The subject/content of this post has completely been revised since my first draft. We are doing some remodeling at my jobbie, and I have been in charge of and largely responsible for getting shit done, moved, boxed…this past week has been hellish hard work and I was SO looking forward to my relaxing day off. But low and behold, I am a lowly ant, and somewhere out there, there’s a big mean kid with a magnifying glass trying to burn my feelers off.

A few days ago, I told this story to my co-workers, and we all joked and shit. So…I lost my car key a couple weeks ago. Conveniently, my brother had a spare, and I was able to retrieve it when I went home for Christmas. Last week, these 3 kids came up to me and said they’d found my original key. I was very thankful that they’d attempted to seek me out and return my key, until they asked me for a reward. When I gave them the pitiful 2 bucks I had on me (I am not a cash person), they asked me to go to an ATM. I am not joking. Well, apparently, they weren’t either, because they smashed 3 (count them, 3) of my car windows. Because I totally had a spare thousand bucks I didn’t know what to do with. Now I do, thank you hoodlums of Humboldt Park!

I’m trying to take what my parents said to heart, that it could have been worse, that I am lucky they didn’t hurt me or anything, but the fact remains that this fucking sucks. The same damn shit happened to me August before last, and I am still dealing with the legal bullshit of that nightmare. This time, the cops didn’t even come out. They just filed a report over the phone and…that’s it.

I’m pissed off that those piece of shit punks are making me dislike Chicago. Well, maybe not Chicago, but definitely my neighborhood. I’m not saying that something like that would never happen in Nebraska, but it probably wouldn’t happen to me. Definitely not twice. I cannot wait to move in April. It’s a bit early for a countdown, but there you have it. I get to get up early tomorrow to drive my car to the glass repair place before work, charge a thousand dollars on a credit card (yay debt!), and hope that those futureless fucks consider us even and leave me and my new car windows alone from now on.

So the point of this rant was twofold: The first of course, to get that shit off my chest because there is not another damn thing I can do about my situation, but also, to post a few things that have amused me today, that have gotten my mind off my trashed car temporarily, and hopefully they will amuse you too.

Burger King Chips: Really? Ketchup and French Fry flavored? My ass is jiggling more just looking at this picture.

Since fries are made out of the same thing as potato chips, wouldn’t they basically be just ketchup flavored chips-which, coincidentally, I have seen in a Southside Chicago gas station. Reminds me of an ex-coworker, who had cravings for potato chips covered in hot sauce and ketchup when she was pregnant. Ews.

I found these beauties at Viral Nerd today. At $19 they are the coolest, most expensive fridge magnets I’ve seen thus far. They are certainly a step or two up from those novelty fake-bullet hole decals. I can’t say I plan on buying any in the near future, but if I stumbled upon some, I would definitely stick them to my fridge. Or car. Maybe then those jackoff kids would think, “Wow man, she’s got ninjas after her. She’s got enough problems.” Maybe I should buy some real throwing stars and fling one at each of their criminal skulls. Hm….

I found this nifty piece of design at Core77. Why yes, I do hate carrying purses, especially when I go out. I prefer a minimalist approach to my carry-on items at a bar, and I’ve found that the vast majority of clutches do not fit much anyway, so I usually stick to my lipgloss/phone/camera/keys/cards formula. But this is a pretty clever idea-except I don’t wear belts. I’m not sure I even own one. Damnit.

However, I am convinced that if I did wear belts (cause this girl looks cool…right?), this would be the perfect thing for me. As long as I didn’t look like a tool whipping my I.D. out of my belt buckle at the door. Especially since it’s a Nebraska I.D. I don’t want people to think it’s a hick thing…okay, nevermind.

The other thing that made me feel better today was The Office. Yes, the US version. Yes, I know some poophead is going to post a comment about how the UK version is far superior, and yes, it will probably be my co-author. I felt the same way, until I sat down and watched the US version. Apples and bananas-two very different shows. I like them both. So there.

Those Dunder/Mifflin people and their shenanigans (cheeky and fun shenanigans) get me everytime. I know 2 videos is overkill, but I couldn’t decide between a ‘Greatest Hits’ of Jim’s best pranks on Dwight, or the episode about bats and vampires (directed by Joss Whedon, people).

Sooooo…my sleeping pills should kick in any moment now. I’m gonna wrap up this craziness and hopefully sleep halfway decent. Goodnight everyone, pray that my car doesn’t get fucked up anymore, that it doesn’t rain or snow in my car tonight, and that we can eek our way out of our lease somehow. Okay, so that probably won’t happen, but damn, would that be awesome. Maybe that’s what I’ll dream about tonight…peace.

Tags: Burger King Chips, crime in Chicago, Humboldt Park, Purse Belt Buckle, The Office, Throwing Star Magnets, vandalism

This entry was posted on Monday, January 5th, 2009 at 10:32 pm and is filed under Chicago, Nebraska, Personal, Pop culture, Stupid. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.