Agyness Deyn. My new obsession. She is the most beautiful thing on the runways these days, and she is a much welcomed precursor of the return of the supermodel.
She’s younger than me, and she’s already the shit in Britain and the States. Most notably, the face of Armani and Burberry. To dig a little deeper, a mainstay in House of Holland and Gareth Pugh shows (google them-please). Her own personal style has been described as ‘Jackie O. crossed with Debbie Harry meets Stevie Nicks’, but whether onstage or backstage, she looks fierce in anything.
A few years ago (at a whopping size 4) she was told she needed to lose weight at castings in Italy. Now she’s being nonchalantly referred to as the next Kate Moss-minus the rusty pipes. In all fairness, the bitch does have curves-for a model. Last November, she won ‘Model of the Year’ at the British fashion awards, and shes opened and closed dozens of shows in New York, London, Milan, and Paris this year (I tried to count them all on style.com, it took too long).
Also, she plays guitar in a band (Lucky Knitwear), designs jewelry (for House of Holland), guest DJs at Misshapes, and dates a musician (Josh Hubbard of The Paddingtons). Are you in love with her yet?
Oh man. Its been a really wierd week at work. We have a bunch of big projects coming up and the studios have been pushing back production dates so I haven’t designed anything all week! I always thought it would be an awesome job to do nothing but thats only if I could leave the office and enjoy these beautiful California days!
What I have actually been doing is researching dvd box sets because next week we will be working on concepts for the packaging of The Complete Series of THE WIRE. My brain is fried. I’ve imagined a few really good comps and some questionable ones but what we are basically hoping for is something as brilliant as the packaging for Six Feet Under.
Do you see that brilliant shit!? Its a grave, underground! Astroturf! An Itty Bitty Headstone! DAMN! So yeah, we have some work to be done. We worked on some concepts for the Sopranos Box Set a couple months ago… but we didn’t get the contract. Then again. They wouldn’t listen to my ideas of either just putting the gun from the Title Treatment on the cover (really big) - OR - my favorite idea which was putting the whole thing into a coffin. I guess it was kinda close to the six feet under idea and a little bit like season 2 of Deadwood but then again, the Sopranos came first, and those two ideas seemed to work. So whatever, don’t listen to me.
Pretty soon I will post a short list of the best packaging that i’ve come across in my research this week. In the meanwhile, I will be watching even more of The Wire. Last night I jumped ahead and watched one of the episodes that HASN’T EVEN AIRED YET! It kinda spoiled a couple surprises for me with the 5th season but not too badly. I keep telling myself that this is actually a perk of the job (one of very few). If you haven’t seen this show then you are definitely missing out. Season 5 comes to DVD this summer. I could show you what it looks like, but assumedly HBO would have me killed. And I rather enjoy designing their DVDs. Its actually the one thing that I feel I’ve really achieved. And it kinda makes me feel like I pulled a fast one over on them. Sometimes I feel like I still don’t know shit.
For your HBO viewing amusement, here is Ask A Ninja’s ode to some of the shows that we’ve been working on the designs for:
One day, I will be dead. But it’s ok because you will be dead, too. And our perfect black kitties will be dead, and our Moms will be dead, and if we have kids, they will be mean little bastards …and then they’ll die. And thankfully everyone named George Bush will be dead as well. Unless they find their way into a deep space hyperbolic chamber like Ripley from Aliens and find a new Earth (which there are apparently tons of!)
Thats all fine with me because the Sun is going to eat us alive. We only have maybe 7.6 billion years left until this happens. So you might as well cash in your savings bonds now.
Please give welcome and take note of the 2nd author of AvantTrash. AliUptown is a lovely Latino-American (more on the soft taco side) who holds a BS degree (thats a Bachelor of Science) in Fashion. She is currently the Queen of all things Chicago where she lives, loves, and commutes the windy city with fingernails that shine like justice and eyes that burn like cigarettes.
If you come visit me in Chicago, I’ll probably feel obligated to take you for some classic deep-dish Chicago style pizza. But if you care about me at all, you’ll let me skip over the typical touristy crap, and take you straight to Kuma’s. The name may be Japanese, but this place is straight up American comfort food. Actually, the word ‘Kuma’ means ‘bear’ in Japan, which is where the spot’s namesake (the restaurant owner’s 8 year-old Akita) originated.
Kuma’s Corner is a dark, cozy, cave-like place, with an atmosphere that made a freak like me feel right at home the minute I first walked in. There where paintings of half-naked women with top hats and whips, the Blues Brothers movie was playing on the flat screens, and of course, heavy metal music was booming over the speakers.
Oh yeah, did I mention, every burger (giant, 1/2 pound monsters that would make a vegetarian tremble and weep at the sight of them) is named after a heavy metal band? That’s right, you can have an Iron Maiden, a Judas Priest, or even a Goblin Cock (if you dare). My first time, I had the Black Sabbath-blackening spice, chili, pepper jack, and red onion on a pretzel bread bun. It was a veritable meat party in my mouth (interpret that however you wish). ‘Multiple orgasms of the mouth’, I believe was my comment to my roommate. I didn’t even want to wash my hands when I got home, they smelled so heavenly. We’ve made a vow to never get the same thing twice, until we can check them all off the list.
This place is definitely packed on the weekends, or after any local metal or punk show in the area, but it is always worth the wait. In the summer, they have outdoor seating, and if you get bored waiting for a table (which I doubt is possible), chill at the bar and order a drink (I recommend the Mother Puncher or the Angel of Death).
Long story short, if you happen to be in Chicago, do yourself a favor and forget about Gino’s or Giordano’s. Get on a Belmont bus and hit up Kuma’s. And bring me with. It’ll knock your dick in the dirt.
Totally better than Sarah Silverman fucking Matt Damon. Featuring Brad Pitt, Robin Williams, Don Cheadle, Meatloaf, Joan Jett, Cameron Diaz, Perry Farrell, Huey Lewis, McLovin, Harrison Ford and Some Worthless Nobodies.
This Sheperd Fairy reimagining comes courtesy of my co-worker Hamlet K. I changed my party affiliation for the California Primary and will shortly return it to Independent for the General election where I will hopefully again cast my vote for Obama. (click for full size)
I got really scared a couple years ago when I heard that Hillary was thinking of running for president. It didn’t scare me that she would be president. What frightened me is when a friend said, “You realize of course that this would mean that since 1988 our presidents have been Bush, Clinton, Bush and Clinton”. That would be a minimum of 24 years under 2 names. Sounds pretty much like a dictatorship to me. I’m ready for a brother to shake up the honkies in Washington.
Well i’ve been told that I did pretty well on my predictions. I only wish that I was 2 blocks away from here figuring out where the real after party is. I killed a bottle of 2 Buck Chuck Chardonnay tonight watching what the booze is telling me is the best/most multicultural Oscars in a long time. Good Show, how good was Jon Stewart. Take that MTV for cancelling his show! (seelast week’s Trashing). Answers in Green mean I was fucking right. And apparently now an Orange ribbon means to close Gitmo. A black ribbon should mean “Lets hang this administration by their own small intestines”. I’m wearing that one right now.
SO LETS SEE HOW GOOD I AM!
Performance by an actor in a leading role
Daniel Day-Lewis in “There Will Be Blood” -I got this one right. No competition though really.
Performance by an actor in a supporting role
Javier Bardem in “No Country for Old Men”-Correcto. Vato Bueno. El Creep-o Haircutto.
Performance by an actress in a leading role
I guess you can’t trust an instinct that came from an R-Rated dream. Sorry Laura Linney.
Performance by an actress in a supporting role
I had Cate Blanchette pegged for the consulation prize of best supporting but Tilta Swinton grabbed the award for best creepily thin british woman playing an american this year.
Best animated feature film of the year
“Ratatouille” -Correct again. Sorry Aqua Teens.
Achievement in art direction
Sweeney Todd took it. I had the Golden Compass. I didn’t see the film, I’m guessing it had creepy Tim Burton-esque things.
Achievement in cinematography
“There Will Be Blood”- Correct.
Achievement in costume design
“Elizabeth: in the Golden Age”- How silly of me.
Achievement in directing
“No Country for Old Men” -I’m going to use my parents distain as the mile marker in any good film. They told me that they saw Fool’s Gold over Juno this weekend.
Best documentary feature
I kinda knew that “Taxi to the Dark Side” would take it but I figured that 4 movies about war and Iraq and one about healthcare that the dark horse would win. But the dark horse couldn’t afford his health insurance and had to be put down.
Achievement in film editing
Stupid Bourne Ultimatum.
Best foreign language film of the year
“The Counterfeiters” Austria -Good Posters, Trust your graphic designer.
Achievement in makeup
So making an attractive French Woman look like an attractive French woman is apparently harder than making a man with tentacles for a beard.
Achievement in music written for motion pictures (Original score)
“Atonement” Dario Marianelli -Yeah, typewriters should be in every emo band too.
Achievement in music written for motion pictures (Original song)
“Falling Slowly” from “Once” Music and Lyric by Glen Hansard and: Marketa Irglova -I only listened to 30 seconds of that song and I pegged it for best. Too bad the music industry is dead or i’d have an A&R career.
Best motion picture of the year
“No Country for Old Men” A Scott Rudin/Mike Zoss Production: Scott Rudin, Ethan Coen and Joel Coen, Producers -Hooray for Snuff Films!
Achievement in sound editing
Curse you Matt Damon for taking another win from the Transformers!
Achievement in visual effects
Melodie thinks that this might help convince them to make another Golden Compass movie. I hope so, too.
Adapted screenplay
No Country Grabbed this one too. I kinda think at this point that P.T. Anderson got the shaft tonight. No love for the valley.
Original screenplay
“Juno”, Written by Diablo Cody -I’m actually really tired of all the attention that has been brought to her being a stripper. It was in Minnesota, she was still wearing a parka, so it’s not the same thing. But I’m glad I was right about this one too. But now there is so much more pressure for her to follow it up really big. I don’t wish that upon anyone.
I knew it would be a big day for the Coen Bros. And they totally deserve it. I did pretty well and I hope I won my office pool (I already won the Super Bowl pool on blind luck). I know I really rip into some stuff and seem really bitter but I think tonights Oscars were the best I’ve seen in a long fucking time. Maybe next year I’ll get to go to some parties. You can email me if you have the hook up.
This neighborhood is on LOCKDOWN. The Goodyear blimp is overhead. 3 Helicopters are circling. Every 10 mins i hear a group of people screaming. It could be a war, but it’s just the Oscars.
I had to walk down to the street to check it out and its mostly Latinos rubbernecking with their very small children at risk of being stepped on like so many chihuahua. And the “God Hates Fags” assholes from the Westboro Baptist Church are here. They have a sign that says “Heath in Hell” to accompany their “Thank God for Dead Soldiers”. If one walks past me in front of my apartment and the cops aren’t in sight then I’m going to beat them and leave them for dead, and God will thank me for it. Some lovely people were protesting them, and I gave them my thanks. Have a lovely day of make believe.
First off some people have told me that the comments aren’t working for them, if this happens to you let me know as I’m trying to figure it all out.
I can see the Kodak Theatre from where I am sitting right now, no really. When I say I live in Hollywood, I mean I live in the dirty old part of Hollywood with all of the tourists and the places to buy stripper boots and $10 cheeseburgers that don’t come with fries. Well, come tomorrow this will be the epicenter of the Hollywood hoohah of the Academy Awards. I think a lot of award shows are BS, especially people’s choice awards. As if all the money they got from being the most popular thing out there wasn’t enough, they need an award for it too? WTF?! And the people who participate in those things never notice when humanitarian awards are given out, oh what a sad state of affairs. So anyway, this post is about the Oscars! Although film is an art form and art is subjective and probably shouldn’t be judged, i still watch them anyway. So i guess i’m a hypocrite. Well, here are my Oscar Picks -enhanced with smartassery commentary.
Performance by an actor in a leading role
Daniel Day-Lewis in “There Will Be Blood” -I drink your milkshake! *Sschluuuuurp* I drink it up!
Performance by an actor in a supporting role
Javier Bardem in “No Country for Old Men”-What’s the most you’ve ever lost in a coin toss?
Performance by an actress in a leading role
Laura Linney in “The Savages” -I picked Julie Christie before even though I hadn’t seen her movie but she was the favorite but I had a really inappropriate dream about Laura Linney last night so I’m changing my answer. Did you see Primal Fear? That movie is chronic.
Performance by an actress in a supporting role
Cate Blanchett in “I’m Not There” -She does a better Dylan than Dylan. I think SHE should go on tour and play his songs. He sure as hell can’t.
Best animated feature film of the year
“Ratatouille” -I must be the only person who didn’t see this film. But i’ve heard its good.
Achievement in art direction
“The Golden Compass” -Too bad there won’t be a sequel. These books are rad and kill god! I think the movie failed because they chopped off the ending which was the whole point of the fucking story. Dumbass studio douches.
Achievement in cinematography
“There Will Be Blood” -There was always oil and debris falling on the lens, it kinda bothered me but all of the crane shots and the way they filmed the violent parts of this film are sweet.
Achievement in costume design
“Across the Universe” -Didn’t see it. I’m a huge Beatle fan. I might like it, but that might not be a risk i’m willing to take.
Achievement in directing
“No Country for Old Men” -My parents hated and didn’t completely understand this film, yet I think they still liked it because it engaged them enough to tell me they hated Anton so much. Mission Accomplished.
Best documentary feature
“Sicko” -Why are we not rioting in the streets? And what the fuck do some of the liberals I know have against Michael Moore?
Achievement in film editing
“Into the Wild”: Jay Cassidy -Just Brilliant.
Best foreign language film of the year
“The Counterfeiters” Austria -Didn’t see it. But it had the best posters.
Achievement in makeup
“Pirates of the Caribbean: At World’s End”: Ve Neill and Martin Samuel -Although a lot was CGI, the prosthetics in this movie were insane! My other choice is Norbit. Only because I didn’t see it and I’m sure it helped Eddie Murphy realize his life’s dream of being a fat black woman. Stop being crazy Eddie Murphy, if you like tranny hookers then tell the world proudly! We’ll still love you for Beverly Hills Cop.
Achievement in music written for motion pictures (Original score)
“Atonement” Dario Marianelli -Those typewriters were chronic! But it was kind of gimmicky. I think There Will Be Blood should have gotten a nom. I’m not the world’s biggest Radiohead fan (unlike my friend Melodie) but I thought Johnny Greenwood’s music stuck out quite a bit and although it was jagged and at times very out of place for the period, it was very moving and added to the story immensely. Ironically, the day after my friend saw it she told me the music bothered her…until I told her who it was.
Achievement in music written for motion pictures (Original song)
“Falling Slowly” from “Once” (Fox Searchlight) Music and Lyric by Glen Hansard and: Marketa Irglova -Didn’t see it but 2 people I know keep mentioning that I need to see it and tell me the music is great and that “I’d love it”. But people said that about Moulin Rouge …and I hated it.
Best motion picture of the year
“No Country for Old Men” (Miramax and Paramount Vantage) A Scott Rudin/Mike Zoss Production: Scott Rudin, Ethan Coen and Joel Coen, Producers -It was tight. Does it deserve to win over and of the rest? I dunno, it was a pretty good year for heavy films where everyone but the bad guy dies. That was the deep part of this post because if you really think about it, thats what all of these stories are. Protagonist Snuff films. Anton Chigurh, Daniel Plainview and Briony Tallis all live and have the last word despite doing horrible things and killing all of the other characters. Has nobody else put this common theme of these movies together? I win.
Achievement in sound editing
“Transformers”: Ethan Van der Ryn and Mike Hopkins -How to you spell out the transformation noise? I miss the squishy trasform noise from the cartoon. This movie was all effects and sounds. How did those digital wizards decide what a 40 foot robot transforming into a scorpion would sound like?
Achievement in visual effects
“Pirates of the Caribbean: At World’s End”: John Knoll, Hal Hickel, Charles Gibson and John Frazier -I watched a short film about how they made the Maelstrom sequence, it was disgusting how technical it was. Couple that with all of the pyro on the live sets and multiple Jack Sparrows and I’d say this will edge out Transformers and Golden Compass. Transformers and Golden Compass were amazing in Cinerama, btw. (I just want to brag about where I live again and say that I was in the first domestic audience to see the last Pirates movie. They even confiscated our cell phones so we wouldn’t leak any of it. Jerry Bruckheimer gave a speech.)
Adapted screenplay
“There Will Be Blood” (Paramount Vantage and Miramax), Written for the screen by Paul Thomas Anderson -Upton Sinclair, motherfuckers.
Original screenplay
“Juno”, Written by Diablo Cody -I want to see more strippers win this award. This movie hemmoraged quirkiness in a way that very few movies can do without seeming manufactured or forced. Can she keep it up? We’ll see, but this movie had comedy and heart and drama and it seems like it didn’t get nearly enough love from the Academy, which only proves they are of the douche.
And Just because I picked these movies it doesn’t mean that I liked them, its just who I think will or should get the oscar. I’ve got an office pool going and I picked a bunch of different ones than i did here just in case it was a night full of surprises. Which it wont be. I think overall “No Country for Old Men” will take a shitload of Oscars home. But it would be rad if Juno took a few. I’ll Trash the Oscars on Monday. Have a good weekend!
Les Paul is my absolute hero. If you go to my myspace, you’ll see his photo in my “Who i’d like to meet:” section. (Right next to Cyndi Lauper, Rick Nielsen from Cheap Trick and Prince). That is a very exclusive club i’d say. He is still alive today and at 92 I hear tell that he still plays a regular Monday night show in New York City somewhere. My goal for the year is to visit New York because believe it or not, I’ve never been! How is that possible? I probably know just as much about New York as I do Los Angeles and I’ve lived here a full year already! So when I go, if he’s playing, I have to meet Les Paul!
What is he responsible for? You might be saying to yourself. (Don’t lie, I know you are) Well firstly, without Mr. Polsfuss we wouldn’t have multitrack recording. Is that important, you say? Oh, naive one. He started out using muiltiple records to multiply the sound and moved on to invent the first muiltitrack Reel-to-Reel tape recorder. (Which was pretty much the industry standard until recently when computers caught up) See, this is pretty important when you consider how every album has been recorded since the 1940s is because of him. There would be no overdubs, no artists harmonizing with themselves, no multiple takes to get the record “perfect”. And like how many guitarists lately have you seen use loop pedals to layer their sound and play multiple parts live? Think about how empty those Beatle records would be if there wasn’t all of that crazy shit going on through “Tomorrow Never Knows”?! He also invented Reverb. (which means no Surf or Rockabilly Sound.)
Yeah duh, I almost forgot to mention that he also invented the solid body electric guitar. The sexiest thing in the world, right? The man is a fucking wizard. He’s like Gandalf of the Guitar. His name is on his guitar and yours (if you’re cool); and it is pretty much the most best guitar ever. (Sorry Strat players, its not even close. Tele players, you’re not too far off.) All of that and he was a high school dropout.
NOW BEHOLD HIS WIZARDRY, AND WORSHIP BEFORE THE DARK LORDS MULTI-TRACK ALCHEMY:
Does anyone remember when MTV was really, really good. I mean, its fucking WORTHLESS now, but thats been common knowledge for nearly a decade. I think what made MTV brilliant “back-in-the-day” (I hate that term almost as much as “Old School”) was all of the fucked up/off the wall/surreal/nonsensical stuff that is now common place in places like [Adult Swim] and to an extent Comedy Central. I’ll rattle some of it off and as I do keep in mind that none of these things exist any longer so they are now a reason why mTV eats a big bag of assholes:
Liquid Television: the bastion of Sick and Twisted Animation’s Revival which was basically [Adult Swim]. It birthed Beavis and Butthead, Æon Flux, MTV’s Oddities The Head, and was later born into Cartoon Sushi. There is so much creativity collected into this series that you can’t turn on the tv without seeing a descendant in motion graphics that every network now uses or commercials trying to out-weird each other. Without this show there would be no Daria, King of the Hill, Mtv’s Oddities The Maxx, The Brothers Grunt (You don’t know what the fuck i’m talking about), Ren and Stimpy…
The Bumpers: “We’ve got Crab Legs, aaaah” Thankfully, YouTube is full of these old idents and promos. Bite Sized Brilliance. “I just blew my nose into the MTV logo, ya wanna see? … Well I didn’t want to show it to you anyway!”
The Characters: Aside from the VJs who were all pretty rad until Simon Rex and Idalis showed up. (But for some reason I like Simon Rex now.) Donal Logue and Toby Huss’ (genius!) characters still sit in little corners of my brain singing to each other. On Friday I was leaving a bar and a girl was karao-killing Alanis Morrissete’s “Ironic” and as always, it made me think of Jimmy the Cab Driver. Oddly enough, 10 minutes later I walk into the liquor store next to Spaceland and “Ironic” was playing there as well, i shit you not. “It’s like going crazy, when you’re already nuts.” Its pretty much the reason I decided to post this. And isn’t it ironic, dont you think?
The Sets: Watch this Alternative Nation clip of Kennedy and Tori Amos. I couldn’t keep my eyes off of the backgrounds. Very “Pee-Wee’s Playhouse” style of production design. I seriously wanted to live there. (Trivial Knowledge Diarrhea: Rob Zombie was a production designer for Pee-Wee)
The Shows: This is going to sound strange but until “The Real World” showed up, MTV had SCRIPTED ENTERTAINMENT! Egads. So this is another of those “so I was leaving a bar the other day” stories but… I met this guy named Chip the other day and when I hear the name Chip I think about the MTV show Austin Stories. I know, you’ve never heard of it. But through the pure coincidence of living in L.A. the guy I was talking to actually was THAT GUY from the show. Beyond that The Jon Stewart Show (yeah it was great, you missed it), Apartment 2F, The State, Remote Control, Idiot Savants were also too good to live. And I wont talk total shit about the real world, the original concept was great but it could only really work for 1 season. After that it seems they cast the same show over and over until it dissolved into a house full of drunken cunts and douchebags.
I know I must be forgetting tons but I think you get my point. I was glued to a TV set growing up and am now unable to connect with humanity. -No, wait, the point I was trying to make is there needs to be a place for creative entertainment like what MTV had to offer in the 80s up to the mid-90s. Society is really missing out on there not being an MTV classic channel right now. And no, I didn’t forget. MTV used to play Music Videos, then M2 used to play music videos, then MTV2 used to play videos. Well you know what? Video Killed the Video Star when MTV and the music industry stopped listening to the audience and tried to tell them what they should like. In a way, their plan seems to be working, but then again thats why we are stuck with American Idol.
This video comes from a link on Wordofmouthradio.org which is a show on New Hampshire Public Radio produced by my awesome friend and ex-Lincolnite Avishay Artsy:
Vampire Weekend is blowing up pretty big here on the West Coast thanks largely to their heavy rotation on indie 103.1 as of late. I’m actually pretty glad to know that the midwest is getting some exposure to them as well. Bless Myspace. Their Self-Titled Album is full of upbeat ska/island-influenced Brooklyn hipsterness. The singles “A Punk” and “Mansard Roof” are a good place to start of course. Despite being a slim 4-piece band, the record is full of tasty bite-sized classical string arrangements; i’ll be inclined to check them out live to see what they do to supplement this small but crucial part of their songs. This album is either a bit schitzophrenic or just a lovely little paradox. Its simple, yet lush; its very chill, but gets pretty dancable. This album is very, very East Coast with songs like “Boston”, “Cape Cod Kwassa Kwassa” and “Walcott”; maybe this will gain some points for the East Coast to make up for how lame the last Interpol record was.
My fav. song so far seems to be the last track on the album “The Kids Don’t Stand A Chance”.
—–
The “band” from the other coast you should check out is Coconut Records which is the product of Jason Schwartzman (formerly of Phantom Planet, actor: Rushmore, I ? Huckabees). His album Nighttiming is also very cute and accessable yet twice as schitzophrenic as the Vampire Weekend Record. It does some heavy borrowing from a very traditional alternative sound, dare I say even Weezer-esqe at times? I said it. And don’t forget I also said “at times” because please note that this album has a bit of an identity crisis, not that its necessarily a bad thing. Then again, I haven’t met an actor out here yet that wasn’t half nutters. So far the banger for me on this record is, “Minding My Own Business” and the current single “West Coast” which has a very similar taste to Phantom Planet’s “California” (which is admittedly still my first morning alarm). If you want the “If you like ____ then you’ll like this album” then i’d say Rilo Kiley/The Elected fans will definitely dig it. Its important to note that some of the gems on this record come from the talents of Zooey Deschanel (who is beyond gorgeous) and also Kirsten Dunst (who was hovering around me during the Stooges set at SXSW last year and in person looks like Gollum). This album is short (maybe 30-40 mins?) but sweet as Schwartzman has left out a lot of the pointless intros and excessive choruses that seem to be clutter up all too many recent “indie” records. He stretches for the cred, but not too far and comes up successfully with a very genuine piece of work.
Seagulls circle my Hollywood apartment,
Their errant feathers fall as a turquoise screen dries on my balcony.
I stare at the records on the wall and lengthen the nails behind them,
as if it will help when the 7.2 rolls across the valley and into the 101.
The cross falls on Barham, tourists beware.
as the locals barely look up from their Lattes,
The transplants stand in the doorways.
I always wished I had a twin (male or female). My first name is actually derived from the Aramaic word for “Twin” (I’ll let you google that yourself). You can call me weird, label me a pervert if you must (you were going to anyway). But there is something twisted, yet endearing (and kinda hot) about this story:
LONDON -Twins who were separated at birth got married without realizing they were brother and sister… They were never told that they were twins. They met later in life and felt an inevitable attraction, and the judge had to deal with the consequences of the marriage that they entered into and all the issues of their separation.
How weird would it be to meet someone with whom you have EVERYTHING in common? Seriously Everything. Unless you were told that you were twins I would have to assume that it would seem like ANY love story. And how weird should a story like this actually be today? Soon enough having two sexes will be obsolete, anyway. Genetically, I TOTALLY AGREE THAT ITS WRONG! I took college Sociology (twice I think?) and understand the ideas about genetic diversity and all of that. But then again I don’t believe that ANYBODY should really be breeding right now.
But really, whatever, unless they breed… to each their own.
In this case, literally.
She can’t play an instrument, her performances turn to shit, she has no stage presence, she’s a goddamned junkie, and it seems that her whole album was Mark Ronson (Because it sounds exactly the same as the 50 other soul-regurgitated anglo-turds he produced last year*). So why did this bitch win so many awards? I think Leslie Feist should deathmatch her for the grammys she rightfully deserved. Watch out, Feist! She could be on PCP with the strength of 10 emaciated models! Here’s the video of Wino smoking crack in case you haven’t seen it. I hope they throw that dried up hack in prison and force her to listen to her vomit-inducingly unironic song until she snuffs it.
I stopped watching the Grammys a few years ago. I should say rather, that I stopped beliving that they mean anything. They really don’t.** The industry is dead (thank god) and it seems that only Major Label Artists get any props for the music of 2007. Well, what the fuck? Cassadaga came out last year and all it won was for BEST PACKAGING? (It is pretty fucking sweet if you haven’s seen it.) But the point I’m making is that there are Hundreds of AMAZING bands that made some amazing music last year and some worthless assholes in the Academy of Recording Arts and Sciences are trying to tell you that Amy Winehouse made the best achievements in music last year. Go Die.
I’m not trying to be pessimistic but I hung out with too many musicians last year that treated it all too much like a job. It’s not. Its better than a job, its what you are! Be professional but HAVE FUN! Thats the reason that you got into it in the first place, right? If not then STOP DOING IT! I was fortunate enough that I also hung out with plenty of musicians that worked their asses off, made great music, put everything they had financially, emotionally and physically into their music and they got little to no recognition outside of Pitchfork.com. I guess more importantly is that they have a connection to THE FANS and people who came to see them live. And thats what’s really important. Awards are ridiculous; the next time you hear about one, spit on the ground.
I don’t even care that the death of the music industry has snuffed my dream of designing album artwork for a living. At least I’m still doing packaging that millions of people see and I’ll still be alive with a career next year (hopefully). Hey Amy, here’s Renfro’s dealers’ number, give him a call when you come to L.A.
*Lily Allen you’re excused because you are still adorable.
but then again, the Sopranos came first, and those two ideas seemed to work. So whatever, don’t listen to me.
Vampire Weekend
