

This Sheperd Fairy reimagining comes courtesy of my co-worker Hamlet K. I changed my party affiliation for the California Primary and will shortly return it to Independent for the General election where I will hopefully again cast my vote for Obama. (click for full size)

I got really scared a couple years ago when I heard that Hillary was thinking of running for president. It didn’t scare me that she would be president. What frightened me is when a friend said, “You realize of course that this would mean that since 1988 our presidents have been Bush, Clinton, Bush and Clinton”. That would be a minimum of 24 years under 2 names. Sounds pretty much like a dictatorship to me. I’m ready for a brother to shake up the honkies in Washington.